Sisters, if you plan on getting married someday and even if you don’t, you should NOT have a male best friend.
I just edited a wedding where one of the bride’s three speech-givers was a single man who apparently was her best friend since he was nineteen. They’re in their thirties now.
It was quite uncomfortable watching the groom feign comfort while bestie gave a speech that sounded like something out of a rom-com–a rom-com where the life-long best friend actually doesn’t end up with the girl. It was pretty awkward witnessing bestie tear up and say he knows what it means to wait for a love like she found because he waited for a love, err, a best friend–aka her–for nineteen years. And he wasn’t gay.
Sisters, the bible records God saying in the beginning: “it is not good for man to be alone, I will make a helper suitable for him.” And then God brings the woman to the man and they get married.
They aren’t two heterosexuals who share a pleasant, platonic, intimate friendship for years and then go marry someone else and continue to maintain their intimate relationship with one another. That’s almost like three people becoming one. Take it back to the bride I mentioned earlier. When she and hubby get into fights, you don’t think the enemy can tempt her with her single, guy best friend? How many adulterous relationships begin with a friendship that then becomes more and more intimate over time?
When we are hurt and vulnerable, those emotions can easily be used against our marriage when we are sharing them with a man, and not just any man, but one we trust and feel comfortable and safe with, let alone one we deem a best friend. That is the perfect foundation for an affair.
Call me old school or archaic in mindset, but we human beings, especially we emotional women, are imperfect and suceptible to sin. We are not immune to temptation, and there is wisdom in the bible verses that tell us to flee youthful lusts and run from temptation. It also says God will give us an escape from tempting situations.
But if you allow yourself to become best friends with a man, you aren’t escaping temptation, you’re entertaining it and giving the enemy one more weapon to use against you in your current or future marriage.
Your spouse should be the only opposite-sex best friend you have. He should be the only earthly man you run to for a listening ear and comfort (besides your dad). And if you don’t have a dad or dad figure, then come to Christ all the more with your pain and concerns. Don’t seek a male best friend. You already have one in Christ and you should save that intimate closeness for your husband.
You know how many guy best friends I had in high school who really liked me? Sure, I didn’t like them, but there were times I considered giving them a try and a few I even kissed. This is not to say you can’t have guy friends period. You can have guy friends, but this is about having a best friend and having a special set-apart intimacy with a man who isn’t your husband. I have good guy friends myself. This is more about guarding your heart and being mindful of others’ hearts as well, not walking in dread of relationships with the opposite sex, but practicing wisdom in those relationships.
So guard your heart. There is something engrained in our design that longs for intimacy with the opposite sex: it’s why even many women have homosexual men as best friends. We desire male companionship, to be close to a man because God intended to use that as one of the things that draw us to marriage.
We want life-long friendship with someone of the opposite sex, to be side-by-side and help one another, and that naturally develops into more and more until we enjoy all of each other via what the world calls “sex” and what God calls “knowing.”
This oneness is only designed to be enjoyed in the context of marriage because it is a profound picture of a most intimate spiritual truth: when we deny ourselves, turn from our sin, and trust Christ, He puts His Spirit within us and becomes one with us, as He is one with God the Father. Then we know Him in the most intimate way we can experience on this earth until heaven because He lives in us and remains with us forever and teaches us and guides us and reveals Himself to us as we grow in our relationship with Him.
Such close friendship between a man and woman is a beautiful thing, but don’t share it until you are engaged to the man God has confirmed He desires to be yours.