This 32-year-old single sister blessed my heart with this email

God is amazing. He’s our Husband, our everything. I love getting emails like these. While reading this I totally felt compelled to share and then her final words confirmed that I should. I pray this encourages you single sisters. Love you!

Hi Natasha,


I just wanted to update you. Thank you so much for your advice not to compromise! I appreciate you so much as my sister in Christ!  First, I’d like to say congratulations on having a beautiful son! I’m sure you and your husband’s hearts are filled with joy seeing his little face everyday! I was reading your blog today and just felt compelled to update you: so here goes.

 I contacted you awhile back…not sure if you remember. I was seeing a man and didn’t feel good about spending time alone at his house. I had been seeing him since December. I did end up going to his home alone…I totally compromised and felt terrible. We cuddled but never kissed or touched or had sex but I still felt he wanted me to be too emotionally involved. He wanted us to be close like we were already married but minus sex. I was still seeking God about him but the peace never came. On top of that, Godly friends in my life kept telling me they had no peace (without me even asking)!  I was looking to my own understanding. He had so many great qualities, he was pursuing Christ and we got along and all those things…basically all the boxes on the check list. But in my spirit it just never seemed completely right.

When I tried to pull back and guard my heart he said I was being a bad girlfriend. I began to lust so badly for him over something that seemed so innocent, like going to his house sitting together and watching TV alone. I ignored the Holy Spirit because my boyfriend convinced me I was “doing too much.” He began to mock me for my desire to not kiss or allow any hint of sexual immorality into our relationship. The Holy Spirit kept telling me not go over his house. I wouldn’t listen because I thought was being too religious and paranoid.

Eventually my heart started to become hardened and I was defensive toward God. I didn’t want to obey…and I didn’t. But I thank God for his grace. I finally listened. I knew I had to talk to my boyfriend further about it. We talked, he said I was “doing too much.” I asked him to pray about it and he flat out refused to do that. Instead, he said the cure for lust was not to follow boundaries but to just get married ASAP. Things progressed so fast, I started seeing him December 2014 and he wanted to get married by the end of this year. I don’t think that time frame was completely unreasonable but I felt no peace about marrying him. 

So things came to a head about a month ago. We were talking about marriage plans. We went ring shopping and I literally felt nauseous. I had no excitement, just fear and dread because of my lack of peace. I realized it had to be God tugging at me. I pulled away from my boyfriend and went on a fast. During that time the Holy Spirit made it so clear I should wait. He also showed me I wanted to marry him more out of fear rather than faith that he was God’s choice for me. I was too afraid to trust God’s timing because of my age and my desire for children (I’m 32).

But after a lot of crying and praying :)… I told him I had to listen to God and wait. He said it was all in my head and I didn’t really hear from God. He wanted to move forward and get married right away. Long story short, we broke up. I couldn’t move forward without peace from the Holy Spirit;I have to trust the Holy Spirit over my own understanding.  

Since then, it’s been hard but God has lead me to face my fear of being 32 and single. I don’t know what will happen but I know I’m doing what God told me to do and the peace in my heart is priceless. I’m choosing to cling to Jesus like never before and my faith is growing in ways I couldn’t have ever imagined! It’s like he is literally strengthening daily… I’m humbled. God is showing me how to stop looking at myself and focus more and more on Jesus and sharing the gospel to this lost and hurting world. 

Thank you for taking the time to read this super long email. If anyone is ready to settle and disobey God out of fear please feel free to share any part of my story to anyone who needs to hear it to. Have a great week and be blessed!

I Like A Guy Who’s In A Relationship

I charge you, O daughters of Jerusalem, By the gazelles or by the does of the field, Do not stir up nor awaken love Until it pleases. (‭Song of Solomon‬ ‭2‬:‭7‬ NKJV


Note: She’s speaking to women.

I’ve known several sisters who have done exactly what this verse warns against. There’s a brother in Christ who catches their eye, they start crushing, but the guy never really pursues them. Some of these brothers were in relationships and eventually married the girls they were with, but until that day, these sisters were convinced that the brother was truly meant for them, and the girlfriend was a counterfeit. Whether she really was or not didn’t change their reality: the brother was not pursing them, and in the end, he never did. 
It is crucial to your faith to refrain from opening up your heart to a man before the right time. If he’s in a relationship, it isn’t the right time. If he’s not pursing you, it isn’t the right time. 

