this is probably controversial, though for Christian women it shouldn’t be. Ladies, after you read this, I’d love to hear your thoughts. Feel free to share them in a comment.
This was taken from this blog
There is a growing dilemma in western churches in the 21st century–one that has been well documented to be sure, singleness. It is not uncommon, even in the church, to see unwed 30-somethings just chillin’ by themselves in the church with seemingly no hope of ever finding the life partner they need. It’s a sad reality really.
As I’ve met with several young guys, mostly all my age, I see a trend, also, that seems to buck trends. That is to say dudes are actually not the problem, at least in terms of their motivation. Sure, the typical rhetoric goes something like this: Guys just want to get laid, or have a good time, without making a commitment.
Surprisingly, perhaps even shockingly, the remnant of men I have had the fortune of getting to hear from and discuss their frustrations in this are not like that AT ALL. If anything, in today’s generation, it is men who want to settle down and make a commitment. And it’s the women who want to hold back, figure out their careers and for some strange reason wait to get married until they’re 30, even though that means they’ll only have a few years of prime baby-making time (I know there’s a better term, but I’m about to go hard on the women, so I’m trying to keep it light right now).
There are exceptions, and of course ladies I’m not going to call you to something unbiblical like dating and/or marrying an unbeliever, but seriously who do you think you are saying no to a great guy who genuinely likes you and wants to love you the way Christ loved the church? So he may not have a six-pack and broad shoulders. He may not have a six-figure job, but if he has a job he’s off to a good start in providing for his future family. Maybe, just maybe he needs a little encouragement and a little help in figuring out his finances (it is true that women generally are much better at this than guys; I can attest).
But my biggest beef in this realm is this: ladies actually seem to be immature in terms of relationships, at least in my experiences, and I think in many of those that I am aware of with other guys. Here’s what I mean. If a guy makes a mistake of any kind, it seems the female instantly begins holding it against him and lets it build and becomes everything that guy is. She may stay with him for awhile after that, but she’s already made up her mind that she has no interest in remaining with him long-term (which is a horrible way to treat a man; if you really feel like that, cut it right then!).
The point is that single ladies today seem to expect a man to court them perfectly. If we make one mistake, we’re obviously not “The One”. Talk about unbiblical. Jesus said, “If someone sins against you forgive them seventy times seven.” DAG! I admit, even as a guy thinking about forgiving a woman I’m crazy about, that standard seems eccentric. Yet it is the standard that Jesus himself presented and expects obedience to for his kingdom children.
Not to be a blame-placer, which I fear the previous statements make it seem, but it seems much of this new kind of attitude towards relationships developed in wake of the now popular feminist movement. Women are now encouraged to be career women (which is fine if single, but if married with kids seems impractical), and master of their own domains in relationships. In some circles, women are even lauded for how many sexual partners they can reel in, much like men used to be. Women are attempting to take over the world and become the dominant sex, at least from the feminist perspective. And they frankly make no bones about it.
I’m a complementarian, which means I view men and women as equal but with distinct gender roles. Men are to be the head of the household, while women are to respect (the true idea of submission in the Bible) their man. In other words, women should not be trying to take over the world, but should be working side-by-side with men to make the world a better place, and in evangelical terms to reach the nations with the Gospel of Christ.
Sadly, it seems today’s women are content trying to live lives in isolation, if a man’s plan doesn’t fit with theirs. It’s the epitome of selfishness, and not the model that women followed even two generations ago, much less 100 or 200 years ago (which was clearly a better time in our country, though with its own issues). It doesn’t mean that men should just lay it out on the table and say, “this is what we’re doing, whether you like it or not”. It means together the two should figure things out. The only slightly controversial thing I would say is that the man should have the ultimate final say, but that comes only after he’s given legitimate consideration to the opinions of his woman.
Much more could be said in regards to this topic, I suppose. For once, though, I wanted to keep it on the shorter side. Would love thoughts and comments and perhaps even questions to help refine my thinking and encourage discussion on what I think is a crucial issue in the church today.