Ladies, single and married alike: during prayer this morning God reminded me of something very important. We desire men to be chivalrous, but we must allow them to be.
I’m a strong-willed, determined, tell-it-like-it-is, lioness of a woman. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing. God made me this way, HOWEVER, as a woman, there’s other attributes He gave as well that the more I grow in Him, the more they flourish.
For example, before I surrendered my heart and life to Jesus on February 22nd, 2009, I hated dresses and colorful clothes so I stuck to black mostly and didn’t want to be girley. I liked playing video games with guys, cussing like a sailor, and having guys as best friends. But after I surrendered to Jesus, without any self-enforced effort, I began to transform from the inside out. Without realizing, I started dressing more colorfully and girley. I began liking dresses and just became brighter. I didn’t even cuss anymore! The words just disappeared from my vocabulary. I didn’t like the darkness I had liked before. The sacred femininity that God designed women with, that which makes us different from men and beautiful, began to flourish.
But remember my lioness spirit? I open the door for myself. If I ask Jon to do something (who is a much more laid back and patient person than I am) if he doesn’t do it immediately, I’ll do it for him. What does this do? This disallows him
to be chivalrous. This takes away part of the way God designed him: to be needed by a woman, to be a hero for a woman.
Many women—if not all—deep in their hearts, desire to be swept up by the strong arms of a loving man who can protect them, rescue them from the dungeon, and slay the dragon. Why else do we take pleasure when our men get jealous if another man shows interest in us? We like being desired and protected by a manly figure. I think this is also why even in most lesbian and gay couples there is one person that is more masculine than the other and one more feminine. Because God designed us to be in that kind of relationship: a masculine (male) and feminine (female) one. There’s two distinct personalities, traits, and roles that promote a mutual needing and offspring. Hence: And the LORD God said, “ It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.” (Genesis 2:18)
All this to say, ladies, if you want men to treat you chivalrously, step back and let them be! Stop opening the door for yourself, stop asking a man to help you but then doing it yourself. I’m not saying you do this for everything and just become some queen diva, but let him provide, let him carry heavy things, let him take the lead. But do this quietly, meaning, don’t command him, “Hey, open that door for me!” Just quietly stand there and smile, waiting patiently. Trust me, he’ll get it. And he’ll like it too! Your man wants a lady, not a man. That’s why he is with you. I’ll leave you with this:
“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” (Ephesians 5:22-33 NKJV)