How many women strongly desire to get married? But do you really know the cost of that decision? (You can visit this post later if you’d like that asks the question: why do you want to get married?)
“But if you do get married, it is not a sin. And if a young woman gets married, it is not a sin. However, those who get married at this time will have troubles, and I am trying to spare you those problems.” (1 Corinthians 7:28 NLT)
Please princess, do not be fooled by what the world (who is under the influence of the enemy: 1 John 5:19), tells you marriage is like. It ain’t no 24/7 sensational high. In fact, many of those intense fluttery feelings eventually fade after the honeymoon. Sure, once in a while I get a tiny flutter, but it’s nothing at all like it was in the very beginning. Wanna know why? Because it’s not about how we feel. The same burning/fluttery sensations I got on our wedding night, I’ve had in the past with an ex. Those feelings aren’t love, they’re lust; extreme attraction; hormones.
Real love doesn’t come easily. It’s work. It’s patience. It’s sacrifice. It’s Christ-centered.
When you’re all wrapped up in how a man makes you feel, you’re being selfish and you’re setting yourself up for some serious disappointment. Now, I’m not saying those intense feelings are necessarily bad, but when acted upon and motivated by those feelings, they are certainly bad.
Think about it: how many people get married because they falsely believe those intense feelings are love? Then, when bills and other trials start to come, those feelings quickly disintegrate, and the couple thinks they, “Fell out of love.”
There is no such thing as a difference between, “being in love with your spouse,” and, “Just loving them.” There are, however, different kinds of love:
Eros: physical, sensual love between a husband and wife.
Phileo: a brotherly love and is most often exhibited in a close friendship.
Agape: the most powerful, and noble kind of love: sacrificial love
A good marriage will contain all three. Marriages that survive the enemy’s flaming arrows and temptations, and are powerful displays of God’s love, are not based or built on feelings. They are built on genuine friendship and sacrifice. They mimic the way Christ loves. They love in action.
The spouses serve one another and walk in their prospective roles. They do not try and control the other person, they seek to help the other grow to be more like Christ. This doesn’t mean their marriage is flawless, but it sure is great, and they rarely hurt each other.
Their focus is on Jesus: loving Him, living like Him, and walking in His will. That means wives submit to their husbands in ALL things, take care of the home, help their hubby, and respect him.
For husbands it means they love their wives, protect and provide for them, giving their very life for them if need be, and lead them closer to Christ.
When you get married, you get doubly attacked because it’s now two saints coming together for God’s glory as opposed to one. This means you are your hubby’s backup, his prayer warrior, and his greatest encourager, and the same goes for him.
When you get married you are saying to the enemy that you want to show the world a greater picture of God’s love-relationship with His Bride, His people, so expect warfare.
But, as long as you are loving Jesus, and seeking His kingdom and righteousness first, there won’t be many kinks in your spiritual armor for the enemy to attack.
Me and Jonathan do not argue often. If we’re slightly annoyed with each other, we swiftly apologize. Our marriage is great because we lean upon Jesus, rather than leaning on our own foolish understanding. This takes lots of Bible consumption, accountability, and pleasing prayer. You cannot expect to have a great marriage if you neglect to learn and reflect on God’s will for your life. You cannot expect a great marriage if you do not confess your sins to one another. You cannot expect a great marriage if you do not enjoy serving. You cannot expect a great marriage if you don’t pray fervently and according to God’s will.
These are characteristics that need to be built up in you before God gives you a husband. You need to trust His timing. Too many sisters are impatient and choose their own husband then get mad at the Lord when their men turn out to be wolves or something else they didn’t expect.
If you don’t have a husband yet, it’s because you’re not ready for one. There is still some work that God needs to do before He presents the man He has for you. Please do not make the mistake too many sisters do and get married before your time. You will bitterly regret it.
If you have been anxious about getting married, or enticing brothers for attention, or falling into sexual sin, repent. It’s better to cut off the things making you sin than to stumble off God’s path or stroll into hell (yes, if fornication is not repented of, you will not receive God’s kingdom; 1 Corinthians 6:9-10).
Ask your Husband, Jesus, to engulf you in His love, to help you grasp the depth, width, breadth, and length of it. If Jesus isn’t enough for you, trust me, an earthly husband won’t be either.