Ladies, Being Single Got You Down?

You will show me the path of life; In Your presence is fullness of joy; At Your right hand are pleasures forevermore. (‭Psalms‬ ‭16‬:‭11‬ NKJV)

I have a question for you ladies. If you are down about being single, do you think you are experiencing this verse?

Let me remind you, King David was the one who wrote this Psalm (before he was King). Here’s what one teacher said was going on right before David penned this psalm:

1This Psalm finds David running from Saul. He comes to the mountain of Maon. He is on one side of the mountain. He finds that Saul is on the other side. Bear in mind that Saul is attempting to kill David. Soon Saul’s forces encircled David until he thought that death was inevitable. Just when it appeared that escape was impossible a messenger came and shouted to Saul, “Philistines have invaded the land.” This diverted Saul’s attention and David was spared once again. During this time of tension David penned the words of Psalm 16.

Not only was an evil and crazed king (Saul) hunting David’s life, he was living/hiding in caves, eating who knows what, AND he was single (and you think you got it bad). Yet despite all of the horrific trials he was going through, he managed to say that in God’s presence there’s fullness of joy, and at His right hand are pleasures forevermore.

What pleasures could David possibly have had in the wilderness? Stinky, hungry, tired, scared, surrounded by a group of violent men who probably smelled just as bad—if not worse.

See, what David had wasn’t earthly pleasures. He’s talking about the spiritual, the heavenly pleasures that come from Christ alone.

He knew this spiritual truth:

God’s presence brings fullness of joy.

When he speaks about the presence of God, He’s not referring to the omnipresence of God being everywhere at all times. He’s describing that personal, intimate closeness where God reveals His presence only to those who are fully His. It is here that there is fullness of joy.

Some of you sisters are not joyful because you simply are not basking in the presence of our Lord. I can tell you, having a husband isn’t what gives you fullness of joy. Waking up to God and purposefully getting alone with Him, singing songs of worship and praise to His name and praying to Him is where complete and abundant joy resides.

Joy isn’t an earthly thing. It’s a heavenly thing. Happiness is the earthly, worldly, imitation of joy. That’s why it doesn’t last. You can have it for five minutes and then BAM! something bad happens and it’s gone.

But joy is eternal. It isn’t fleeting. As long as we abide in Christ, we will always have it—no matter what our circumstances look like.

So if you’re down, or just know you’re missing that continual joy, I encourage you to do what David did in this psalm. A psalm is a song. He immediately began to praise God in the midst of his trial. He lifted up His voice to God and acknowledged His need for Him,

“Preserve me, O God, for in You I put my trust. O my soul, you have said to the LORD, “You are my Lord, My goodness is nothing apart from You.” (‭Psalms‬ ‭16‬:‭1-2‬)

And God began to speak through Him:

As for the saints who are on the earth, “They are the excellent ones, in whom is all my delight.” (‭Psalms‬ ‭16‬:‭3‬)

David renounces evil and declares he will have no part in the evil deeds of others:

“Their sorrows shall be multiplied who hasten after another god; Their drink offerings of blood I will not offer, Nor take up their names on my lips.” (‭Psalms‬ ‭16‬:‭4‬)

And then he begins to proclaim who God is to him; he lavishes the Lord with words of love and gratitude:

“O LORD, You are the portion of my inheritance and my cup; You maintain my lot. The lines have fallen to me in pleasant places; Yes, I have a good inheritance. I will bless the LORD who has given me counsel; My heart also instructs me in the night seasons. I have set the LORD always before me; Because He is at my right hand I shall not be moved.”(‭Psalms‬ ‭16‬:‭5-8‬)

If you notice, David continues getting revelation just by being in God’s presence (the Word says that God inhabits the praises of His people, so praise ushers in His presence; those whom He hears praising Him, He will particularly draw near to). David says: He is at my right hand, I shall not be moved.

This very thing happens to me often while in praise and worship to God. I’ll start speaking things out loud about God and the victory I have in Him and how He’s with me, and just beautiful truths that He reminds me of and reveals to me through His presence in my midst. Sisters, imagine if you do this everyday? I strongly believe part of—if not the main reason—why I’m still in love with Christ, serving and growing in Him is because every morning I get into His Word and then into His presence.

