You Should NOT Have a Guy Best Friend

Sisters, if you plan on getting married someday and even if you don’t, you should NOT have a male best friend.

I just edited a wedding where one of the bride’s three speech-givers was a single man who apparently was her best friend since he was nineteen. They’re in their thirties now.

It was quite uncomfortable watching the groom feign comfort while bestie gave a speech that sounded like something out of a rom-com–a rom-com where the life-long best friend actually doesn’t end up with the girl. It was pretty awkward witnessing bestie tear up and say he knows what it means to wait for a love like she found because he waited for a love, err, a best friend–aka her–for nineteen years. And he wasn’t gay.

Sisters, the bible records God saying in the beginning: “it is not good for man to be alone, I will make a helper suitable for him.” And then God brings the woman to the man and they get married. 

They aren’t two heterosexuals who share a pleasant, platonic, intimate friendship for years and then go marry someone else and continue to maintain their intimate relationship with one another. That’s almost like three people becoming one. Take it back to the bride I mentioned earlier. When she and hubby get into fights, you don’t think the enemy can tempt her with her single, guy best friend? How many adulterous relationships begin with a friendship that then becomes more and more intimate over time?

When we are hurt and vulnerable, those emotions can easily be used against our marriage when we are sharing them with a man, and not just any man, but one we trust and feel comfortable and safe with, let alone one we deem a best friend. That is the perfect foundation for an affair.

Call me old school or archaic in mindset, but we human beings, especially we emotional women, are imperfect and suceptible to sin. We are not immune to temptation, and there is wisdom in the bible verses that tell us to flee youthful lusts and run from temptation. It also says God will give us an escape from tempting situations

But if you allow yourself to become best friends with a man, you aren’t escaping temptation, you’re entertaining it and giving the enemy one more weapon to use against you in your current or future marriage.

Your spouse should be the only opposite-sex best friend you have. He should be the only earthly man you run to for a listening ear and comfort (besides your dad). And if you don’t have a dad or dad figure, then come to Christ all the more with your pain and concerns. Don’t seek a male best friend. You already have one in Christ and you should save that intimate closeness for your husband.

You know how many guy best friends I had in high school who really liked me? Sure, I didn’t like them, but there were times I considered giving them a try and a few I even kissed. This is not to say you can’t have guy friends period. You can have guy friends, but this is about having a best friend and having a special set-apart intimacy with a man who isn’t your husband. I have good guy friends myself. This is more about guarding your heart and being mindful of others’ hearts as well, not walking in dread of relationships with the opposite sex, but practicing wisdom in those relationships.

So guard your heart. There is something engrained in our design that longs for intimacy with the opposite sex: it’s why even many women have homosexual men as best friends. We desire male companionship, to be close to a man because God intended to use that as one of the things that draw us to marriage.

We want life-long friendship with someone of the opposite sex, to be side-by-side and help one another, and that naturally develops into more and more until we enjoy all of each other via what the world calls “sex” and what God calls “knowing.”

This oneness is only designed to be enjoyed in the context of marriage because it is a profound picture of a most intimate spiritual truth: when we deny ourselves, turn from our sin, and trust Christ, He puts His Spirit within us and becomes one with us, as He is one with God the Father. Then we know Him in the most intimate way we can experience on this earth until heaven because He lives in us and remains with us forever and teaches us and guides us and reveals Himself to us as we grow in our relationship with Him.

Such close friendship between a man and woman is a beautiful thing, but don’t share it until you are engaged to the man God has confirmed He desires to be yours.

Why You’re Not “Manifesting Your Godly Man”

I recently watched a video from a sister I believe was well-intentioned. She was offering advice to single women on how to “manifest their godly man,” i.e., their future husbands. Her advice included things you could do and certain types of “energy” you can put out there to “attract” a godly man.

There’s several things wrong with her advice. For one, energy is super new age and it’s arbitrary and I think she’s definitely misusing the term by trying to fit it into a biblical context. It’s not about energy, it’s about God’s will and your obedience. Period. I’ll expound on that in a moment.

