Let’s get real: Why do you want to get married?

Non-Christians have influenced even Christians to believe that marriage is for the sole purpose of ‘being happy.’ The idea is so far from what God intended marriage to be it’s no wonder both non-Christians and Christians alike are divorcing as much as cats reproduce.

Finding that special someone to be happily married to for the rest of your life is, in all honesty, (sorry if I’m about to offend you), selfish.

Relationships (in the mind of those who ignore the Bible), consist of sexual attraction and personality compatibility. When really:

Relationship is a compound word derived from two words, ‘Relation’ and ‘Ship’‘ relation ’ comes from the Latin word ‘ relatus ’ which means to bring back or restore to a former state. The word ‘ -ship ’ comes from the base word ‘ scip ’ which means a condition of being. So if we combine the meaning of the compound word ‘relation-ship’ we would derive a definition which reads: to bring back or restore to a former state or condition of being.If that definition holds true, then that means that the innate human desire to bond and connect is the consequence of one searching to be restored back to their former state or condition of being. (Peter Honore’s, REALationship)

So, what “former state of being” are we trying to come back to? The first relationship was between Adam and Eve, the first human beings to walk the earth that God made. God put Adam to sleep, and then taking one of his ribs, formed Eve. Then He woke Adam up, and presented Eve to him. So Eve was made by something once belonging to Adam, something that now, after God formed her, was missing. To get back to his former state, he needed to do what God commanded him to:

Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.-Genesis 2:24

Adam needed to join himself [in marriage] with Eve, and once that marriage was established, they would become one flesh, as if he never even lost the rib to begin with.

Okay, something key here is that before God made Eve, He stated what her purpose would be in regards to Adam, her ‘the one’:

It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.-Genesis 2:18

See ladies, we are to help the man we can’t wait to meet and marry someday. No where does it talk about happiness. Now, that’s not to say that there isn’t naturally feelings of bliss when discovering that person God has chosen you for and chose him for you, but those feelings begin to fade as responsibilities mount, and then you realize God loves your decision to marry, but Satan hates it.

(Side note: Satan hates marriage because it was something created by God to exemplify His love relationship with His people. Hence, he attacks marriages so arduously because he does not want people to witness that kind of sacrificial love and make the connection to Jesus and the church).

So, you’re all blissful on the honeymoon, but then BAM! Satan strikes! And you’re like, “Oh shoot, this is all out war!” You realize when God said Eve was going to be a ‘suitable helper’ for Adam, that God, knowing all things, knew Satan was going to wage war against the man, Adam, and against marriages, and that Adam would need backup. Trust me, back in ’09 when Jonathan and I met, the feelings of bliss were off the roof. But soon after we got married, spiritual attacks heightened against my husband. I used to pray for Jonathan before we were married, but now, I pray for him A LOT more. I see how much more Satan has been bombarding him, and understand that my purpose in being his wife is to help him–exactly what God said about Eve.

So don’t be so bent out of shape about being single. Trust me, it’s easier. Marriage is war–not against one another, but against the devil and his workers. But God is WAY stronger than Satan, and those who trust in His Son, are also WAY stronger than him.

Behold! I have given you authority and power to trample upon serpents and scorpions, and [physical and mental strength and ability] over all the power that the enemy [possesses]; and nothing shall in any way harm you. (Luke 10:19 Amplified Bible)

See, because me and my husband are both Christians, we can cling to this promise. And I can testify that for the two years and two months that we’ve been married, our marriage has been getting stronger and stronger.

Romance isn’t love. It’s romance. Any man can do it, whether he genuinely loves you or not. The evidence of true love is sacrifice. Does that man sacrifice hanging out with his boys so he can be with you? Does he do the dangerous thing like walking the dog at night, making sure you’re in the house with your cell phone, ready to call him if YOU need anything (this is routine with Jonathan <3)? Does he work hard to make sure he can pay all the bills, not spending the money on his desires (Jonathan wants to be a film-maker, he’s been writing a television series for years that he wants to film himself, but hasn’t bought the camera yet because he’s paying 99% of the bills)? See, this ladies, is real love. Not how many dates he takes you on, or how much he spends on those dates, or how much he lays his paws on you (I use the term paws for boyfriends because your body does not belong to him, he has not earned the right to it).

Once you allow God to satisfy your greatest need (love), and then grasp what marriage truly is and are as ready as can be for it, He will send that person. Just trust Him. He loves you too much to send the guy ahead of time. If He does, chances are you’ll end up like many other rushy Christians who bought into the lie that marriage is all about personal happiness: divorced.

With love and sincere concern,


7 thoughts on “Let’s get real: Why do you want to get married?

