Ladies, Let Go Of Your Dreams

I’m about to ruffle some skirts and crack some heels so ladies, brace yourselves: We about to get biblical.

It’s not about your dreams, it’s about his vision. Yes, I am speaking about your husband or future husband.

God did not create marriage to be: a wife has her dreams, a husband has his, separately they get their dreams accomplished, or the husband helps the woman achieve her dreams while he stays at home. You will not find this anywhere in the word of God.

What you do find is God saying it’s not good for man to be alone, that He will make a helper suitable for him.

We, as women, are designed by God to be man’s helpers, particularly our husband’s. Tell me, where in Scripture do you see a solo act of a woman pursuing her dreams with men helping her accomplish her goals?

The only time you see a woman leading a man was in Deborah’s story, and God did not want her leading men in battle. In fact, it was a rebuke and an embarrassment for them that they disobeyed and distrusted God and made the woman lead.

If you want to be a wife someday, or you are a wife, you must pray down the strongholds of your mind: the idea that you have visions and dreams of career or what-have-you that must come to pass, and your man needs to help you make them happen, and instead adopt a biblical mentality, a God-given mentality, which is: I am created to be a man’s helpmeet.

The women noted in the New Testament, what did they do? Serve Jesus. They tended to His needs, and helped Him. They didn’t run their own shows. If it was a married couple, together they advanced the kingdom of God.

We women need to overcome the curse inherited to us by Eve, “your desire will be to rule your husband,” and embrace the new Christ-like mentality: “He who is greatest among you must become least of all.”

It took me over three years of failure after failure to realize I should not be pursuing my own separate visions and “dreams.” I am to be one with my husband and help him , not do my own thing.

Whatever God wants me to do, it would not be apart from or aside from my husband, unless it deals specifically with ministering to women only. Otherwise, it’s not of God.

Writing books, acting in films, anything that does not include my husband is my own selfish ambition. I discovered this the hard way—several times.

I’m writing this so you don’t have to learn the hard way and hurt God, your husband, and your bank account. And his bank account.

Let me add, being a helper to my husband is in no way demeaning, enslaving, or any other oppressive word that may jump into your mind. It is fun and O, so rewarding! I recently learned of this these past two weeks filming this book trailer with Jonathan.

God gave me gifts that do what He said they would do: complement my husband. They aren’t just for me. I was not and am not called to a life of singleness. So, my duty as a wife is to help my hubby advance the kingdom through the calling and gifts God has given him.

It’s not about my books, or my movies, or my ministry. It’s about his ministry, and my joining with him to strengthen that ministry.

The wife is such a vital component. My husband has freely said, “I would not have been able to do this trailer without you.” He’s right. I don’t say that with pride but with confidence and fear, that God has so made me to help my husband, I’d be hurting the advancement of His kingdom if I decide to do my own thing and let hubby fend for himself. Besides, who has time to work on films while they’re trying to write a trilogy? It just doesn’t work. [God has blessed the fantasy story I started, but it’s become a team-effort. It wasn’t until hubby joined me that it really started going somewhere]

So maybe you’re wondering why you haven’t met your husband yet, but instead you should be asking, do I understand what being a wife means? It will cost you, but not much. Those dreams you have are nothing compared to what God can do through a couple who are one and obedient to His directives. “Two are better than one,” and when, “two agree on anything on earth it shall be done for them.” Satan doesn’t want Christians to get married and if he guesses marriage is in your future, it makes sense that he’ll give you all these “dreams from God” that have nothing to do with your future spouse and will cause conflict and separation. Divide and conquer, he’s quite crafty at it. It may be even just one path to the left: what you’re gifted to do, but Satan will have you do it for you in the guise of giving God glory. But how glorious would that be if my children saw mommy was too busy with her books to help daddy so daddy tried, but eventually threw in the towel on his dreams and let mom do her thing? Or how glorious would it be if my books became best-sellers but at the expense of helping my husband achieve His God-given calling? Would it not give God more glory for the world to look on and see that together we wrote a best-seller, or made a powerful film, me at Jonathan’s right hand, and him leading the vision? A united force, a devoted team, sacrificing for one another unto completion rather than succeeding on our own? (Because how many married couples are more like roommates with “special benefits” rather than a passionate team?)

