I recently watched a video from a sister I believe was well-intentioned. She was offering advice to single women on how to “manifest their godly man,” i.e., their future husbands. Her advice included things you could do and certain types of “energy” you can put out there to “attract” a godly man.
There’s several things wrong with her advice. For one, energy is super new age and it’s arbitrary and I think she’s definitely misusing the term by trying to fit it into a biblical context. It’s not about energy, it’s about God’s will and your obedience. Period. I’ll expound on that in a moment.
She mentioned how being the most confident woman in the room can attract your godly man, and how you want a man with “swag.” Here’s what she didn’t realize she actually did: she created a straw-man of what a godly guy is. She put all of God’s sons into a box that fit HER type and is trying to use what worked for HER in getting HER man for YOU and YOUR future man. But not every man exudes “swag” which, in my opinion, can be anything from cockiness, to worldliness, to being fashionable, or metro-sexual.
Not every man of God has “swag” and not every woman of God likes “swag.” Some women of God like farmer-types, or biker-types, or geeky-types, which, even types shouldn’t matter as much as his godly character should.
Not every man is attracted to super confident, out there, loud or whatever she means by “the most confident woman in the room.” Some men are drawn to quiet, mysterious women. Some men are attracted to a woman who doesn’t even realize how beautiful she is. Some men like the Ruths who are sweaty and dirty, serving the Lord out on the ministry field. You don’t have to do X,Y,Z methods, or change your personality and appearance to attract a godly husband.
“Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing,
But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.”-Proverbs 31:30
I have met married women who are so humble, so gentle, and certainly don’t come across as “the most confident woman in the room,” and their husbands ADORE them.
So if you are not supremely confident, or extroverted, don’t beat yourself up or think you’re doing the wrong things and that’s why no man has noticed you.
What if you haven’t received a godly husband yet because you haven’t attained “godliness with contentment?” Or haven’t been faithful with the little God has given you, so He is waiting until your faithful to give you more (a husband and a family)? Or what if God prefers you to be single?
At the end of the day, the most important thing is just being content in Christ alone–your Spiritual Husband–before receiving an earthly husband. Because if you aren’t content with Christ, what makes you think you’ll be content with an imperfect, broken son of His?
My advice: learn to be content and thankful. Don’t covet what you don’t have, but be grateful for all that you do have. Be open to God’s will and whether He wants you to be married or not, always remember:
“Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.”-Romans 12:2