“Why do I still have feelings for my ex?”

Ah, the line many of us have used at some point in time, or are using at this very moment.  “Why do I still have feelings for my ex? We broke up a while ago, and we broke up because of the way he treated me.”  You wonder why in the friggin’ world you still have feelings for a jerk.  You tend to think about him, or get teary eyed when you hear a certain song, or if you run into him your heart flutters and your stomach feels funny.  I have an answer:

The more sexual you are with a guy, the more feelings you’ll grow for him, and the harder the feelings will be to shake.

I’ve run into one of my last exes before my husband (Jonathan), who I was ‘in love with,’ and who totally broke my heart [a few times], after I was already in a relationship with Jonathan, and all three times I’ve felt absolutely no fluttery feelings.  The last two in particular I simply felt pity.  (He shared with me his dad had recently been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, and he looked pretty glum.) 

Now, why are all the very strong feelings I’ve felt for him before completely gone?  Because all he and I ever did was make-out.  Once he placed his hand on my breast (over the shirt), while kissing, and I quickly removed it.  Like I’ve mentioned in another post, when we ladies are sexually intimate with a man, our brain secreses serotonin causing us to want to bond with him more so basically, the more sexual you are, the stronger the bond(age) to that man is.

“That’s great to know, Natasha, but how the heck do I fight my feelings?”

Extinguish the fire as soon as it starts.  You hear a song that brings up a memory, you shut that song off.  If you’re in a situation where you can’t silence it, fill your mind with something else.  If you’re with a great guy for instance, think of how great this new guy is.  Just control your thoughts (believe me you can, you’ve just never tried).  If you have pictures, emails, are facebook friends, DELETE, DELETE, DELETE!  Don’t believe in that, “Oh, but they were nice memories,” crap.  He hurt you, it’s over, do away with it, or else you’ll continue to be haunted by past memories that are dead and should be gone.  You’re not with this dude anymore for a reason.  Remember that.

The less you think of a person and don’t see them, you do begin to forget.  If you have a new guy, create some new memories with him.  But, so the cycle of continued hurt feelings for exes stops, don’t be sexually intimate with this new guy (unless he happens to be your husband).  I can absolutely care less what “Cosmopolitan” has to say, and the songs and films about how you should have fun by having sex, and then breaking up, and then getting heartbroken, and then being depressed, and then having serious trust and insecurity issues.  How many of you reading this have gone through a heartbreak, or as I have, several?  I doubt you want that to be the story of your life.  If you think sex with guys who simply ask you out, and take you places (if they even do that), is fun, think again.  STDs, unwanted pregnancy, inability to bond with your future husband, disrespect from men, and lots of fights is what premarital sex causes. Somewhere along the line you may have lost your understanding of self-worth, of how much value you have.  Your heart and mind are inside of your body.  Your body is special,  it is to be treated with respect.  If you value your own opinion you should value the body that produces it.

Do you have one good reason as to why a guy who is simply a boyfriend or someone you dig worth having full access to your body?  What has he done to deserve it?  If he hasn’t knelt before you, spent lots of money on a ring and legal binding papers, and made vows to you, I’m sorry, but he doesn’t deserve to have sex with you.  Call my standards high, I just call them manifest.  Let me ask, what would happen if you told the guy you’re with that you no longer want to have sex with him?  We’ll see how great he is then.

Either step over, or stoop down to peer and societal pressure.  You’re more than you think yourself to be.

Now, if you are married or with the guy you someday plan on marrying and are having annoying ex-thoughts, do the same fire extinguisher actions I told you to do before and learn this,

“The heart is more deceitful than anything else and desperately sick—who can understand it?” 

How many times have you been completely confused over something that had to do with your heart, i.e. ‘what guy should I be with’?  How many times have you, ‘followed your heart,’ and went out with a guy that ended up trampling it?  Our hearts are tricky little liars at many times.  For us women, it’s what the devil loves to attack most.  Know that if you’re married, and you’re thinking about an ex, that isn’t God trying to confuse you, or tell you to leave your husband and be with your ex.  God hates divorce and adultery and lust.  He is the embodiment of faithfulness and loyalty, and desires for you to be the same toward the man you vowed to give those things to till death do you part.  So, when you get to thinkin’ about that ex of your’s, you know it’s not God.  Let it be a red flag in your life, something that gets snuffed out as soon as it kindles.  If you have friends that try and entertain the idea of adultery, or leaving your husband for your ex, stop talking to them.  Their advice is terrible, and will leave you desperately regretful.  I was listening to a radio station where a woman said she started talking to an ex through facebook. At first it was ‘innocent,’ but then they started talking on the phone.  Next thing you know, her husband caught her in her bedroom with the door closed talking to him, and up and left her.  In time she realized what a terrible mistake she made and wanted him back.  He was already with another woman, and she was fighting to win his heart back.  Don’t be that woman.  You married your husband for a reason.  You love him and he loves you.  Work it out.  God will bless you for it.

With love,

Natasha

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Daughter of the King, married to a prince. Writer, actress, and my husband's side-kick filmmaker.

3 thoughts on ““Why do I still have feelings for my ex?”

  1. I love this girl, you’re awesome. I’ve had you on my mind lately and wondered how you’ve been! I hope that all is well, I wish there were an easier way to send this but I got rid of my facebook long ago so this will have to do for now 🙂 Have a super great weekend!

    1. Thank you SO much! I appreciate it =)) I’m doing great! Better than Edward will be published in November and I’m going to audition for the Glee Project on my birthday (nov. 6th) and I’m working on a fiction novel at the moment that I’m excited about. How about you?? How’s the writing going?

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