Precious sister, please pray and let God’s word renew your mind, relying on the Holy Spirit’s transformative work in your life.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not rely on your own understanding; think about Him in all your ways, and He will guide you on the right paths. (Proverbs 3:5, 6 HCSB)

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Daughter of the King, married to a prince. Writer, actress, and my husband's side-kick filmmaker.

7 thoughts on “Ladies, Let Go Of Your Dreams

  1. I personally think that women do not have to let go of their dreams. If God gave us the ability to have visions and perseverance it is not to give up on it once we meet our husband. Then every Christian women should be stay home mother ? How would we educate our kids? To our son : Go and pursue what God has put on your heart, and to our daughter : everything that you hope for please do not take it too much at heart because really you have been created just to help men ?? we are helper yes, but we are equal (Once we accepted Jesus and we live by the Holy Spirit.) Yes there is time where we will have to back up, when we bear children men can still have their ministry and women have new priorities (for a while). But saying that the only purpose of women basically is to make the life of men easier is not biblical. Paul says in Galatians 3:28 : There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus . I think that when we pray for a future husband, first we need to understand that marriage is not about just finding a mate, but find someone with who we can build the Kingdom of God, and announce the good news of Jesus Christ. Then if I am a singer, it would be wise to ask for someone who has the same ministry! And as we become one, I would be able to help him as much as he would help me because we both have the same dream ! Why would God put me in the backstage cheering for my husband if He gave me the talent of singing? It does not make sense. He gave to every body a purpose and gifts, and I do not think that when He will ask us : What have you done with the gift I gave you? God will accept this answer : Well I am a woman, I got married so I dig a hole and hide it in order to help my husband to be the man He can be…… That’s the role of the Holy Spirit! We are helper but it is the Holy Spirit that does all the work! So thinking that God ask us to sacrifice our dreams (specially when they are for his glory and not for our own) to be 100% focus on our husband… No I’ll have to disagree. And it is not because we fail in what we want to achieve that means that it is wrong. I have watched all your videos, and almost all your posts ! Honestly you encouraged me so much! THE DEVIL KNOWS THAT !!!!!!!!! He knows that if you succeed in the talent that God has given you then a lot of young women will feel encouraged, a lot of ladies will found their value in Jesus, a lot will give up the world and its idea and fell in love with Jesus!!!!!!!! So Satan will do alll he can to discourage you !!! BUT PLEASE DONT !!!! I have found your website on a pagan website and it was such a blessing. I shared it with a lot of friends, during an event for Christian girls on campus we put your video on a projector and thirty girls felt enouraged !!!! You do not know the impact that you have. So please, be a great wife to your husband BUT Don’t give up your dream. 🙂

    1. Thank you for your comment, sister. I don’t want you to think I’m saying women are lesser than men, the Bible does say we are one in Christ and there is no favoritism with God, but I do believe men and women have distinct roles. Women have the role of supporting, men have the role of leading. One is not independent of the other, together we both are vital and essential. Just like the example Paul uses with the different body parts and each part having their distinct roles and functions. Being a helper doesn’t mean we are lower in value to God than men. Not at all. I think there’s freedom and joy in knowing our roles, what we are to do, and knowing we don’t need to compete with anyone. I’m still going to minister to my precious sisters, and hubby supports that. This is biblical: “older women teaching younger women.” I’m doing what this verse says:
      “Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.” (Titus 2:3-5 ESV)

      1. Amen I agree with you. Maybe it is my interpretation that was wrong, in this world being the help is not praised but it is true Jesus came to serve. Amen, I pray that we can all as daughters of God know His perfect will and accomplish it without any frustration and joyful obediance.

  2. Amen I agree with you. Maybe it is my interpretation that was wrong, in this world being the help is not praised but it is true Jesus came to serve. Amen, I pray that we can all as daughters of God know His perfect will and accomplish it without any frustration and joyful obediance.

  3. Hello! I just wanted to ask about this because I’m confused. I always understood the concept of woman being the helper but if her dream helps the marriage, whats the problem with her having her own dream? If her husband is succeeding and being supported by her and hes fine with her reaching goals that she believes God wants her to pursue, this is still wrong? I’m confused because I see husband and wife teams doing the Lord’s work but she will still enjoy her own dream with her husbands encouragement. Also, for the women who were doing something before they got married, such as working as a doctor, but their husband is a minster etc., would you say she is to give up her calling if it doesn’t directly support his?? Thanks!

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