She mentioned how being the most confident woman in the room can attract your godly man, and how you want a man with “swag.” Here’s what she didn’t realize she actually did: she created a straw-man of what a godly guy is. She put all of God’s sons into a box that fit HER type and is trying to use what worked for HER in getting HER man for YOU and YOUR future man. But not every man exudes “swag” which, in my opinion, can be anything from cockiness,  to worldliness, to being fashionable, or metro-sexual.

Not every man of God has “swag” and not every woman of God likes “swag.” Some women of God like farmer-types, or biker-types, or geeky-types, which, even types shouldn’t matter as much as his godly character should.

Not every man is attracted to super confident, out there, loud or whatever she means by “the most confident woman in the room.” Some men are drawn to quiet, mysterious women. Some men are attracted to a woman who doesn’t even realize how beautiful she is. Some men like the Ruths who are sweaty and dirty, serving the Lord out on the ministry field. You don’t have to do X,Y,Z methods, or change your personality and appearance to attract a godly husband.

Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing,
But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.”-Proverbs 31:30

I have met married women who are so humble, so gentle, and certainly don’t come across as “the most confident woman in the room,” and their husbands ADORE them.

So if you are not supremely confident, or extroverted, don’t beat yourself up or think you’re doing the wrong things and that’s why no man has noticed you.

What if you haven’t received a godly husband yet because you haven’t attained “godliness with contentment?” Or haven’t been faithful with the little God has given you, so He is waiting until you’re faithful to give you more (a husband and a family)? Or what if God prefers you to be single?

At the end of the day, the most important thing is just being content in Christ alone–your Spiritual Husband–before receiving an earthly husband. Because if you aren’t content with Christ, what makes you think you’ll be content with an imperfect, broken son of His?

My advice: learn to be content and thankful. Don’t covet what you don’t have, but be grateful for all that you do have. Be open to God’s will and whether He wants you to be married or not, always remember:

“Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.”-Romans 12:2

Men, PURSUE HER! – Video

I LOVE this man. No, I don’t know him personally, but ladiessssss, he just killed this point (in a good way): “We keep telling the Christian women to wait and not telling the Christian men to pursue! If you plan to lead in marriage, lead in the pursuit!”

Trust me sisters, this is a worthy watch! He has some GREAT advice! Hopefully, the men watch this, too.

Did you watch it? Tell me what you thought of his advice in a comment. 

Christian: Why You May Be Misbehaving

It hit me yesterday: my flesh is acting out because my spirit is starving.
You are what you feed…spiritually speaking.
I’m still a pretty new mom–sixteen months in. Before Arrow was born, I would spend over an hour with God daily; worshipping Him, praying, reading the Word. But after Arrow was born, that all changed. And now that he’s a wild toddler, forget about it. I never get alone-time with God while my son is awake–and that was a problem–a huge problem.
See, we can’t be like Jesus if we’re not spending time with Jesus. Sure, there’s so much God has changed in my life and so many things I’ve overcome and so many ways I’ve grown, but I’m not finished yet. This work of art still has much more work to be done.

Remember the story in the bible when Martha and her sister, Mary were hosting Jesus as their guest? Martha was, “distracted with much serving,” while Mary, “sat at Jesus’ feet and heard His word.”

Martha was focused on getting tasks done for Jesus while Mary was focused on spending time with Him. And when Martha complained about Mary’s lack of help, Jesus said:

“Martha, Martha, you are worried and troubled about many things. But one thing is needed, and Mary has chosen that good part, which will not be taken away from her.”-‭‭Luke‬ ‭10:41-42‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

I have been Martha for the past sixteen months: task-focused, serving my family, and hardly spending intimate time with Jesus. And my lack of intimacy with Him was oozing out of me in bad ways.

As of last night I realized that because I’m a mom now, I must be super intentional and strategic with my me-and-Jesus-only time. I also need to be as purposeful with other ways I can get into His presence even in the midst of washing dishes and cleaning up after Arrow.

My son still doesn’t nap much on his own–35 minutes tops and then he wants to sleep for another two hours on me or my husband. This will end before he’s two, but for now, I have to use even this time to focus on God.

