“When we choose someone to be with, we should choose someone who is willing to make us feel as though we are alive every single day. Waking up to someone who we deserve will put a smile on our face every morning, and a smile on our face every night before we go to sleep. Someone we deserve will have us feeling alive inside, will be somebody that we are really attracted to, not only physically, but mentally, and spiritually. Don’t settle for what may seem okay, settle for being in love and being with someone who only wants to see you happy!” -Karla Dawn Robleza
*CAR SCREECHING TO A HALT SOUND* NEWS FLASH: THIS GIRL IS WRONG!
When you’re first dating a guy, he may make you, “feel alive everyday,” for about…two months, tops (unless he’s like my husband who was able to do so for a few months longer than that). Then, when reality hits, aka life, you realize a person cannot, does not, and is not supposed to be the fire of your life, or what keeps you going, or what sustains you. No human being can ever accomplish that feat. He will never put a smile on your face every morning or every night. Someday, he will mess up, just as you are prone to messing up. He will say or do something hurtful. Now, if you place this kind of unrealistic expectation on a guy, then you will be devastated when he fails you.
Don’t place a person under such unfair pressure. Sure, they can make you smile and you can have many wonderful memories with a guy, but he won’t always make you happy. We human beings are pretty selfish. We want ourselves to be happy first, then whoever we’re with to be happy. For us to come to a place where we consider others before ourselves is very difficult and quite frankly, unnatural. How we can come to a place where we try (but will fail plenty of times), to consider others before we consider ourselves—and with no hidden motives, i.e. hoping he’ll praise us for how good we are or like us more—is by allowing God to do a work in our hearts.
We can’t make ourselves unselfish, it goes against our nature and is almost painful to do in our own strength. But when we come to a place where we humble our hearts and believe we love because, “God first loved us,” (1 John 4:19), and we get to know Him, He can start to show us His heart and inspire us to pursue being more and more like Him.
Before I got to know God, I never knew how selfish I was. Even my very prayers were mostly, if not entirely, selfish. It wasn’t until He answered my desperate cry for help that heart-broken night that I began to pay close attention to who He was and began seeking Him out. I did, and daily—even until today, nine years later—He revealed His heart to me.
I, along with my family, began to see changes in myself very soon. I was more patient with my mom instead of blaming my bitter attitude on her, “being annoying,” and would pray for things that I wouldn’t personally benefit from. I’m not tooting my own horn, I am what I am now because of God. Whatever good is in me, is only there because I’ve asked Him into my heart and He now dwells in it and is cleaning up the mess I’ve made inside. And I still get convicted by the Holy Spirit of selfishness at times.
So no one’s perfect. I say this so that you understand a person can make you happy, but isn’t the key to your happiness. I laid that burden on every guy I ever dated, and my, how many heart-breaks resulted because of those unrealistic expectations. It wasn’t until that desperate cry that night that I basically said, “God You first now, not guys,” and I discovered He and He alone can give me complete joy.
He and He alone can satisfy every need my heart holds. He gives and takes away. He opens doors no one can close, and closes doors no one can open. Most importantly, He loves me like no person, no man, ever could. My daily joy stems from knowing that, not from the wonderful husband I wake up to every morning. Heck, I had so much joy before I met my husband, when my sister was pressuring me to meet him, I said, “I don’t want a guy, Jesus is enough,” and I meant it. Now she insisted, and as you know, the rest is history, but nonetheless, Jesus was and still is enough for me. I pray you save yourself from another heartbreak and come to discover the same.
With abundant love,