  1. Hi. 🙂 I’ve got a question for you. It’s about marriage and death. I mean – let’s say you and Jonathan will end up in heaven. Do you think you will still be a marriage? What does christianity say about love between wife and husband after death? It is eternal or does is just end? I’ve been struggling with this topic for a while and I’d love you to tell me what do you think about that.

    1. Thanks for your question, Paulina. Jesus actually has a direct answer for it in Matthew 22:29-30

      29 Jesus answered and said to them, “You are mistaken, not knowing the Scriptures nor the power of God. For in the resurrection they neither marry nor are given in marriage, but are like angels of God in heaven.

      See, once you accept God’s gift to mankind, Jesus Christ, His Only begotten Son, the Word of God says you then receive the right to become His child. Although married, since Jonathan and I are both children of God, we are really brother and sister in Christ, so when we die, we won’t be married, we will just be children of God, living amongst other children of God for all eternity.

  2. What spiritual attacks happen in a marriage? Isn’t it possible to have this sort of marriage without a Christian? My mother goes to church every Sunday and she’s a great example of a Christian woman who’s right with Christ and my father doesn’t go to church at all even though he was raised to do so, but their marriage is strong and they’ve been married for about 30 years. I know it can be easier to find this sort of relationship with another practicing Christian, but isn’t there hope if only half of the relationship is a practicing Christian?

    1. Thanks for your comment, Karen. I would first say that going to church every Sunday doesn’t necessarily make you a Christian. The term “Christian” is really just a name representing one who has given their life to Jesus and accepted Him as Lord and Savior. Now there are some Christians who have done this, yet they either do not know what God’s Word says on the subject, or they choose to disobey God’s Word on the subject. 2 Corinthians 6:14 says

      Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?

      So, it is an act of disobedience when you marry one who is not a true Christian. Why does God’s Word forbid this? Because what happens is that the person you are married to, if they are not chasing after God, they will hinder you from doing so. You become one when you are married the Word of God says, so this person, whether you realize it or not, can and will affect your personal walk with God if they too are not trying to walk with Him. I’ve heard of stories of women who still went to church, but after 30 years realized how far they had gotten from God. Not that they stopped believing in Him, but their relationship with Him was not half as close as it once was. God wants to spare you from this. He wants you to be unhindered in your relationship with Him, growing more and more every day. You are conflicted when marrying someone who does not love the Lord as you do. Although on the outside you may not see your mom and dad having a bad relationship, you do not know what affects this marriage has had on her personal relationship with the Lord. God is graceful, and He can redeem our disobedience if we cry out to Him on the matter, but the person is not always willing. I know of a woman who literally waited over 22 years for her husband to change. I know others who their husbands never gave their life to the Lord. Whatever the case, God can still restore His relationship with the believing spouse, but had they married according to His way, and His will, their life would have been not only easier, but it would have been in His will and purpose so their life would have been more fruitful because they were walking on the path He created them to walk on. If I chose to marry my ex, I truly do not know where I would be right now. I know one thing’s for sure: Better than Edward would never have happened nor would my fantasy novels be as cool as they are now. My husband is fashioned for me, likewise me for him. We both have the same ministry: we’re both writers and actors, and my husband is also an aspiring film maker. Many times, if not every time, the person God designed you for also has a passion for the same ministry.

      So in essence, God has someone He wants you to marry, and yes, He wills for that person to be a Christian so you both can walk freely in His will and represent marriage for what He wanted it to be: a representation of His relationship with the church. (Ephesians 5:22-33)

  3. Hi Natasha, I am so happy that you so write about this topic. Being a young, 24 year old single african woman is not always that easy, especially when the topic of marriage is raised. Luckily I have been very grateful and blessed to have a mother that does not pressure me to marry for the sake of just marrying. To be honest I feel like there aren’t enough discussion around the purpose and function of a biblical marriage, and what that looks like.
    Being that I go to a predominantly african church, the view of marriage that I have been bombarded with is quite distorted. Don’t get me wrong, not all african churches hold the same views, unfortunately most do. It seems to stem from a lack of discernment of the word.
    However, it is very uplifting and encouraging to hear and see that there are more and more christians speaking out about the fallacies that most of us hold when it comes to marriage.
    Btw, your video about guys who court was such a blessing. Girl, you rock.

    Love from your sister in Christ.

    1. Aw, thanks so much for commenting girl! Whatever wisdom I attain is by the grace of God for, “All treasures of wisdom and knowledge are in Christ Jesus.” Keep standing firm, focusing on the Lord, and in His perfect timing, and when you’re good and ready, He will bring you that man.

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