I woke up at 5am today and spent time with Jesus. And my goodness, I feel so much more revived and Spirit-filled. My actions and attitudes are also reflecting it. For now, this is what I have to do if I want to function like the child of God I am and spend time with my Beloved. So far, so good.

How about you? How has a different season caused your alone-time with God to change? Are you in a similar boat, and also have to make sacrifices and decisions in order to guard alone-time with Jesus? If you haven’t yet, why not? Life is too short to waste. Get back on track with God today!

Much love, fam!

What Single Sisters Should Learn From Ruth Part 2

You can read part one of this study here.

In further studying the book of Ruth, something astounding about her going after Boaz for a husband was revealed:
7.) Ruth didn’t marry Boaz just for her own happiness and well-being, but for others’ as well.

Ruth didn’t marry Boaz for a selfish reason. She didn’t marry him just because he made her happy. Ruth knew Boaz would be a major blessing for her mother-in-law, Naomi, as well, since he was one of her relatives, aka a family redeemer, someone who could buy back the land Naomi had lost.

Ruth was a treasure, a prime catch; she was beautiful both inside and out, yet she chose to marry a significantly older man rather than going after younger, “hotter” men. Had she chose to do the latter, her mother-in-law would’ve been abandoned to live in poverty with none to care for her.

Ruth wasn’t thinking about herself alone in her decision to marry Boaz, but instead, knew her marriage to him would be a ministry and blessing to someone else.

Too often we enter into engagement and marriage solely because the person makes us happy. We aren’t thinking about how our marriage can bless others and be a ministry. Happiness is certainly a by-product of a godly marriage, but it shouldn’t be the sole motivating factor as to why we do it. God is much bigger and much more generous than that. Which leads to the final lesson I want to share with you ladies:

8.) Ruth and Boaz’s marriage pointed people to God.

And all the people who were at the gate, and the elders, said, “ We are witnesses. The LORD make the woman who is coming to your house like Rachel and Leah, the two who built the house of Israel; and may you prosper in Ephrathah and be famous in Bethlehem. May your house be like the house of Perez, whom Tamar bore to Judah, because of the offspring which the LORD will give you from this young woman.” So Boaz took Ruth and she became his wife; and when he went in to her, the LORD gave her conception, and she bore a son. Then the women said to Naomi, “Blessed be the LORD, who has not left you this day without a close relative; and may his name be famous in Israel! And may he be to you a restorer of life and a nourisher of your old age; for your daughter-in-law, who loves you, who is better to you than seven sons, has borne him.”-Ruth‬ ‭4:11-15‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

Both the noble men of the city and the women saw God in Ruth and Boaz’s relationship and were very encouraged by it. They knew the union of this godly couple was special. And indeed, their marriage bore the grandfather of King David and from their lineage, Jesus the Messiah came forth.
Their union was a blessing, a ministry, and a beacon of Christ’s light to not only their community, but to the many generations that would follow.

For us Christians, it is the same. The weight of the legacy we leave behind will be according to our doing. We reap what we sow. If our marriage was ultimately about advancing the gospel and enlarging Christ’s kingdom, the legacy we leave will be great and will effect even the generations after us.

I don’t know about you, but I want my marriage to be a powerful force that echoes on long after I’m gone and resounds into eternity where I will see and meet the lives that are in heaven because of it. And I pray the same becomes true for you.
With love,
Natasha

What Single Sisters Should Learn From Ruth – Part 1

The iconic biblical relationship of Ruth and Boaz is one most single Christian women hope for. But this story—like all the other history recorded in the bible—isn’t just there to give us hope, but to teach us valuable lessons, especially on romantic relationships.

1.) Ruth chose God over a husband.

“And she said, “Look, your sister-in-law has gone back to her people and to her gods; return after your sister-in-law.” But Ruth said: “Entreat me not to leave you, Or to turn back from following after you; For wherever you go, I will go; And wherever you lodge, I will lodge; Your people shall be my people, And your God, my God.”-Ruth‬ ‭1:15-16‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

The primary and most important thing to note if you desire to marry a godly man someday is to put that desire behind you, and put Christ in front of you.

