“You’re not the same man I fell in love with.”

There’s a strange phenomenon that happens to many couples after they get married. They both change.

Sometimes, it’s more sudden than one would expect. It can happen as soon as the day after the honey moon.
Suddenly, something happens; there’s some struggle, some issue that arises. Fights can happen because of it, distance, coldness, loneliness.

Something spiritual is at work the moment you say, “I do.” Yes, something very spiritual indeed.

First, what is marriage?

The first marriage ever instituted was that of the famous Adam and Eve.

Who came up with the idea?

God. But ‘member what happens very shortly after they’re married? (Trumpet) Satan enters the picture.

See, marriage is a holy union, a spiritual union. Something happens when you commit your life to one person. It’s something God approves, something He created, and what’s Satan’s mission? To corrupt everything God has made.

He hates God so anything God does, he wants to destroy. When a couple gets married, they’ve (most often unknowingly), signed up for some serious spiritual warfare.

Don’t believe me, just look at the stats for divorce rates.

Marriages are hard enough to begin with because it’s two sinners that are selfish and really love themselves trying to share life with someone just as selfish and in love with themself in hopes that they’ll bring joy to one another and help one another get through life.

Now imagine the many people who try to do the whole marriage thing without God, the One who came up with the idea in the first place. (Really, how many people actually read what the Bible says about marriage and then try and apply it?

Then again, to top it off, here comes the serpent, desiring to, “Steal, kill and destroy,” all that God has made.

With these factors, the odds of a marriage lasting or at least doing it’s job (supporting, loving and serving another person for life), are extremely low.

So what am I saying?

When you get married, your husband is the same man you fell in love with. Only difference is, Satan has been on his back (and yours), like never before and since he’s not extremely connected to God and depending on Him to help him be the husband he should be, he’s starting to get beat down. And again, he’s a sinner like you. If he isn’t lovin’ Jesus so that He changes him, it’s gonna be impossible to overcome the sin in his life (same goes for you honey).

He’s the man you loved, but just going through a war that he’s losing since he’s not connected to the commander and hence, has no plan of action on winning the battles in marriage.

He’s a lost soldier, fighting this war without a gun and without the wisdom of his commander. And you might be too.

So here’s the good news: now that you know the real enemy isn’t your husband, but rather the devil himself, you can stop nagging your husband to be affectionate and/or helpful or whatever else you loved about him before that he’s not doing anymore.

Now you can start fighting off the enemy. Now, instead of complaining to your girlfriends, you can start praying for your husband and your marriage.

Get connected to the Commander. You can read and discover what the Bible has to say about marriage, but trust me, unless the literal Spirit of God (aka the Holy Spirit), is in you, you won’t be able to do the things it says.

So ask for God’s strength, for His Spirit to help you–but you can’t do this without first asking for forgiveness.

“Hold up Natasha, forgiveness for what? I’m the victim here; my husband’s a jerk!”

I would say God’s the victim here.

Ever lie?

Ever take something that didn’t belong to you, even if it was small? Aka, steal?

Ever use God’s name as a cuss word when you were angry (blaspheme)?

Ever lust?

If you said no to these, congratulations, you and Jesus are the only perfect people to ever walk this earth.

Do you see why you have to ask God to forgive you? You’ve messed up, just like we all have. You’ve sinned, yes sinned, against God’s law, the perfect law you and I cannot keep.

Wonderful news: Jesus was perfect and after He lived a sinless life He died guiltless, for you and for me so that we can reconnect with God.

He loves you, yes. But He cannot forgive you if you don’t realize you need to be forgiven.

Then the last part: repent. (Oh boy she’s gettin’ preachy on us).

I use the term repent ’cause too many people think, All I have to do is say sorry and God will forgive me.

What if someone purposefully punched you in the nose and then said sorry. And then did it again, but they said sorry. Then they did it again and said, “I’m sorry.” And again.

You get it? Constantly saying sorry isn’t enough to free you from your guilt. You have to turn away from your sin (repent), and run to God.

Does that mean all Christians are sinless? Definitely not (and if you ever meet one who says they are, they’re lying and as the Bible says, ‘The truth is not in them.’). But it does mean now that you’ve trusted in Jesus, God forgave you, and gave you His Spirit to help you overcome your sin so you’ll still mess up at times, but you’ll mess up less and will live a better and more enjoyable life.

So after this, there’s lots of hope for you and lots of promises. Start reading what the Bible says about marriage and praying for God’s Spirit that is now in you to help you make the best of your marriage and He will. Oh, how He will.

Much love to you,

Natasha

Have any questions or thoughts about this post? Feel free to share them in a comment.

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Daughter of the King, married to a prince. Writer, actress, and my husband's side-kick filmmaker.

3 thoughts on ““You’re not the same man I fell in love with.”

  1. Love Love Love this! God has blessed you with wisdom well beyond your years! I’m so very thankful for all the Christ/Bible based blog ministries that are popping up.

    It’s really quite sad to see the divorce rate in the church equal to that of the secular world. Do you think this could be because many get married ill-prepared?

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