Non-Christians have influenced even Christians to believe that marriage is for the sole purpose of ‘being happy.’ The idea is so far from what God intended marriage to be it’s no wonder both non-Christians and Christians alike are divorcing as much as cats reproduce.
Finding that special someone to be happily married to for the rest of your life is, in all honesty, (sorry if I’m about to offend you), selfish.
Relationships (in the mind of those who ignore the Bible), consist of sexual attraction and personality compatibility. When really:
Relationship is a compound word derived from two words, ‘Relation’ and ‘Ship’‘ relation ’ comes from the Latin word ‘ relatus ’ which means to bring back or restore to a former state. The word ‘ -ship ’ comes from the base word ‘ scip ’ which means a condition of being. So if we combine the meaning of the compound word ‘relation-ship’ we would derive a definition which reads: to bring back or restore to a former state or condition of being.If that definition holds true, then that means that the innate human desire to bond and connect is the consequence of one searching to be restored back to their former state or condition of being. (Peter Honore’s, REALationship)
So, what “former state of being” are we trying to come back to? The first relationship was between Adam and Eve, the first human beings to walk the earth that God made. God put Adam to sleep, and then taking one of his ribs, formed Eve. Then He woke Adam up, and presented Eve to him. So Eve was made by something once belonging to Adam, something that now, after God formed her, was missing. To get back to his former state, he needed to do what God commanded him to:
Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.-Genesis 2:24
Adam needed to join himself [in marriage] with Eve, and once that marriage was established, they would become one flesh, as if he never even lost the rib to begin with.
Okay, something key here is that before God made Eve, He stated what her purpose would be in regards to Adam, her ‘the one’:
It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.-Genesis 2:18
See ladies, we are to help the man we can’t wait to meet and marry someday. No where does it talk about happiness. Now, that’s not to say that there isn’t naturally feelings of bliss when discovering that person God has chosen you for and chose him for you, but those feelings begin to fade as responsibilities mount, and then you realize God loves your decision to marry, but Satan hates it.
(Side note: Satan hates marriage because it was something created by God to exemplify His love relationship with His people. Hence, he attacks marriages so arduously because he does not want people to witness that kind of sacrificial love and make the connection to Jesus and the church).
So, you’re all blissful on the honeymoon, but then BAM! Satan strikes! And you’re like, “Oh shoot, this is all out war!” You realize when God said Eve was going to be a ‘suitable helper’ for Adam, that God, knowing all things, knew Satan was going to wage war against the man, Adam, and against marriages, and that Adam would need backup. Trust me, back in ’09 when Jonathan and I met, the feelings of bliss were off the roof. But soon after we got married, spiritual attacks heightened against my husband. I used to pray for Jonathan before we were married, but now, I pray for him A LOT more. I see how much more Satan has been bombarding him, and understand that my purpose in being his wife is to help him–exactly what God said about Eve.
So don’t be so bent out of shape about being single. Trust me, it’s easier. Marriage is war–not against one another, but against the devil and his workers. But God is WAY stronger than Satan, and those who trust in His Son, are also WAY stronger than him.
Behold! I have given you authority and power to trample upon serpents and scorpions, and [physical and mental strength and ability] over all the power that the enemy [possesses]; and nothing shall in any way harm you. (Luke 10:19 Amplified Bible)
See, because me and my husband are both Christians, we can cling to this promise. And I can testify that for the two years and two months that we’ve been married, our marriage has been getting stronger and stronger.
Romance isn’t love. It’s romance. Any man can do it, whether he genuinely loves you or not. The evidence of true love is sacrifice. Does that man sacrifice hanging out with his boys so he can be with you? Does he do the dangerous thing like walking the dog at night, making sure you’re in the house with your cell phone, ready to call him if YOU need anything (this is routine with Jonathan <3)? Does he work hard to make sure he can pay all the bills, not spending the money on his desires (Jonathan wants to be a film-maker, he’s been writing a television series for years that he wants to film himself, but hasn’t bought the camera yet because he’s paying 99% of the bills)? See, this ladies, is real love. Not how many dates he takes you on, or how much he spends on those dates, or how much he lays his paws on you (I use the term paws for boyfriends because your body does not belong to him, he has not earned the right to it).
Once you allow God to satisfy your greatest need (love), and then grasp what marriage truly is and are as ready as can be for it, He will send that person. Just trust Him. He loves you too much to send the guy ahead of time. If He does, chances are you’ll end up like many other rushy Christians who bought into the lie that marriage is all about personal happiness: divorced.
With love and sincere concern,