As a young and beautiful widow (her name means friend, companion, and “vision of beauty”), Ruth could’ve chose to go back to her country and her “gods” and get remarried. But she didn’t. She chose to remain with the Lord and His people, leaving behind her old life, and moving forward to a new land where God’s people lived.

If you really want a godly husband, recognize and embrace the fact that you already have one, Jesus, and that you will walk onward with Him no matter what you receive or don’t receive. If you can’t be faithful to Him, don’t expect to be faithful to a husband.

2.) Ruth desired and made sure she was discipled by a godly woman.

“But Ruth said: “Entreat me not to leave you, Or to turn back from following after you; For wherever you go, I will go; And wherever you lodge, I will lodge; Your people shall be my people, And your God, my God. Where you die, I will die, And there will I be buried. The LORD do so to me, and more also, If anything but death parts you and me.”-Ruth‬ ‭1:16-17‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

Discipleship is crucial in our walk with Christ. When we allow godly examples to pour into us, we become more godly, and then we’re more equipped to handle marriage and whatever else God entrusts us with. We have to have a heart devoted to growing closer and more like our Savior. If we don’t desire and pursue godliness, we are setting ourselves up for disaster in marriage.

3.) Ruth worked hard.

So Ruth the Moabitess said to Naomi, “Please let me go to the field, and glean heads of grain after him in whose sight I may find favor.”-‭‭Ruth‬ ‭2:2‬ ‭‬‬

Ruth wasn’t lazy. She worked all day in the fields with willing hands. She didn’t do it bitterly, she did it from love to help bring food home for her and her widowed mother-in-law. Be hard at work wherever God has placed you, whether that be in full-time ministry or at your job. You never know, your Boaz may be close by, which leads to the next lesson:

4.) Boaz made the first move.

Then Boaz said to Ruth, “You will listen, my daughter, will you not? Do not go to glean in another field, nor go from here, but stay close by my young women. Let your eyes be on the field which they reap, and go after them. Have I not commanded the young men not to touch you? And when you are thirsty, go to the vessels and drink from what the young men have drawn.”-Ruth‬ ‭2:8-9‬ ‭

Before saying a word to Ruth, Boaz asked his men about her; he wanted to know what her reputation was like. Do you have a godly reputation, or a worldly one? Godliness attracts godliness. Her reputation drew a godly man closer; it caused him to take further interest. If a godly man asks about you and hears worldliness, he will more than likely back off.

So she fell on her face, bowed down to the ground, and said to him, “Why have I found favor in your eyes, that you should take notice of me, since I am a foreigner?” And Boaz answered and said to her, “It has been fully reported to me, all that you have done for your mother-in-law since the death of your husband, and how you have left your father and your mother and the land of your birth, and have come to a people whom you did not know before. The LORD repay your work, and a full reward be given you by the LORD God of Israel, under whose wings you have come for refuge.”-Ruth‬ ‭2:10-12‬ ‭‬‬

‭‭5.) Their first one-on-one time was out in the open with others, not alone behind closed doors—and again, Boaz gave the invitation. 

Now Boaz said to her at mealtime, “Come here, and eat of the bread, and dip your piece of bread in the vinegar.” So she sat beside the reapers, and he passed parched grain to her; and she ate and was satisfied, and kept some back.-Ruth‬ ‭2:14‬ ‭

The world is all about one-on-one alone time. That’s pretty tempting, and almost always leads to sin. Boaz respected Ruth and got to know her better openly, rather than privately. He wasn’t harboring lustful motives.

Back then, God’s people didn’t date like the world dates now. Godly people had accountably, and there is no godly reason why we should discontinue following this pattern. When we do, we often fall into sexual sin. You can choose never to date like the world does, and still end up engaged and married.

6.) When you’re ready, God makes things happen swiftly.

Ruth started gleaning on Boaz’s field at the beginning of the barley harvest. Barley is the fastest crop to harvest. She worked until the end of the harvest which could’ve been as swiftly as a month. When God deems you ready to inherit His blessing in marriage, you won’t have to court for years.

The world is all about “waiting” (though they’re really not waiting for anything, except to seriously commit), whereas those in a godly relationship don’t have to wait that long if Christ has already matured them to a place of being a suitable spouse.

