Ms. Big Stuff, Who Do You Think You Are? Reblog

this is probably controversial, though for Christian women it shouldn’t be. Ladies, after you read this, I’d love to hear your thoughts. Feel free to share them in a comment.

This was taken from this blog

There is a growing dilemma in western churches in the 21st century–one that has been well documented to be sure, singleness. It is not uncommon, even in the church, to see unwed 30-somethings just chillin’ by themselves in the church with seemingly no hope of ever finding the life partner they need. It’s a sad reality really.

As I’ve met with several young guys, mostly all my age, I see a trend, also, that seems to buck trends. That is to say dudes are actually not the problem, at least in terms of their motivation. Sure, the typical rhetoric goes something like this: Guys just want to get laid, or have a good time, without making a commitment.

Surprisingly, perhaps even shockingly, the remnant of men I have had the fortune of getting to hear from and discuss their frustrations in this are not like that AT ALL. If anything, in today’s generation, it is men who want to settle down and make a commitment. And it’s the women who want to hold back, figure out their careers and for some strange reason wait to get married until they’re 30, even though that means they’ll only have a few years of prime baby-making time (I know there’s a better term, but I’m about to go hard on the women, so I’m trying to keep it light right now).

There are exceptions, and of course ladies I’m not going to call you to something unbiblical like dating and/or marrying an unbeliever, but seriously who do you think you are saying no to a great guy who genuinely likes you and wants to love you the way Christ loved the church? So he may not have a six-pack and broad shoulders. He may not have a six-figure job, but if he has a job he’s off to a good start in providing for his future family. Maybe, just maybe he needs a little encouragement and a little help in figuring out his finances (it is true that women generally are much better at this than guys; I can attest).

But my biggest beef in this realm is this: ladies actually seem to be immature in terms of relationships, at least in my experiences, and I think in many of those that I am aware of with other guys. Here’s what I mean. If a guy makes a mistake of any kind, it seems the female instantly begins holding it against him and lets it build and becomes everything that guy is. She may stay with him for awhile after that, but she’s already made up her mind that she has no interest in remaining with him long-term (which is a horrible way to treat a man; if you really feel like that, cut it right then!).

The point is that single ladies today seem to expect a man to court them perfectly. If we make one mistake, we’re obviously not “The One”. Talk about unbiblical. Jesus said, “If someone sins against you forgive them seventy times seven.” DAG! I admit, even as a guy thinking about forgiving a woman I’m crazy about, that standard seems eccentric. Yet it is the standard that Jesus himself presented and expects obedience to for his kingdom children.

Not to be a blame-placer, which I fear the previous statements make it seem, but it seems much of this new kind of attitude towards relationships developed in wake of the now popular feminist movement. Women are now encouraged to be career women (which is fine if single, but if married with kids seems impractical), and master of their own domains in relationships. In some circles, women are even lauded for how many sexual partners they can reel in, much like men used to be. Women are attempting to take over the world and become the dominant sex, at least from the feminist perspective. And they frankly make no bones about it.

I’m a complementarian, which means I view men and women as equal but with distinct gender roles. Men are to be the head of the household, while women are to respect (the true idea of submission in the Bible) their man. In other words, women should not be trying to take over the world, but should be working side-by-side with men to make the world a better place, and in evangelical terms to reach the nations with the Gospel of Christ.

Sadly, it seems today’s women are content trying to live lives in isolation, if a man’s plan doesn’t fit with theirs. It’s the epitome of selfishness, and not the model that women followed even two generations ago, much less 100 or 200 years ago (which was clearly a better time in our country, though with its own issues). It doesn’t mean that men should just lay it out on the table and say, “this is what we’re doing, whether you like it or not”. It means together the two should figure things out. The only slightly controversial thing I would say is that the man should have the ultimate final say, but that comes only after he’s given legitimate consideration to the opinions of his woman.

Much more could be said in regards to this topic, I suppose. For once, though, I wanted to keep it on the shorter side. Would love thoughts and comments and perhaps even questions to help refine my thinking and encourage discussion on what I think is a crucial issue in the church today.

