Here’s three must haves if you’re planning on being successful at waiting till marriage:
1.) [If you’re in a relationship] A Christian who truly desires to honor Jesus and follow in His footsteps.
Not just someone who says they’re a Christian, but someone who can prove it by their lifestyle.
(Quick fact: being a Christian isn’t something you’re born into, it is a personal decision to trust in Jesus Christ and turn away from your sins.)
2.) You need to feed your Spirit more than your flesh.
“Okay, what in the blazes does that mean?”
Your spirit is that eternal part of you that, if you have accepted Jesus into your heart, is actually His [Holy] Spirit.
When you ignore His Spirit–that was given to you the moment you accepted Him into your life by not reading your Bible often, praying, just loving and getting to know Jesus–your flesh, the mortal, physical part of you that eventually dies, becomes what you’re led by.
For example, if you read a chapter a day of your Bible, or don’t even do that, yet you’re watching hours of television or you’re on Facebook for hours, etc. you’re going to be driven by physical pleasures and weak when it comes to exercising self-control. Whereas if it’s the opposite: you’re reading chapters of the Bible everyday (as you likely would if you found an entertaining book to read which trust me, the Bible is an awesome read), and praying more than once or twice a day, just loving God, your Spirit will become stronger and that’s what’ll drive you.
Another way to feed your flesh is [if you’re in a relationship] cuddling and kissing a lot. The more affectionate you are, the more affectionate you’ll want to become.
I say keep from anything that causes you to lust. The Apostle Paul told Timothy to treat young women with, “all purity, as younger sisters.” So if you aren’t married, your boyfriend should be treating you with that kind of purity.
Trust me, there are guys who will literally wait for the day the pastor says, “You may now kiss the bride.”
Jonathan wanted to wait, and for months we did with only pop-kissing once or so and lip-locking after he proposed.
It was hard for me because in the beginning of our relationship we were really affectionate (we didn’t learn about courtship until after four months in). But let me tell you, that kiss on our wedding night was amazing. You appreciate the affection so much more when you wait for it, and your love for one another isn’t based on sensations, but on knowing one another’s hearts.
3.) You need accountability.
In other words, you need some Christian friends that you can be completely open with if and when you struggle so they can pray with and encourage you, reminding you of why you’re waiting. And what is ideal is if you have a pastor or a married Christian couple that you meet with once a month to give you guys advice from a clearer perspective than a close friend or family member would (since they’re not so emotionally invested like they would be).
So, those are the essentials for staying pure until marriage. I encourage you to pursue God like you do (or would) the person you believed was the one for you. Talk to Him a lot (prayer), listen to Him (reading His Word), romance Him (private worship. Think of it as a serenade to the Lover of Your soul. He sooo appreciates that). The more you do these things, the more you’ll fall in love with God, and following these three steps will be pretty easy.
Much love to you,
Did I miss anything? Have any thoughts or questions, please do share them in a comment. I’d love to hear from you.