Sometimes, a sister thinks the guy is into her because he shows her attention. What I’ve found is that, often, girlfriends are good at being girlfriends, but not as friends. What I mean is, she’s faithful, committed, esteeming the man, being romantic, etc. but she’s not being a friend who just hangs out and has fun with him. So the man is seeking female friendship in a girl other than his girlfriend. He’s immature, she’s immature, and they haven’t yet realized friendship is lacking in their relationship. But that’s when the single sister thinks the guy likes her, when really, he just enjoys her friendship and is using her for the sake of his fun and enjoyment. He doesn’t want to be more than friends; he already has a girlfriend fulfilling that area of his life. 

The reality check is you are an attention quencher, a fun-filler, but you’re nothing more in his eyes. If you were, he would make himself available, be open about his motives, and pursue you. 

I understand this truth can hurt. This is why I exhort my precious sisters to not share deep friendships with a man. Keep it superficial and distant. When you get married, that deep friendship will have to get snipped anyway. Why do I say this? Because with women, adultery usually begins with emotional connection. A man is listening to her feelings when her husband isn’t. A man is making time for her when her husband isn’t. This quickly spirals into a physical relationship and now you are more than mere friends. 

You don’t want to be a home-wrecker either. What if that brother comes onto you while still in a relationship? What if he then leaves her for you? Do you think God will bless that ignoble way of entering a relationship? And if you were able to steal his affection, what makes you think another woman like you can’t come around later on and do the same thing, stealing him from you? 

You don’t want a man that is so easily swayed. You want a committed one. And that’s the irony of so many women who go after the married man because they find his commitment sexy. Guess what? He’s no longer a noble and committed man once he’s sinned with you! And neither is the unmarried man in a relationship. So BACK OFF. God doesn’t write messed up The Bachelor/Bachelorette stories (hence why those relationships always quickly end in divorce!). 

If God wants you married, He’ll work it out, but you must do your part, which isn’t meddling with other people’s boyfriends or husbands. It’s being pure. That is the greatest preparation for a husband: purity. Your eyes and heart are not set on someone they shouldn’t be, they’re set on Jesus. And as you keep them on Him, Jesus will allow a godly single brother to see you. He will pray and pursue, and you can trust him to protect your purity, as you will his. And that is a relationship God will bless. Trust me, I know from experience. 

Love you sisters,

Natasha

Wife Confessions: Subtle Revenge

In marriage, you don’t always get what you want. Can you believe it? I happened to experience this two days ago.

I really wanted something, and Sir Jonathan was planning on giving it to me, but preventable things got in the way.

This upset me.

I felt like I wasn’t being prioritized. I didn’t consider it at the time, but I was being selfish.

I shared my heart with my sweet hubby, he apologized, and I felt better. Besides, eventually I’d get what I wanted.

The following day, Jonathan wanted something now. But just as my desire had to wait, I was quick to put his on hold, and although my excuse was an honest and even honorable one, the way I said it had the slightest flair of revenge, and I felt a twinge of satisfaction from it.

It didn’t take long for the Holy Spirit to convict me. Again, I was being selfish. I confessed to Jonathan the hint of revenge, to which he—as usual—gracefully and immediately forgave me.

But the Spirit was still working. I offered hubby what he wanted, but then brought up my desire as well. To my dismay, something else threatened to get in the way—again!

Then the thought hit me: this must be a test from God.

What I desired wasn’t anything evil. In fact, it was according to God’s will, something He desires. But how would I react to not getting what I wanted when I wanted it? I decided I would give Jonathan what he wanted, whether or not I got what I wanted.

And guess what happened? The thing that was threatening to put off my desire, didn’t happen. And hubby and I both got what we wanted.

Finances, children, disagreements; these aren’t what cause divorce. Sin does. It’s when we let our selfishness control us, rather than the Holy Spirit, that we destroy our marriage. Nothing else is to blame.

But when simply obey Him we call Master, denying ourselves and putting others’ needs before our own, God is pleased and we are blessed.

As always, God proved His word is true.

Repay no one evil for evil. Have regard for good things in the sight of all men. If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men. Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord. Therefore “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; If he is thirsty, give him a drink; For in so doing you will heap coals of fire on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. (‭Romans‬ ‭12‬:‭17-21‬ NKJV)

For You, O LORD, will bless the righteous; With favor You will surround him as with a shield. (‭Psalms‬ ‭5‬:‭12‬ NKJV)

Single Sister: If You Want To Get Married Someday, Read This First

Being a married woman has never been more draining.

I only have one five-week old; I can’t imagine having twins or a newborn and a toddler. But boy, is this child giving me a greater understanding of God’s will and goodness.

