I’ve met several girls who have been waiting for their grown man to propose; five, six, seven, even twelve years! They’re just hoping someday he pops the question. I have some bad news: he’s not. And if he does, it’s probably mostly due to lots of subconscious (or obvious) pressure on your part. In this man’s mind, why should he propose? It’s not like anything’s going to change once you get married. You’re already having sex and you already live together. You’re basically married already, right?
O, but you understand better than he. You know it’s not the same. There hasn’t been a magical day where you get to wear your dream dress and look the best you ever will in your life, having everyone you know and love gathered on your behalf…You haven’t shared those precious vows of commitment; you haven’t signed any legal papers holding you accountable as a couple. You don’t have that pretty kept-woman ring on your finger.
Marriage would be different. Marriage would cause more security in your heart. Being his wife would give you the confidence being his girlfriend simply cannot. Being married would also cause the idea of pregnancy to be a lot more comforting. Yes, marriage is something you’ve dreamed of, but your man doesn’t seem to share the same sentiment.
If he’s afraid of the commitment of marriage, or is giving you some other excuse for not proposing yet, tell him, “Okay, that’s fine,” and then set boundaries. Let him know you’re not going to live with him anymore (yup, move back in with Mama, or if you have a decent job, get a roommate). And then tell him you want to be abstinent until the day you’re married. See what happens. If you’re afraid he’s going to leave you, then let him. He wasn’t as in love with you as you thought. And trust me, you do not have to settle for a guy who doesn’t love you as much as he loves himself. There are men who can love you the right way and with the right amount. If you don’t believe that, keep reading your Bible, princess. My goodness, if you only knew…
Summation: Chances are, your boyfriend will not propose to you if you continue to play fake-marriage and stay in the same household and give him all of you (your body). He has no motivation, nothing to look forward to except more responsibility and restraints. As your boyfriend, he can kick you out oh so easily, or ditch you to have to pay rent on your own, and hop to the next woman without having to stand before a judge.
If you want to live in that instability for the rest of your life, be my unfortunate guest. But if this has got you thinking, go through with the thought. Put what I said into action and see what happens. If you end up single, good for you. He wasn’t worth it to begin with. Remember this: any guy can have sex with you, but not just any guy can wait for you. My husband waited for me for over a year-and-a-half. We got married, and on our wedding night he got a gift well worth waiting for. He enjoys me so much more and appreciates and respects me all the more because he waited for me.
Trust me, girl, what you got is worth waiting for. If you don’t think so, pray about it. Ask God to reveal how important you are and to help you see His unbelievable love for you.
With lots of love,