10 thoughts on “Ms. Big Stuff, Who Do You Think You Are? Reblog

  1. Thanks for posting this article. It’s really refreshing to hear things from a male perspective in terms of relationships and the reason for the “singleness epidemic.” Although these kinds of discussions regarding the plight of single men and women are necessary, I’m afraid they usually turn into a massive blame game. I respect the authors opinion and Im humbled as I read about his likely negative experiences with women, but it seems like he’s writing from a place of bitterness after dealing with the painful effects of rejection. Saying that women in the church are single because they simply reject good Christian men is a general blanket statement based on his experiences. I know of truly born again women with pure hearts for the Lord that want a Godly mate. The problem is the pure lack of men in the church and many of them aren’t pursuing like they should. He also mentioned that women shouldn’t be turning men down because, and I paraphrase, they don’t fit the physical ideal. He’s right, the character of a person is of far greater importance than their outward appearance. But, let’s not kid ourselves and think that physical attraction isn’t a key component to a marriage and I’m sure I don’t have to explain why. I just cringe every time I read an article blaming Christian women for their singleness. Being single is Not a curse. It’s a season where God can really use you in creative ways for His glory.

    Because of my singleness, I’ve been able to travel and live overseas for extended periods of time witnessing and sharing the saving Gospel of Christ Jesus. Doing this would’ve been very difficult or impossible if I were married or at the very least attached to a man.

    I guess what I’m trying to say is blaming others for your/their singleness is potentially harmful, and let’s use this time to serve God and expand His kingdom! He promised that if we take care of his business ( seek ye first the kingdom) that everything that we need will be added unto us. I’m turning 30 this year and I have faith that God will supply a husband in due season if that’s what He wants to do. If He has other plans that don’t include marriage then guess what?! That’s perfectly fine too because He promised to never leave or forsake me and His devotion to me is already like that of a husband (Isaiah 54:4-5). Be encouraged single men and women!

    1. Amen sister, amen! When we’re all real with one another, healing comes. All of this confessing to one another is so beautiful and biblical and helpful. I really appreciate when my brothers and sisters comment. Lets keep iron sharpening ironing one another! Much love to you.

  2. I don’t see many single men in the churches I’ve attended. It’s almost like they wait until they’re married to decide they should go to church. As women, we’re told that we’re not supposed to go looking for men, but how much longer after our 30s should be keep waiting?

    1. The last thing you wanna do is settle for a man who is not pursuing Jesus. You wanna continue to pray and ask God if its in His will, to please prepare you for a godly husband who you could help become what God destined him to become. Sometimes we don’t have our men because we aren’t ready to serve them and build them up. We have to remember we aren’t to get married out of wanting happiness. We get married to help the man fulfill God’s vision for them and we raise up more godly offspring for The Lord. We have to have our mind and heart in the right place which is knowing we must submit to our man and support him.

  3. My dear sister Natasha,

    I’m so grateful that you’ve allowed The Lord to use you in your/His blog. Your posts have blessed me and many others I’m sure. I appreciate your candid advice to singles in the area of relationships but through this you always point us back to the cross warning us never to make an idol out of marriage! Im praying for you and Sir Jonathan:)

    1. Thank you so much, sister!!! Your prayers are so appreciated. We all are called to pray for the brethren. May your love and kindness in interceding for us follow you into eternity and bless you forevermore!

  4. I will no longer get weighted (waited?) down,
    from so-called friends & family talks,
    about the concern for my biological clock
    when I serve the Author of Time.
    Who is not subject to time,
    but I’m subject to Him.
    He has the ability to stop, fast-forward, pause, or rewind at any given time.

  5. So it seemed,
    that it was cool,
    for everyone to be in a relationship but me.

    So I took matters into my own hands
    and… ended up with him.
    him, who displayed the characteristics of a
    cheater, a liar, an abuser, and a thief.

    So why was I surprised when he broke into my heart?
    I called 911, but I was cardiac-arrested for
    aiding and abetting,
    ’cause it was me who let him in,
    claiming we were “just friends.”

    It was already decided for me by the first date that
    even if he wasn’t,
    I was gonna make him “the One.”

    You know… I was tired of being alone,
    and I simply made up in my mind,
    that it was about that time
    so I decided to drag him along for the ride,
    ’cause I was always the bridesmaid and never the bride.

    virgin in the physical,
    but mentally just a grown woman on the corner in heat,
    who was tired of the wait,
    so I was gonna make him “the One.”

    he had a… form of Godliness,
    but not much.

    But, but, hey, hey, I can change him,
    so I’ll take him, I mean he’s close…

    Ready to sell my aorta for a quarter,
    not knowing the value of it’s used to be. (use to me?)
    Arteries so clogged with my will,
    it blocked His will from flowing through me.
    So, I thank Christ that His blood pressure gave this heart an attack,
    that flatlined my obscured vision, put me flat on my back.