So make time for God. Get alone with Him and praise and thank Him. I promise you will soon be filled with joy and no longer hurting over your singleness.

2 thoughts on “Ladies, Being Single Got You Down?

  1. Amen Sis. I’m also grateful for the Lord that He has reveal this truth to you so you may encourage other fellow sisters.

    Before I have anything else to say, I do notice that each person feels differently about the intensity of her/his trials or seasons. Some might feel that their seasons of singleness is worse than David’s trial.

    With that being said and understood (to some that might actually feel that way), I would like to add, if I may, regarding happiness and marriage.

    Happiness is NOT the REASON for marriage. Rather, it is the RESULT from a God-honoring marriage. This doesn’t mean that one cannot anticipate the happiness from her/his marriage. But once again, I think that most singles gear more towards this kind of mentality (I’m also guilty of this): “I’m lonely and not happy. But once I get married, I’ll surely be happy and complete.” As cliché and exaggerated as it might sound, this cosmic fantasy is still lingering somewhere in our minds. However, since happiness is the “result” from marriage, how can you be happy once you get married when you’re not even happy to begin with?

    This is why being in God’s presence which brings the fullness of joy is essential before going into marriage (at least a God-honoring marriage if you want the result of true happiness). I think most would recognize this verse: “…for the joy of the Lord is your strength” (Nehemiah 8:10). In the case of a God-honoring marriage, the joy of the Lord would sustain a person’s love for her/his spouse even when that spouse is not so lovable at some point in time (let’s be honest). For instance, a husband with the joy of the Lord would still choose to love his wife even if he “thinks that she’s naggy” at times. And for the wife with the joy of the Lord, she would still choose to love her husband even if he’s lazy at times for not doing jack. Hence, she needs to be naggy to get him to do something to help out around the house. (There you go, the great dilemma has been solved…lol.)

    Let’s give a more serious and important example. Only a husband with the joy of the Lord could still choose to love his wife even when his “needs” are not being met due to her circumstances such as pregnancy, tiredness/fatigue, time of fasting and dedication to the Lord, and etc. So instead of being bitter about his needs not being met and going out to flirt with other women, the joy of the Lord strengthens him so that he will be convicted by the Holy Spirit and committed to love her exclusively.

    Similarly, only a wife with the joy of the Lord could still choose to love her husband even when her “needs” are not being met due to his circumstances such as time of fasting and dedication to the Lord, work, business trips, and etc. Instead of feeling lonely that she doesn’t have her hubby to share her feelings with and to cuddle with, the joy of the Lord strengthens her so that she will be convicted by the Holy Spirit and committed to love him exclusively.

    Now, I’m not saying that none of these “instead of” feelings would ever creep in to attack your marriage once you have “the joy of the Lord.” It’s not a lucky charm. The enemy seeks to steal, kill, and to destroy (John 10:10). Realistically, those feelings will creep into your thoughts during the time of difficulties within the marriage. Thus, all the more reason to be joyful in the Lord’s presence because the power of the Lord overcomes the flesh. And “perfect love casts out fear” (1 John 4:18).

    Moreover, another important element that is necessary within a God-honoring marriage is the “love for the Lord.” Without the joy and the love for the Lord, even the “holiest of holies” would fall big time. That is why you hear that even pastors in the churches commit adultery.

    The fact is simply this:

    “If you love Me, keep My commandments.” (John 14:15)

    …”If anyone loves Me, he will keep My word; and My Father will love him, and We will come to him and make Our home with him.” (John 14:23)

    Some might ask then “how can I be in God’s presence which brings the fullness of joy?!?!?!?!?” Watch this, it’s very profound. The Word says if you “love Him (the Lord/Jesus)” – {You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your strength, and with all your mind…Luke 10:27} – you will keep His commandments/words. Then Jesus continues on with this statement: and My Father will “love him,” and We will “come to him” and make Our home “with him.” These are all pertaining to being in God’s presence. And to love Him wholeheartedly is the key.

    With the love for the Lord and the joy of the Lord, it can sustain your conviction by the Holy Spirit to follow His commandments/words and the commitment to love your spouse in a God-honoring way.

    In Christ

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