“She was the love of my life.”
Sometimes, I think people should replace the word “love” for “lust.” I openly admit and realize that with my ex, whom I honestly believed I was head-over-heels in love with, although part of me did love him, lust played a huge part in my feelings toward him. Heck, lust was where most of the feelings stemmed from.
I remember how I would literally hyperventilate at times, my head would spin and my entire stomach and chest would burn within me at his touch. I even got the burning sensation once when he simply spoke about how he felt when he kissed me.
In the moment, I never thought, “Hey, I’m totally lusting the heck out of this guy.” Instead, the thoughts I focused on were, “I love him; I can’t let him go; I’ve never felt this way for anyone before.” Little did I know that the reason I’d never felt the way I had for him with any guy before him was because, up until that point, I was never that intimate with a guy. I didn’t have sex with him, but the fact that we were intimate in other ways was enough to have my lust up to a level it had never been to before.
I believe I’m not the only girl who has done this. I think many girls that are intimate with a man become so attached to him and they believe they are so in love with him, when the majority of those feelings are just feelings.
I would challenge any girl reading this right now who has a boyfriend and is intimate with him to stop, to even leave out the tongue when you kiss and then see what happens. Or, in the future, when you’re with a guy, be prude. Yes, I said the dreaded p-word. Ladies, let me tell you something: forget what you’ve heard, decent guys would prefer a prude over a 7/11 girl ANY day! And an honest guy would tell you himself, “I respect a girl a lot more if she chooses not to have sex with me,” (I know because hubby told me that’s how he felt toward girls before meeting me. He said he couldn’t help it, but after sleeping with a girl, he’d lose both respect and trust for her because, well, if she slept with him, why wouldn’t she go and sleep with another guy?) Please, challenge me on that one if you’re in doubt.
Why do I insist on these things? Because I care for you and I’ve been heart-broken too many times to not let you know what I’ve come to understand. You’re priceless. See what happens. I can guarantee this: you’ll be a lot less confused if you choose to cut out some of the physical intimacy. I pray one day you hear the words, “I will respect and honor you until the day you’re my wife.” If I can hear it, trust me, you can, too.