    Through my ignorance, He saw,
    so through my sternum He sawed & cracked open my chest
    to transplant Psalms 51:10,
    a new heart
    & a renewed right spirit within.
    So now, I fully understand,
    better yet, I thoroughly comprehend,
    how much I need to wait
    for You.

    the bad thing is
    that I knew he wasn’t you from the beginning.
    ’cause in the beginning was the Word
    and he didn’t even sound or shine like Your Son

    Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks,
    and all he could whisper was
    which meantnothing!

    he couldn’t even have prayed when I needed him to,
    asking him to fast would be absurd,
    so, forget about being cleansed & washed with water through the Word.

    But I know you,
    you are already praying for me.
    Even never having met me,
    let me assure you,
    I will wait
    for you.

    I will no longer date,
    socialize or communicate with carbon copies of you
    to appease my boredom
    or to quench my thirsty desire I have for attention and short-lived compliments from ‘sorta kindas.’

    You know, he ‘sorta kinda’ right, but ‘sorta kinda’ wrong?
    His first name: Luke,
    his last name: Warm.

    I won’t settle for false companionship.
    I won’t lay in the embrace of his arms,
    attempting to find some closeness,
    but never feeling so far, far apart
    ’cause, I just wanna be held.
    ♫ ‘Cause all I gotta do is say♫

    No more ‘almost sessions’ of
    ‘almost coming close’
    passing winks & buying drinks,
    and ♫I’ma,
    I’ma flirt!♫
    Who flirts with the ideology of,
    “Can you just tell me how much I can get away with & still be saved?”

    No more.

    I’ll stay in my bed,
    and write poems,
    about how I will wait for You.

    he won’t even come close,
    our fingers won’t even interlock,
    we won’t even exchange breath,
    ’cause I have thoughts that I’ve ‘saved as’ in a file that God has only equipped you to open.

    I will no longer get weighted (waited?) down,
    from so-called friends & family talks,
    about the concern for my biological clock
    when I serve the Author of Time.
    Who is not subject to time,
    but I’m subject to Him.
    He has the ability to stop, fast-forward, pause, or rewind at any given time.
    if we could role play,
    you would be Abraham & I would be Sara,
    or you can be Isaac & I can be Rebecca–a servant’s answered prayer.
    I am
    bone of your bone,
    flesh of your flesh,
    made up of your rib, Adam.

    And once we meet,
    like electrons, I will be bound to your nucleus,
    completely indivisible

    We even speak the same math:
    1 + 1 + 1 = 3,
    which really equals 1 if you add Him.

    We were all created in His image,
    but you have the ability to reflect, project & even detect
    the Son.
    If I were to explain what you look like,
    you would have to look like a star–
    a sun of the Son.
    I would gain energy simply from the light that you shine on me.
    I would need you in order to complete my photosynthesis.
    I await your revelation, but once again from the genesis,
    I will wait for you.

    And I will know you
    because when you speak,
    I will be reminded of Solomon’s wisdom,
    your ability to lead will remind me of Moses,
    your faith will remind me of Abraham,
    your confidence in God’s Word will remind me of Daniel,
    your inspiration will remind me of Paul,
    your heart for God will remind me of David,
    your attention to detail will remind me of Noah,
    your integrity will remind me of Joseph,
    and your ability to abandon your own will, will remind me of the disciples,
    but your ability to love selflessly & unconditionally will remind me of Christ.
    But I won’t need to identify you by any special Matthews
    or any special marks,
    ’cause His Word will be tatted all over your heart.

    And you will know me,
    and you will find me,
    the boldness of Esther
    meets the warm closeness of Ruth,
    where the hospitality of Lydia
    is aligned with the submission of Mary,
    which is engulfed in the tears of a praying Hanna.
    I will be the one,
    drenched in Proverbs 31,
    waiting for you.

    But to my Father,
    my Father who has known me before I was birthed into this earth,
    only if You should see fit.

    I desire Your will above mine.
    So even if you call me to a life of singleness,
    my heart is content with You–the One who was sent.
    You are the greatest love story ever told,
    the greatest love ever known.
    You are forever my judge & I’m forever Your witness,
    and I pray that I’m always found on a mission about my Father’s business.

    I will always be Yours,
    and I will always wait for You, Lord.
    More than the watchmen wait for the morning,
    more than the watchmen wait for the morning,
    I will wait.

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