Babies are needy! Really needy; all the nursing (growth-spurts make baby even more insanely demanding), burping, diaper changing, face-to-face time, tummy time, and holding, not to mention bathing and nail-clipping. Then you can’t forget about your primary human relationship: your marriage; cooking, talking, dating, being intimate. And what about the house? You’ve gotta take care of that too. And I don’t know about you, but in our home, it’s way too easy for the dishes to pile up, and the dining table to get cluttered, and our bedroom to become messy. Pre-baby, it was easy to keep up. Post-baby, it takes hours to finally finish the dishes unless hubby tackles them. I have to do them in intervals because our son, Arrow, will need nursing or changing or holding.

Oh, and there’s another thing that needs tending: you! You have to bathe, brush your teeth, and do your hair some time!

And most importantly, you have to spend time with God and do whatever He’s called you to do—and maintain fellowship with the Church.

Being a wife and mother is no walk in the park. And contrary to popular belief, you come last. But that goes for any Christ follower:

And whoever of you desires to be first shall be slave of all. For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many.” (‭Mark‬ ‭10‬:‭44-45‬ NKJV)

Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others. (‭Philippians‬ ‭2‬:‭3-4‬)

Still wanna get married and have babies, sis?

Don’t misunderstand, I’m very content with God’s call on my life. I love my husband and our son, but I was content beforehand too. And I know marriage isn’t about me; it’s about glorifying God first, helping my husband second, and lastly, enjoying the fruit of my union.

Too many single sisters buy the worldly lie that marriage is about you; making yourself happy and gratifying your desires for attention and affection. Many of these women come to hate their marriage because it wasn’t what they expected.

God isn’t shallow or selfish, so He expects His children not to be either. He will test your heart as a wife and mother. Because as a single sister, you aren’t in a 24/7 servant-relationship. You have the freedom to choose who to serve, on your own time, and usually with the help of the church. But in a marriage, you’re on your own. The church can encourage and teach you, but they cannot step in and be a wife and mother for you. No one’s allowed to sleep with your husband but you, and you are responsible for raising your kids in the way they should go. That’s at least two more souls you have to serve 24/7 whether you’d like to or not.

Being a wife and mother takes sacrifice to a new level. Your mind and heart have to toss out the Hollywood romance lies and be ready to embrace the truth of bearing the weight of marriage and motherhood.

Single sisters only see the joy. They don’t see the struggle, or feel the back pain and weariness, or the emotional toil. When you’re one with someone, you’ve got double the struggles because their battles are now yours too. You’ve got double the responsibility because their calling is now yours to support. And then you have double the physical strain because you must sustain another human’s life and teach them how to do it. And how about if your husband or child falls? There is no human on earth you’ll ever love more than your husband and your children so imagine the emotional battles you’ll have to endure if either of them struggle for a time or sin against you?

This is not meant to discourage you, but to exhort you to wake up from whatever fantasy you’ve painted marriage and motherhood to be and instead be sober-minded in how much it costs to take on those roles.

Still want to get married?

God Wants Women To Be Stay-At-Home Wives And Mothers Because …

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In the same way, older women are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers, not addicted to much wine. They are to teach what is good, so they may encourage the young women to love their husbands and to love their children, to be self-controlled, pure, homemakers, kind, and submissive to their husbands, so that God’s message will not be slandered. (‭Titus‬ ‭2‬:‭3-5‬ HCSB)

I believe the Word of God is inspired. Here, Paul lists several standards for women:

Older women are to be:

1.) reverent [holy] in behavior

2.) Not slanderers

3.) Not addicted to much wine

Older women are also to teach younger women to:

1.) a) Love their husbands, b) love their children

2.) Be self-controlled

3.) Be pure

4.) Be homemakers

5.) Be kind

6.) Be submissive to their husbands

This is what God desires for younger women. It’s simple really. I know in our current American society, there’s a stigma toward stay-at-home moms. I just officially became one last month. I had me and Sir Jonathan’s first child on February 19th, and I totally get why God would desire wives with children to be watchers of the home, workers at home.

Being a mom is overwhelming lots of times, and is really hard work. It is energy-draining, attention-demanding, needing your devotion 24/7. Add on a husband to also care for and love, and a home to keep decent, and you’ve got your hands completely full. So instead of worrying about bringing in the bread, wives/mothers are to concern themselves with their roles, because they’re entrusted with lots.

Some would say going out there and taking on the brutal corporate world is true bravery, but I’d say choosing to be a stay-at-home wife and mother takes an immensely greater amount of not just courage, but love.

My baby boy is only one month old, but I reckon as he grows older, he’s still going to need me just as much—but in different ways; I’ll have to teach him all the good I know.

