Blast from the Past

If you’re a serial dater like I once was, you may have a knack for re-dating an ex.  My expert advice on the subject:  DON’T DO IT!

First of all, if it didn’t work out before, what makes you think it’ll work out now?  Too many of us are hooked, snatched, stuck, whatever you want to call it, on an ex boyfriend.  I know a girl who went out with the same guy SEVEN TIMES!  And she still “felt bad” for him!  I know she’s not alone on this so if you’re on round three, four, or even just two with the same guy, step into my office.

THE EX RECAP

Recycle woman, I want to ask you to please recap what happened the first time that caused you two to break up.  Now, be honest with yourself, is there a chance that it can happen again?

“Once a cheater, always a cheater.”  Oh how true.  The only thing that can stop a horn-dog in his tracks is a Divine Trainer!  If he hasn’t encountered Him, RUN AWAY without thinking twice!

Maybe it wasn’t cheating, maybe it was too much fighting.  Okay: yes, IF the guy is well-intended and truly cares for you, there is a remedy for this (see “Why men love b****es.” Why this is a lie.”).  HOWEVER, if the fighting has anything to do with some major character flaws on his behalf e.g. lying, cheating, verbal abusing, physical abusing, control issues, jealously issues, DO NOT EVEN TRY WITH THE GUY!  Cut him off!

THE WORLD SHIFT

If you’re thinking about giving an ex another go, chances are you had made him the sun of your universe or have an insecurity issue.  BOTH need changing.

If he was your sun, meaning everything revolved around him, your disposition depended on him etc., stay single.  Don’t give him OR another guy a try.  You have to set your priorities straight.  A guy can never be the epicenter of your world.  He can be a nice addition to your world, but not the object of it.

Who is most important in your life?

The ideal answer to this question is God, then ourselves and then others.  But I know for some of us it’s, “John, Alex, Brian, Juan,” or whoever the dude is, with ourselves last.  For me, I somehow tricked myself into thinking God was important, that since I prayed every day to Him, I loved Him.  But really, my ex Dace was way before God, and I loved him more.  Most of the time when I went to God, it was about Dace!  Sure I’d somewhat pray for my family, but really, the bulk of my prayers had selfish motives.  A few times in our relationship I saw the intervention of God, the gentle knocking on my heart, trying to get my attention.  Heck, I even said aloud once after Dace and I broke up the first time, “God, I think you’re trying to tell me to put You first.” Literally seconds after I said that, Dace told me he wanted to try again. But of course, after we started going out again, God was shoved to the back of the line with only a five-minute, “Hello, can you do this for me?” nightly phone call.  It wasn’t until He intervened two more times that I truly decided to try to get to know Him, to pursue Him like I had so passionately pursued my ex. When I did, He swept me off my feet. Dace was no longer the center of my universe, God was. Funny, after I made that decision, the guy I could only dream about came marching along without me seeking him.

So once you let God show you what He’s got, it’s super easy to fall in love with Him and make Him first place in your life, but loving yourself next–after all the abuse and pain of past relationships–can be a bit more tricky.

A simple remedy: start seeing what God thinks of you. Yes, the Bible is ancient, but when you actually delve into it, you see how relative it is to the here and now.  You discover the value you have as a special creation of God (think about it: God made man first and was like, “Wow, there is obviously something missing here,” and after making YOU, He was completely satisfied with the work of His hands).

God sees you as that necessary missing piece of the world.  When you see all He entrusts you with–the responsibilities and how He commands men to treat you and what He has to say to the man who marries you–you basically feel like Daddy’s little princess that better be treated the way He would treat you or else!

Once you’ve learned to love God and yourself, MAYBE one day things will work out with your ex.  But in most cases, there’s a prince out there waiting to step into your path and rescue you from all the terrible dragons of your past and that guy is definitly worth waiting for.

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Daughter of the King, married to a prince. Writer, actress, and my husband's side-kick filmmaker.

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