If you think love is simply an emotion, here’s a wake up call

I think the easiest way to disprove that love is just an emotion is by simply watching the Bachelorette or the Bachelor or any of those reality TV shows on finding “love.”  Everything on those shows is, “I feel so much for this person,” “The way I feel when I’m with them,” “He/she makes me feel so good,” “I’ve never felt this way with anyone before.”  Usually, they say this about multiple people.  Now, princess, if you’re gonna throw the word love out there every time you feel good around a guy, you’re gonna end up like me and so many of the girls on the Bachelor:  with a broken glass heart.

How many times have you, “followed your heart,” just to end up having it drop you off in the middle of Antarctica naked and shoeless?

Most relationships are filled with emotions and void of friendship, purity and spiritual depth.  Sure our heart “flutters” when we’re around him for the first few months, but then all of sudden, fights start popping up in the relationship.  The wings of your heart are broken and now instead of fluttering your heart is falling.

“Why are we fighting so much? I thought we loved each other.”  I have to be blunt, but princess, a lot of those “love feelings” are just lust disguised as love.  Trust me, hang out with a cute enough guy for a night where he’s taken you out and romanced you and if he were to kiss you, you’ll feel pretty much the same as you do with the guy you “love.”  I understand this isn’t the case with ALL girls in a relationship, but MOST (or I’ll say, all the one’s where the girl and guy are having sex with each other), this is the case.

When you have sex with a guy, it means so much.  No matter how much a guy enjoys sex or how he’s slightly more obsessed with it than we girls tend to be, it doesn’t mean as much to him as it does to us.  It doesn’t haven’t the same effect on him.  Science proves that when men have sex with us, the chemicals released in their brains causes them to want to do it again, but when we have sex with a guy the chemicals in our brains cause us to want to bond more with him.  Sex has that effect.  You know how attached you get after you have sex with a guy?  So many girls are blinded to that.  They’re with some messed up guys, but trick themselves into believing they love him because he’s so great when in actuality, they want to be with him so bad because they’ve had sex with him and subconsciously they want to bond more and more with him (even if he sucks at life).

So, if you’re reading this and you “love” a jerk and can’t let go of the guy, you are most likely having sex with him and this is the primary reason why you can’t let him go.  Please, I am begging you, stop having sex with this dude and break up with him if you know he doesn’t treat you like a princess.  If he does treat you like a princess and nothing less, see what he says when you tell him, “I’ve decided I want to stop having sex and save my body for my future husband.”  If he runs away, LET HIM!!!  If he truly respects that, meaning: he doesn’t try to get you to come over to his place to “watch a movie,” you decide if you want to keep him or not or  back up from the relationship to focus on yourself.

There is nothing more honoring to a man than when a woman tells him, “I’ve waited for you.”  I don’t care if you’re not a virgin, it still means a lot.  My husband loved and respected me so much more knowing that I saved myself for him (and trust me, that wasn’t the plan until AFTER I was 18 and a half. It was only by God’s literal intervention that I was able to remain a virgin).  And, like studies prove, we enjoy a more frequent and better sex life since we chose to abstain before marriage.

And how about the trust factor. What! Since Jonathan and I chose to fight our feelings we don’t struggle with thoughts of cheating.  I trust my man so much.  If he refrained from having sex with me for two years despite how hot he thought I was and how much he loved me, no fifi in hoochie-cutter short shorts in the mall can seduce him.  If you’re having sex with a guy, most likely, you can’t relate to this peace of mind.

I can go on and on about the reasons why not to have sex with just some guy who is not completely committed to you, who thinks having full access to your body just because with words he calls you his, “girlfriend,” is a given.  Girl, being in a “relationship,” is the lesser-form of committment.  Heck, the only unwritten committment in that is, “I am supposed to only be with you.”  Besides that, he can break up with you tomorrow with a simple text message.  But when a guy buys  you a ring, bows to his knee in humility, honoring you with an action that speaks so much more than, “Will you be my girl?” Then spends more money on a legal and binding contract that he will really be with you and you alone, buys a tux and wedding bands, then stands before YOUR FAMILY AND HIS and vows in front of a room with witnesses and before God Himself that he is going to treat you right and be with you until the day you die, is that not the guy who deserves to have sex with you?  But you’re gonna give yourself to the guy who just makes you feel good and asked you to be his girlfriend in some desolate place where no one saw and the only reason why people know is because you told your girl friends about it.

Princess, you’re worth more.  You know the right thing to do.  Now it’s up to you to just do it.

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Daughter of the King, married to a prince. Writer, actress, and my husband's side-kick filmmaker.

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