“If you love me, you’ll have sex with me.”-Your boyfriend

Only once did I have a guy force himself on me and try to make me have sex with him because he knew I “loved” him (after that experience I sure didn’t). But for all the toads I’ve dated, surprisingly, it never got to the point where they tried to seduce me into having sex with them. Maybe it was just because my longest relationship wasn’t until Senior year (which was about six months with three break-ups in between). There was that one guy who probably would have tried to pull a fast one on me, but we were never really alone. He lived four hours away from me and before he came back down and visited, we broke up because I caught him cyber-cheating on me with some chick from another state.

Maybe it had a lot to do with how open I was about my virginity and had a firm resolve not to lose it till marriage? Either way, from what I’ve heard, this isn’t the norm. Apparently, guys using the four-letter-word to get in girl’s pants is pretty popular. Sadly though, I hear some don’t even need to use it. They simply know how to seduce a girl till her clothes are off.

Ladies, I know we’re almost, if not just as much hormonal as guys are, but really, is going all the way with a dude necessary? [Don’t answer that; please allow me] NO! IT’S REALLY NOT. “But why isn’t it, Natasha? What’s so wrong with sex? Everybody’s doing it.”

Yeah, and many of those people have STD’s, a child, or a child they chose to kill.

These things are real and are happening more and more. Please don’t think, “It’ll never happen to me.” If the probability of having to abort a child, live with (or eventually die from) an STD or raise a child at a very young age with a dad who will most likely leave you to fend for yourself doesn’t cause you to want to close your legs, maybe something else will.

I understand the need to be loved. It is essential, no question about it. But the way we receive love is up to us.

Let me make something clear before I expound on that. Giving your body to a guy may, in your eyes, be an act of love, but to the guy, it’s just sex. Some guys might say they see it as more, but really, they’re lusting for you, you’re lusting for them and hence, you have sex with each other and you both love the feeling of sex so I can understand the confusion.

You want to know if you truly love someone and if they truly love you? Don’t have sex with them at all . Meaning: no oral, no over the clothes, nada, and see if you love him completely for who he is, not for how he makes you feel.

You know what true love (from a guy) looks like?

“I respect you. I want us to have boundaries in our relationship. I want to treat your body with respect and not give you a bad reputation. I love you for who you are on the inside and love spending time with you even though we’re not very physical. I want to take on the responsibility of being your husband and cherish you as my wife, until my last breath.” My husband spoke practically the exact same words to me before he bowed to his knee and asked me to marry him. If there really are men out there like that, why would you settle for anything less?

“Alright, Natasha. If he tries to have sex with me, how do I stop it from happening?” I totally forgot for a moment that I did experience a guy trying to force himself on me. We were caught alone in his mom’s apartment while his friends walked around the complex smoking cigarettes. I told him, “No,” but he wouldn’t listen. He kept telling me, “You know you want to, Tasha.” I had to literally push the creep off me and then run out the door and not look back.

First of all, try not to be in a situation where you’re alone with the guy. And if you unfortunately happen to be in that situation, I suggest you do exactly the same thing I did: say no and leave. If the guy doesn’t want to honor your wishes, act like you’re into it, and then randomly pull a Mike Tyson on him and bite anything as hard as you can, push the jerk off you and RUN!!!

If you’re still struggling on whether or not you should keep having sex with your boyfriend, listen. I understand the fear of loneliness and rejection and an uncertain future. But you don’t have to be. There’s a God who loves you and, “has plans to give you a future and a hope.” Who’s will for your life is, “pleasing and perfect.” I think sex before marriage a lot of times has to do with a lack of trust, insecurity and ignorance.

You’ve been abandoned or betrayed so you don’t trust things will work out the way you’d like them to. You’re unsure of yourself, you’re identity, and if anyone will ever truly love you for you. And you’re ignorant of how much you’re worth and how much you’re loved by a God you don’t see because you’ve never really looked.

Dare to be different. Dare to take a chance. Dare to make a change.

Call out to the One who loves you, even if you don’t know what to say or you’re angry with Him.

I went to a ladies-only event and one of the speakers said when she first cried out to God she told Him how much she hated Him. In her brokeness, in her pain, in her anger she cried out and He answered. His response radically changed the course of her life. Although she had been abused, raped, and completely ashamed, He made her new. She is now happily married with five children.

It doesn’t matter where you’ve been, where you’re heading, or where you’re at now: God loves you desperately and wants to give you a crown and make you a princess. Allow Him to begin to show you just how incalculable your value is. Let your heart be free again. He’s waiting.

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Daughter of the King, married to a prince. Writer, actress, and my husband's side-kick filmmaker.

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