Wanting to be wanted. I’ve been there. I used to dress sexy. Ironically, I was trying to reel in “the one” but all I was reeling in were sharks, toads, and wolves. Little did I know, my outer appearance displayed a very different message to the men crossing my path. I remember once I was in the mall and a group of men started yelling about my behind. Though I had specifically chosen to wear those skin-tight jeans because I thought they made my bottom look bigger, I got so angry at their attention. I cussed and yelled at them, but really, I had spurred them on with my attire. How I was dressed sent the message: treat me like I’m an object for your pleasure, rather than a woman who is worthy of respect.
Now my heart breaks when I see women doing the same thing I used to do, hoping they’ll find love someday. I’m sure like I experienced, they keep getting let down. They’re going about finding a man in all the wrong ways yet wondering why it never works out.
Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. (Proverbs 31:30)
I remember really liking this young man when I was in high school. During an online conversation, based on my sexy profile pics, he felt comfortable enough to tell me he had masturbated to my photos. I was quite disgusted. Here I was thinking he could become a long-term boyfriend, yet he was already thinking about having sex with me because of my photos. He wasn’t thinking long term at all.
I had another boyfriend who was also pretty honest. This guy knew I was a virgin and didn’t want to be intimate, and so he told me he’d try really hard to wait. He waited two weeks and then dumped me.
As you can imagine, I was pretty discouraged about my vicious relationship cycle: frog after frog. No guy could love me like I loved them. I remember looking in the bathroom mirror and saying, “I’m never going to get married. I’m just meant to be single the rest of my life.”
A year or so later I gave my heart to the Perfect Man: Jesus. He not only healed my broken heart, but I suddenly had hope again that I would someday marry. I just knew that I would one day, and that until then, I would wait. It wasn’t but two weeks later that I met Jonathan, the man who is now my husband. He feared God and loved Him. The first four months of our relationship, we didn’t know how to protect ourselves from temptation, and stumbled more than once. We’d always cry and feel terrible, do good for a while, then mess up again. But God knew we didn’t want that for our relationship. We knew it was wrong and desperately wanted to please God.
During that time, God persisted in trying to tell me about courtship, but I kept forgetting. After going on a mission trip, everything changed. God put a pastor in my life who would eventually become a mentor to Jon and I, and the Lord had a Christian sister give me a book on courtship. We now had the wisdom on how to stay pure until marriage, and by God’s grace and Holy Spirit, we overcame. I’m very blessed and beyond thankful to say that although I wasn’t completely untouched until marriage, I was a virgin until my wedding night.
I know not everyone reading this is a virgin, but do not believe the lie that you are now damaged goods. When you repent, Christ sees you as a new creation, His pure daughter who He indeed wants/commands his son to wait for until marriage. God wants to protect your purity, to guard your heart until the right time. He doesn’t condemn premarital sex and all other forms of sexual activity outside of marriage between one man and one woman for no good reason. He does it because He loves us and knows what’s best for us. If you think you know better than God, that’s some serious pride, and God resists the prideful but gives grace to the humble. If you agree with God’s word, which says fornicators won’t receive the kingdom, and you desire to obey Him because you know He is worthy of your devotion and love because of all that He’s done for you, He will lovingly guide and teach you how to please Him.
I pray you surrender to the only Man who has died for you to make a way for your forgiveness, freedom and redemption, so that He can spend eternity with you and you with Him, basking in His joy and love. No man will EVER love you as much as Christ does, though a true Christian man can love you like He does and seek to honor God by honoring you.
So please ladies, if you are stuck in the cycle I was in, I pray you repent. Trust me, going about relationships the way Hollywood tells you to simply doesn’t work. You’re only going to keep wounding and scarring your heart. Let Jesus heal you like He healed me. The only thing you’ll regret is not having done so sooner.