Satan would love two godly Christians to spend time fearing and falling into sin, rather than being confident in their courtship and not wasting a lot of time so as not to fall into sexual sin.

Single sisters, my prayer is that you won’t read the bible as if it were just another book, but really study it, understanding what it really is: the inspired word of God, preserved for those who would inherit salvation, to equip and prepare us for eternity with Christ. In it we will find all the truths and lessons we need in order to live our lives as a living, pleasing, sacrifice to God in every area, especially relationships.
There’s more lessons, but I’ll continue sharing them in another post.

Much love to you,

Natasha

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Letter To My Hero Husband

Jonathan Derek Sapienza, strong, beautiful weapon of righteousness. You remind me of Phoenix from Bryan Davis’s Reapers novels, with your devotion to godly principles, but of course, you are better because you’re also a son of God.
I want you to know I truly mean every word I’m writing. You really do weather me, you keep me balanced, you always hold me back from jumping off a cliff. You are truly my pillar, a strong foundation upon which I stand, and when I’m running in the wrong direction, you capture me and pull me back to safety.

I am speaking about one of your greatest gifts: discernment and wisdom. Proverbs says much about wisdom: it protects, it guides, it opens doors, it brings favor, and most importantly, it is the chief of all principles. After love, everything flows from wisdom. “The fear of The Lord is the beginning of wisdom.” You certainly have the fear of the Lord, and I am an eyewitness of your ever-expanding wisdom.

This wisdom has grounded me, has kept me so many times from making foolish decisions and hurting myself. After being married to you, and experiencing just how much your godly wisdom and discernment has protected me, I see now that Adam’s wisdom and discernment was given to Him by God to protect Eve. Like all women, her emotions drove her. Her emotions, though a beautiful gift, were also her greatest vulnerability, and they began dragging her toward an extremely dangerous situation. This was when her husband was supposed to be her hero and rescue her. He had the wisdom and discernment to know that what was happening between her and satan was wrong, but he did not intervene.

I am so blessed, Jonathan, so grateful to be able to say that you, my precious husband, have always intervened. There were times in my stubbornness and passion that I did not listen and submit to your loving wisdom, and I suffered the consequences. But you, my faithful companion and hero, have always been there to lift me in your arms, carry me home, and nurse my wounds. You never shame me or scorn me for my foolishness and stubbornness. You are tender and graceful toward me and I absolutely treasure you, dear prince.

Though I’ve gotten wiser from more time with our Lord and from watching your example, there are still moments that I fail to submit to your caring guidance, but since Christ continues to flourish in your godly heart, you have only become more graceful and patient with me. This beautiful reflection of our kind Savior and Lord leaves me breathless.

I recall pastor John reading Ephesians to us as we stood at the altar:

““Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church.” (‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭5:25-29‬)

O, precious beloved of mine, in our marriage, you have never—ever—asked me or enticed me to sin. You ensure what we watch is not sexually enticing or perverse or wicked; you gently help guard my heart, my mind, my eyes and my ears, as you likewise do for yourself. I watch you; your pure heart is clearly displayed in your loving actions. Christ’s purity in you is clearly manifested, shining off you, son of God.

If I could choose to go back in time and marry any of the godly men I know now, I would always choose you. You are a man after God’s own heart; a man of strong morale, granite character, and gentle strength. You are not a forceful wind, you are a gentle, guiding and refreshing breeze. You are a warrior prince with the breastplate of righteousness, a soldier who carries the sword, but is careful, patient, and wise in how and when you wield it. I am a warrior princess who practically never has her sword sheathed, and often swings too soon. You gently place your hand upon mine and lower my sword. You guide it back to the sheath and gently train my hands for God’s war of rescuing souls from our enemy’s clutches.

Too often, I allow the busyness of life to consume me, and I do not ponder and meditate on the amazingly wonderful gift I have been given. As so many words poured forth from my heart, I was taken aback by just how blessed I am.

My leader, my knight, may God so bless me and Arrow with many more years under the shelter of your loving guidance. I love you with all of my heart.