When we’re in love, the feelings are so…pleasurable. We just love when our stomach gets butterflies, our heart races, and blood leaves our cheeks flushed. It’s all so satisfying.
Until it dies.
“Whatever a [woman] sows [she] will also reap, because the one who sows to [her] flesh will reap corruption from the flesh…”-Galatians 6:7-8
I watched the television show The Bachelorette specifically for this blog. Ashley is a young woman on the search for love. In order to do this, she’s flown away to exotic places in China where she serial dates her way to “The One.” She’s expected to date twenty-five men at the same time in hopes that she will find her future husband.
In a sneak peek at what’s coming next in the series, clips of the final episode find her breaking down in tears saying, “Maybe I wasn’t cut out for this. This isn’t fair. I hate this. I feel like I’m so alone in this journey and my heart is totally broken.”
What she did was allow herself to date multiple men, in extremely romantic places, building up all those emotions and feelings for them in a short period of time. This is what many of us do—which I was a pro at! Maybe not with multiple men at the same time, but over a period of time, we date and break up, date and break up, date and then break up some more.
We open the doors of our hearts and let these men walk right in. We give our heart away just to have the guy handle it like a hot potato. We end up bruised and broken all because we let our feelings get the best of us.
Understandably so, tons of women have fallen for the lie depicted in too many romantic comedies: Date a guy, get real romantic, make sure you test him out by giving your body to him, building up all those emotions, and eventually, you two will be romantically satisfied and your void for love will be filled.
When really, we do this and come out completely dissatisfied and in serious pain, feeling hopeless that we’ll ever find that man who will cherish us.
So, here’s some advice that is completely counter-societal:
1.) Don’t even look for a guy. You don’t have to. If the guy is out there (which, if you have a desire to be married someday, he is), he’ll come into your path, without you having to go on a search and rescue mission to find him.
2.) Don’t “date” in the romantic sense where you’re completely alone with a guy and tempted to have him touch you up.
DO however, hang out in groups (or with another God-fearing couple so there’s accountability). Start off as friends. As you get to know this person, don’t pour out secrets within the first couple of times you hang out. Sharing deep issues and your past builds up emotions quick. TAKE YOUR TIME before you begin to discuss your hopes and dreams, hurts and fears, past and present.
3.) Don’t, I repeat, DON’T have sex with the guy. At all. Meaning no oral either, no nothing that will lead to “burning with lust.” This is where hanging out in groups comes in handy. Sex is the ultimate experience of physical pleasure and will lead to an emotional bondage to the person almost instantly. “When women are skin-to-skin with a man, their brain secretes oxytocin that causes them to bond emotionally to that man.”-Dr. Joe McIlhaney, Medical Institute for Sexual Health in Austin. “Oxytocin is so overwhelming in a woman’s brain that just a twenty-second hug can cause a female to become bonded to a male.” It also decreases the more [sexual] partners you have so by the time you actually settle down and get married the ability to bond is damaged. Also, young women that are sexually active are three-times more likely to commit suicide than their virgin girlfriends.
4.) Don’t be alone with him in his place or at yours. That’s just asking for it.
5.) If there are any warning signs i.e. he is quick-tempered, calls you ANY profane or demeaning names, tries to persuade you to have sex with him, is caught lying, has a bad reputation, says he hates anyone i.e. “I hate my dad,” shows lack of responsibility or has a drug or alcohol addiction DROP HIM! (411: You CANNOT make someone change. Been there, done that and I’ve failed enough times to tell you, it doesn’t work. Unless they truly want to change and make their own efforts to do so for themselves, it’s best to walk away before he leaves you with more baggage to bring in to the right relationship.
6.) Don’t seek to get to know someone unless you believe this is the right person to marry. Why else should you get involved? If you date just to feel loved or have fun, you’re dating to break up. And the more break-ups, like I said previously, the more baggage you bring into the relationship you were ordained/or blessed by God to be in.
Ladies, I’ve experienced enough heart-break to know that dating in the societal-sense doesn’t always give desired results. Call me old-school, but back in the 50s and in earlier decades marriage was skyrocketing, whereas now, the number of marriages is steadily declining and is actually at its lowest point in recorded history.
GUARD YOU HEART!!!
A man should have to wait to get into your heart. He needs to prove this is what he’s after. My husband, before we got married, told me he didn’t want to even kiss me anymore because he wanted to unselfishly get to know my heart. In other words, he wanted no hidden ulterior motives. He wanted to prove that he “loved me for me and not for the way I made him feel.” Sure we messed up a few times after he made that commitment, lip-locking for our engagement pics or because my weak-self snuck a pop-kiss. (It was extremely hard to stay away from those luscious lips of his.) But let me tell you, on the wedding night, making-out was so much more amazing since we hadn’t been for about a year and two months.
The most important thing is for your heart to be protected. When the man you were made for actually comes into your path, you don’t want to hand him a tattered heart. I thank GOD that He healed my heart prior to meeting my prince, Jonathan. I was a hot mess before he stepped into the picture, but in less than seven days after I gave my all to Jesus, my broken heart was mended. I was smiling and happier than ever—and I was single.
“It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in princes.”-Psalms 118:9
The best advice I can share is to give your heart to God before you give it to a man. It starts with telling God you want Him to come into your heart. I simply cried out, “God speak to me, I need you,” and when He did, I decided to put Him first. I pursued Him with more zeal than I did any man before Him, and He revealed His love to me in undeniable and beautiful ways.
“I charge you, O daughters of Jerusalem, do not stir up nor awaken love until it pleases.”-Song of Solomon 8:4
I pray you come to know that love and then, when you meet the man God shaped for you, your heart won’t need to be guarded.