I spoke to a brother yesterday who was upset over some emotions he had been experiencing. See, he’s a single Christian man who is really pursuing Jesus, and he likes a single Christian sister who likewise is really pursuing Jesus. He said she’d, “give him signs,” by smiling at him, but then she’d do other things that caused him to doubt. He was on the verge of just quitting because of the emotional confusion. So here’s some advice on how to let a godly man know you’re interested without being inappropriate.
1.) Invite God into the process.
This is vital. If you have prayed for this man and know he is really following Christ, ask God to please lay you on this man’s heart, and have him pursue you. Ask God to make him bold, to cast out all fear, and to ask to get to know you better.
2.) Don’t play hard to get.
“Hard to get” is a worldly, immature idea that causes confusion and emotional distress.
Believe it or not ladies, many men are insecure, uncertain, or simply oblivious to the fact that you like them. Sometimes they need a little encouragement. My suggestion, eye-contact with smiles a few times when he’s around.
Observe his reaction. Does he smile back? If he doesn’t and just ignores it, this can be a sign he isn’t interested.
If he does smile back every time in that kind of way (some people just give a regular smile but there’s a different smile for someone they like), invite him to hang out with you and some other brothers and sisters.
Be reasonable. If it’s been over a year with you giving him smiles and eye contact and inviting him to hang out in group settings and he still has done nothing, maybe it’s time to let it go. Don’t hang on tightly to liking a guy that isn’t pursuing you. He very well may be someone else’s husband.
But most importantly, you wanna make sure you aren’t just desiring a husband without preparing yourself for one.
We ladies can romanticize the idea of marriage so much, we end up daydreaming and fantasizing all the time and not even doing things to practically prepare to be a wife.
You really want a husband? Start praying diligently for that man. Not just, “O, God, send me a husband,” but actually intercede for him. “God, I pray for my future husband, that He loves and puts You first. That He will love You more than he loves me. Please build up his faith and protect him from the evil one. Help him to remain pure,” etc.
And then pray for yourself: “Lord, help me to learn how to submit. God, help me to be honest and chaste, not to flirt with my brothers in the Lord out of respect and honor for both You and my future husband. Help me to learn how to be a helper,” etc.
I see women that really want a husband, yet they’re lusting after Ryan Gosling or some other Hollywood star. Seriously? How is that bringing good and honor to your future spouse? You think that’s suddenly going to go away when you’re married? If you’ve trained yourself to lust after or physically admire other men who are not your husband, you will struggle with that when you’re married. You have to be serious and show God you are preparing for one of his precious sons.
That’s my advice. Do any of you have advice you think is God-honoring and helpful? Please do share them in a respectful comment. Much love!