The Lust of My Life.

“She was the love of my life.”

Sometimes, I think people should replace the word “love” for “lust.”  I openly admit and realize that with my ex, whom I honestly believed I was head over heels in love with, although part of me did love him, lust played a huge part in my feelings toward him.  Heck, lust was where most of the feelings stemmed from.

I remember how I would literally hyperventilate at times, my head would spin and my entire stomach and chest would burn within me at his touch.  I even got the burning sensation once when he simply spoke about how he felt when he kissed me.

In the moment, I never thought, “Hey, I’m totally lusting the heck out of this guy,” instead, the thoughts I focused on were, “I love him, I can’t let him go, I’ve never felt this way for anyone before.”  Little did I know at the time, the reason I had never felt the way I did for him for any guy before him was because, up until that point, I was never that intimate with a guy.  I didn’t have sex with him, but the fact that we were intimate in other ways was enough to have my lust up to a level it had never been to before.

I believe I’m not the only girl who has done this.  I think many girls that are intimate with a man become so attached to him and they believe they are so in love with him, when the majority of those feelings are just, feelings.

I would challenge any girl reading this blog right now who has a boyfriend and is intimate with him to stop, to even leave out the tongue when you kiss and then see what happens.  Or, in the future, when you’re with a guy, be slightly prude.  Yes, I said the dreaded p-word.  Ladies, let me tell you something, forget what you’ve heard, decent guys would prefer a prude over a 7/11 girl ANY day!  And an honest guy would tell you himself, “I respect a girl a lot more if she chooses not to have sex with me.”  Please, challenge me on that one if you’re in doubt.

Why do I insist on these things?  Because I care for you and I’ve been heart-broken too many times to not let you girls know what I’ve come to understand.  You’re priceless.  See what happens.  I can guarantee this:  you’ll be a lot less confused if you choose to cut out some of the physical intimacy.  I pray one day you hear the words, “I will respect and honor you until the day you’re my wife.”  If I can hear it, trust me, you can too.

With love,


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Daughter of the King, married to a prince. Writer, actress, and my husband's side-kick filmmaker.

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