Christian Women: Be Careful How You Speak To Men

The way we Christian women relate to the opposite sex, particularly the way we speak to them, is crucial on so many levels.

1.) It can glorify/magnify God’s name, or dishonor/defame His holy name.

2.) It can build up our brothers, or hinder or tear down our brothers.

3.) It can cause you to be desirable as a wife, or make brothers steer very clear from you.

Let’s tackle these one-by-one.

1.) If you say you follow Christ, then it is rightly expected of you to be obedient to His commands. “If you love me, you will keep my commandments.” (John 14:15) If His word tells us to win our husbands over without a word, simply by our respectful behavior, and we don’t do that, how are we showing the world we love Him? If a non-Christian sees you arguing with your husband or brother in the Lord, talking down at him, or raising your voice at him, how does that make Christ look?

2.) Your words can encourage a man to soar on wings like an eagle into God’s destiny for his life, or shoot him down like a hunted duck. You can clip his wings with your belittling words and rebukes and have him be a bird that can’t fly so he just stays comfortable at home, or you can be the gasoline that fuels him forward like a jet-plane. Let’s leave the rebuking and exhorting men for other godly men, and use our conversations with them to encourage and uplift. The women around Jesus helped His ministry continue, they offered what they could to benefit Him. And when Martha spoke to Him in a belittling manner, telling Him what He ought to do regarding her sister rather than meekly asking Him for help, or just keeping quiet and trusting He saw her need, He corrected her. Let’s be like Mary, who humbly sat at Jesus’ feet. Instead of confronting our brothers or husband with boldness like Martha did, let’s humbly appeal to them as Esther did with her husband. An appeal is a request or reference to some person or authority for a decision, corroboration, judgment, etc. Don’t come to men as if they’re your child. Come to them respectfully and speak to them as what they are called to be—a leader.

3.) If whenever you speak to brothers, you’re very authoritative and bold, you can scare them off. They can look at you as head-strong and although they may appreciate your courage, they can think that as a wife, you’ll be a head-butter. A gentle and quiet spirit is beautiful both to God and man. You can have bold faith, but you don’t have to tell men what they ought to be doing or what they’re doing wrong. You can appeal to them and ask them to consider some things, but the moment you start boldly calling out stuff, you can quickly become unattractive to them. Watch your tongue around your brothers in Christ. If you speak at them with authority, many times, even if you’re right, they’ll reject your counsel because you’re saying it the wrong way. Been there done that with my husband in our dating days and some more now in marriage and I’ll tell ya, it doesn’t work nor is it beneficial to him.

Our society has been very effective in emboldening women, and I don’t think it’s entirely a good thing. Now before you blow a fuze and start labeling me sexist, please finish this blog post.

In biblical times (thousands of years ago), women were very gentle and submissive to their male-counterparts. And what was the result? Lots of love from their husbands and lots of amazing male leaders. How did I come up with such a conclusion? Ruth, Esther, Rebekah, were all greatly loved and esteemed by their husbands, and their husbands were great leaders who God used in hugely significant ways, like legacy-status, and their wives played major parts in their husband’s legacies.

Now-a-days you got women fighting men, belittling men, hating men, competing with men, and what’s the outcome? Men are becoming weaker leaders, or simply stepping down from the leadership position altogether, not going out there and working hard, then some of us wonder why they’re behaving in such a way. I’m not saying having freedoms is a bad thing, but when we use them to treat men the way I previously described, it’s not God-honoring. And I don’t want to place all the blame on us women, however, I’m certainly placing some of it on us.

I’ve come a long way, but God is still working on me in this area. So if any of this rings true with you, just repent. Come to God with this sin and He will lovingly embrace you. Ask for His help in walking in self-control and using your tongue to build up your brothers. You really can do all things through Christ because He strengthens you so you can obey Him, as long as you’re willing.

In the same way, wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, even if some disobey the Christian message, they may be won over without a message by the way their wives live when they observe your pure, reverent lives. Your beauty should not consist of outward things like elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold ornaments or fine clothes. Instead, it should consist of what is inside the heart with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very valuable in God’s eyes. For in the past, the holy women who put their hope in God also beautified themselves in this way, submitting to their own husbands, just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. You have become her children when you do what is good and are not frightened by anything alarming. (1 Peter 3:1-6)

Remind them to be subject to rulers and authorities, to obey, to be ready for every good work, to speak evil of no one, to be peaceable, gentle, showing all humility to all men. (Titus 3:1, 2)

Praying for you,


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