“Why men love b**ches.” Why this is a lie.

Just ask a guy, “Do you love B words?” Tell me how many of them say yes. Girls that try to control a man or dominate a man, they will get harsh resistance or create a submissive whimp. Both extremes are undesirable. When we disrespect a man by acting like we’re PMSing, we pierce him in the deepest place of his heart. A man’s ultimate need is to be respected. When we deny him of that respect, we mine as well spit in his face and call him a loser. Choosing to refrain from respecting a man is the equivalent to if a man refused to love you. To put it plainly, if you try to get him to satisfy your deepest need [love] by denying him of his [respect], you’re doomed to failure. The sum of your relationship will be defined by fights, frustration, disappointment, doubt, confusion, pain and resentment.

If you don’t want any of the above, stay tuned.

HOW TO GET A MAN TO LOVE YOU – NOT JUST BY WORD, BUT BY DISPLAY

“R.E.S.P.E.C.T.” – You know the famous song by Aretha Franklin.  What you may not know however, is that is was originally written by a man.  So, the primary ingredient in getting a man to love you in actions is to respect him.  How to do this is key to know.  Every woman knows how to love, but most all have difficulty displaying respect.  Frankly, we never even think of the word in regards to our men.  I never once thought about respect in regards to Jonathan [my husband] before I read this book “Love & Respect” by Dr. Emerson Eggrichs.  Suddenly, it was as if the scales had fallen from my eyes.  I discovered, not only is showing my man respect somewhat unnatural, but displaying disrespect was more natural and a lot easier to do.

LEARN HOW TO SPEAK WITH RESPECT

POP QUIZ:  Have you ever said something to your man, either in public or in private and suddenly see his face fall, have him snap at you, fall silent, become cold or walk away?  Congratulations, you made him feel disrespected.

We ladies, seriously have to guard our tongues.  We’re super open, which can be a good thing, but it can also be a disaster.  For instance, when we’re hurt by our man, feeling neglected or unloved, we tend to let him know.  Now, it’s not wrong to let him know, BUT you can be wrong in the way you say it.

EXAMPLES:  THE WRONG WAY

The Accuser

“Michael, you haven’t come to see me in like two days, what have you been doing? Are you too busy for me or something? What’s wrong with you? Tell me!”

The Complainer

“Michael, I haven’t seen you in two days. I think it’s totally rude. You always made so much time for me before, but now it’s like you could care less and you’re super busy. I feel like I don’t mean crap to you.”

The Cry baby

Says the same thing the complainer does, but instead of attitude, she uses tears.

EXAMPLE:  THE RIGHT WAY

“Hey Michael. We haven’t seen each other in a few days and I feel unloved. Did I do something to make you feel disrespected?”

When you calmly address the issue and use the term “I feel” instead of accusing him, you keep your man  calm and collected and more open to hearing you out.  When you throw the term “disrespected” in there, you let him know you’re not pointing any fingers, that you simply want a solution that works for the both of you.

LEARN HOW TO ARTICULATE RESPECT

Your man needs to know what it is that you respect about him.  Don’t just assume he knows, tell him.  Think about some things you find respectful and share that with him:  his work ethic, his promptness, his reliability, his intelligence, his creativity, his compassion, his strength.  This simple act of telling him what you respect about him can radically change his countenance and character and your relationship.  We, in the area of encouragement, have the most power than anyone in our man’s life.  Whoever said, “Behind every great man there’s a great woman,” is oh so wise.  There should be one that says, “And behind every loser there’s a nagging woman.” When we talk-down to our men, we stomp on their hearts and crush their potential for greatness.  Let’s start being their cheerleaders and watch them blossom into the wonderful heroes they were created to be.

LEARN HOW TO SHOW RESPECT

If we only speak with respect, but don’t act with it, we don’t fool anyone, especially not our prince.  For example, you tell your man how much you respect him, but then flirt with the guys at your job or even worse, his own friends.  Or, you tell him you respect him, but then try to control what he does.  Telling and showing go hand in hand.  We cheerlead them on as we give them the freedom to pursue their dreams.  We tell them we honor their intelligence while letting them figure out solutions to practical problems (even if we already know a good solution) and letting them think for themselves.  I’ve been guilty of saying, “Yeah that’s a good idea,” yet implementing my own.  That’s not displaying true respect.  Men were made to be heroes, knights in shining armor.  They were built bigger and stronger and more masculine for a reason.  We can’t fight all their battles for them or we emasculate them.  We also have to let them fight some of our’s on our behalf so they can receive the joy of feeling needed and appreciated.  I’m burdened by women who step in front of their men and say, “I got this, baby, get behind me.”  When we do that, we’re telling them they aren’t needed.  Men have this natural inclination to lead, protect and accomplish.  We can be the princesses they do those things for or we can be lone cowgirls, taking down bad guys by our lonesome with no handsome prince to snatch us up in his chariot and carry us away into an adventure.

The key to unlocking the valiant knight in your man is respect.  You decide what you want to be to your man and he’ll play the role that coincides with it.  Choose wisely.

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Daughter of the King, married to a prince. Writer, actress, and my husband's side-kick filmmaker.

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