I don’t know much about 50 Shades of Gray, and I frankly do not care to and would hope you don’t either. But from what I’ve heard, the main character likes to be dominated during sex aka she likes sadomasochism.
And it seems a growing number of people dig this whole getting slapped around and/or controlled during intercourse. But let’s get one thing clear: a man or woman taking dominance over another human being is not true manhood or womanhood, it’s perversion.
I would venture to say some women enjoy this because they’re desperate for a man that leads.
It most certainly is attractive when a man steps up and leads—the right way. And sadly, these women clearly never knew such a noble man or were never taught by one, because if they were, they’d know abuse in the bedroom isn’t manly, it’s cowardly and sends the message, “You are under me, you’re a slave, I am using you for my sick pleasures.”
Genuine, incredible, and beautiful intimacy is between two married godly persons who love each other and know they are a gift. They’re offering themselves to their spouse, trusting he or she will handle with care. There is a mutual trust, and pleasure is a natural byproduct when a married couple in Christ becomes one.
It’s an intimate knowing of this person. They each seek to please and serve the other. It’s a mutual giving of one another, a sharing of what belongs to them both. There’s joy, and deep friendship. They leave not just satisfied, but knowing and loving their spouse more.
That’s good sex.
That’s real oneness.
S&M sex, and all premarital sex is selfish, self-seeking, and dishonoring to both persons and God their Creator. The bible teaches that true religion before God is too keep one’s self unspotted by the world, and that if a Christian loves the world, he or she makes himself an enemy of God. S&M sex is not biblical, it’s worldly and sensual. It’s not the way Song of Solomon records sex amongst a godly Christian couple.
“bondage and discipline,” “dominance and submission,” and “sadism and masochism.” People who practice BDSM might like to incorporate pain, dominance, submission, bondage, just some of these things, or all of these things and then some into their sexual practices.”-http://www.sexualrecovery.com/blog/bdsm-history-culture-awareness/
Paul tells us that everything we do, we do for the glory of God. How does the above glorify our maker? How does bondage and physical abuse and dominance glorify and exemplify Christ? The answer is it doesn’t. Christ rebuked the disciples for desiring to exercise lordship, and teaches that His disciples are to be humble servants of all, not controlling, binding, and hitting others. He said He came to set the captive free. Binding someone is totally against Christ’s personality. He sets people free, He doesn’t exercise dominance over His beloved bride, the church, and put chains upon her.
The bible says a husband should take care of his wife like he does his own body, nourishing and cherishing it. Does S&M fall under that category? I think not, and this is why I am opposed to it, and believe God is as well.
Also, when people engage in any form of premarital sex, instead of feeling closer, over time the couple finds it harder and harder to connect. They reach a plateau, and having sex isn’t as enjoyable anymore.
Not so in a Christ-centered marriage between two surrendered Christians. Sex only gets better and better! They want to enjoy each other and spend time together, they look forward to it. They become closer afterwards, not farther away. And this is because sex outside of marriage, outside of God’s will, is not something He can bless. In fact, He pours out His wrath and judgement upon it, hence the STI epidemics, broken relationships, and all the emotional damage and self-devaluing that occurs because of it.
My heart breaks for women who let themselves be used, or use others because they’re seeking to be fulfilled. But only Christ Jesus can fulfill you, and His plans for your life are truly pleasing and perfect.
He gave us EVERYTHING we need and more. His love is more satisfying than any sexual conquest. He gives us incalculable value, making us sons and daughters of the King of the universe. My value doesn’t come and go anymore. It’s in the love of Christ and who He’s made me. It’s in the fact that Christ chose to die in my rightful place. That though I lied, and lusted, and hated, and blasphemed His holy name, He chose to forgive me when I turned to Him. He accepted me and transformed me into a new creation, into who I was created to be. He made me a woman of honor and passion, a loving and caring wife. He’s done so much I can’t begin to testify of it all, but I am beyond grateful and I can’t but tell you He can and greatly desires to do the same for you.
I pray you seek Him.