Ladies: Close your legs

Alright, that’s a pretty blunt topic title, but, I’m totally serious.  There’ s like this epidemic going on where girls are losing it at younger and younger ages and living with guys who aren’t even committed to them.  Yes, ladies, if you’re living with a “boyfriend” rather than a husband, there isn’t much commitment on his part.  Think about it: if he wants to break up with you tomorrow and he pays for the place, he can just kick you out.  Ask my sister’s friend.  I won’t put her name out there, but that happened to her a few months ago and she had nowhere to go because her parents lived in another state.  Now she lives with them again because after getting back with the boy, he punched her in the face and gave her a black eye.  Not to say your boyfriend would do that, but the point is when you’re dating, the commitment isn’t as binding as when there’s papers attached. 

Some  of you may be saying, “Well, I’m not really ready for marriage, so I don’t mind having a boyfriend.”  Okay, but if you’re living with your boyfriend, how can you say you’re not ready for marriage?  You’re basically doing what married people do, but again, without the commitment. 

Some people think living together is “good practice” but really, if you look at statistics, it’s terrible practice. 

  • Just over 50% of first cohabiting couples ever get married.

That means almost half of the people who live together don’t end up getting married. 

  • In the United States and in the UK, couples who live together are at a greater risk for divorce than non-cohabiting couples.
  • The U.S. Justice Department found that women are 62 times more likely to be assaulted by a live-in boyfriend than by a husband
  • Cohabiting women have rates of depression 3 times higher than married women
  • Couples who lived together before marriage tend to divorce early in their marriage.
  • Within five years from the beginning of a cohabitation relationship more than half of these relationships will end even if the couple had married during that time
  • 57% of cohabiting couples dissolve within ten years when compared with  30% of all first marriages
  • Cohabiting couples have a rate of separation that is five times that of married couples, and, in the event of separation, cohabitors have a rate of reconciliation that is only 33 percent as high as that of married couple

Let’s highlight a few things:  Women that live with their boyfriends are 62 TIMES more likely to be assaulted by their boyfriend than if they had a husband.  That’s a pretty drastic estimate.  Again, my sister’s friend did get beat up by her boyfriend.  I watched this youtube video of this woman talking about her many failed relationships where she lived with guys who ended up abusing her.  Look, if the stats say so, why not just be careful and live by yourself or with a girl friend? 

Alright, cohabitating women have rates of depression 3 times higher than married women.  I’m sure there’s a number of reasons why these women become depressed, but I’m positive one of them has to do with the desire of someday being married.   I met this girl who lived at the Trump in Sunny Isles with her boyfriend.  They had been together for 11 years or something and she was still waiting for him to propose. Once she expressed this in front of him and behind her back he made a face like, “Psh, that’s not happening anytime soon.”  I wanted to throw him under the bus, but I was working and decided to pray for her instead.  I ended up finding her crying hysterically one day by the pool and she told me she caught him cheating on her. 

Last time I checked, she was still with him and he still hadn’t proposed.

Now all this to say, I want women everywhere to know they DON’T HAVE TO SELL THEMSELVES SHORT!  They don’t have to compromise.  That’s a total lie and what some guys want you to believe so they can use and abuse you because they’re thinking with their penis and their hearts are filled with lust. 

I hear many girls say, “Well, where are all the good guys?  They’re so hard to find.”  Well, if you’ve been snagging guys in clubs, I can imagine  they’re hard to come by.  But really, you shouldn’t even be looking.  You don’t have to.  That’s what I finally realized after boyfriend number 50 something.  Besides, searching is exhausting!  Dating takes a serious toll. 

Here’s a secret:  if you have a desire to get married someday, God probably put it there and there is a “one” out there for you, but you both have to first become the one.  It’s a process.  You’re not supposed to be with that person before either of you are ready.  And here’s the thing:  dating other people before you finally encounter that person, isn’t molding you for them, it’s causing you to bring more baggage into the relationship you were created to be in.  Which sucks for them and for you. 

Single isn’t bad, when you have the right focus.  If you’re focused on being single, it’s going to drag.  But, if you focus on something better than being in a relationship, you’ll be fine.

For me, it was God.

I was finally single and ecstatic because I knew how much this Jesus loved me and He was revealing Himself to me like never before.

It all started with a cry out to Him and the decision to finally put Him first.

See, before God, guys were my god.  Well, one guy in particular, my ex Dace.

He didn’t make me feel like how God did.  He would hurt me, disappoint me.  God never did.  So I was on cloud nine and even after meeting my wonderful husband, he doesn’t compare to God. 

But, that’s up to you find out.

Posted by

Daughter of the King, married to a prince. Writer, actress, and my husband's side-kick filmmaker.

2 thoughts on “Ladies: Close your legs

    1. Aw sister, I feel ya princess. But the amazing thing about our Father and King is that He redeems! He gives a crown of beauty for ashes (Isaiah 61:3) and restores those six years the locusts have eaten (Joel 2:25). Never believe otherwise.

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