There was a time when parents had the most influence on a child. But now, the media, celebrities, and peers play a much greater role in influencing your child—unless you step in. This is where stay-at-home moms become superheroes. They’re able to protect their precious baby from so much the working mom can’t.

The public school system exposed me to many things I’m deeply disturbed by in retrospect. In third-grade I was taught how to “booty dance” by one of my friend’s older sisters. I learned how to do these extremely provocative moves such as going on all fours and shaking my bottom, grinding against a little boy while having one leg up, joining hands with a friend and wiggling our bottoms as fast as they could go. I got into a few fist fights. I had my first French-kiss in fourth-grade, and in sixth-grade I picked it up again—heavily. While in the outside lunch area that year, a boy I knew walked past me and caressed my vagina. Having our butts be grabbed and slapped by boys we liked became a huge middle-school fad. One of my best friends in sixth-grade lost her virginity on my bed. By seventh-grade, me and my friends were giving lap-dances, and another girl I called best friend pressured me to try marijuana. That year, while alone in a school hallway, an eighth-grader shoved me against a wall and quickly molested me. Also that year, I found myself unintentionally alone with a boy I really liked at his apartment and he tried to rape me. Bisexuality and homosexuality were introduced in eighth-grade I believe, if not earlier. There’s more, but I think you get the point. All of this began sixteen years ago. I’m sure we can agree that now things have only gotten exponentially worse.

A stay-at-home wife and mother is able to be the main influencer of her child. Like the mother of King Lemuel, who wrote Proverbs 31, we can teach our sons and daughters the right path and when they’re old, they won’t stray from it. It takes all of us—every drop of love and commitment we can muster—to be a full-time wife and mother, but it’s what God wills and He knows best. Do you trust that?

New Mom Confessions: I Need To Remember I’m Still A Wife

I confess: being a new mom can definitely be overwhelming at times. Ok, it’s overwhelming 90% of the time, and this is coming from someone who had a lot of help the first week and a half, and is only now, coming into week three, starting to cook again. I also happen to be married to a wonderful man of God who really served me. The first two weeks, sir Jonathan became a professional butler. While I was glued to my bed or the rocking chair, he was making me breakfast, getting me water, just running back and forth at my numerous beck and calls.

Now here I am: our precious Arrow is three weeks old today, and after my husband told me how my dad encouraged him (grandpa was saying how gifted he was with film and to really pursue it), just hearing the joy in Jonathan’s voice, it hit me:

You’re still a wife.

With all the breastfeeding on demand, picking up baby when he wants to be held, and cleaning dirty diapeys, our son is my number one time consumer. I know he needs me this much, but I can’t forget that my husband needs me to. Even if it’s just a word of encouragement, I can’t forget to care for my marriage. I like to refer to relationships as gardens. If you lovingly tend to your relationship with God, your spouse, your children, it will flourish and become beautiful. If you neglect it, it will wither and eventually die.

If you’re a new mom like me and married, don’t forget your husband. He’s not an adorable, helpless little person that fits perfectly in your arms, but he does need your encouragement and your attention. Flirt with him, give him a genuine compliment, thank him for working hard. Men love to be appreciated, we all do actually. And when you’re feeling overwhelmed, just start to thank God for all that is good in your life; for your precious baby and your wonderful husband.

I’m still only three weeks in, I don’t know what challenges await in the future, but I do know this is just a season. And our baby is already growing rapidly. I need to seize this time and treasure every bit of it, because one day I won’t be able to hold my Arrow. But I also need to tend to the garden of my marriage and make sure no weeds or thorns spring up.

God created us for this. We can be a great wife and mother at the same time. So let’s do it!

God’s peace and grace to you,

Natasha

How To Encourage Your Man To Be Chivalrous

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Ladies, single and married alike: during prayer this morning God reminded me of something very important. We desire men to be chivalrous, but we must allow them to be.

I’m a strong-willed, determined, tell-it-like-it-is, lioness of a woman. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing. God made me this way, HOWEVER, as a woman, there’s other attributes He gave as well that the more I grow in Him, the more they flourish.

For example, before I surrendered my heart and life to Jesus on February 22nd, 2009, I hated dresses and colorful clothes so I stuck to black mostly and didn’t want to be girley. I liked playing video games with guys, cussing like a sailor, and having guys as best friends. But after I surrendered to Jesus, without any self-enforced effort, I began to transform from the inside out. Without realizing, I started dressing more colorfully and girley. I began liking dresses and just became brighter. I didn’t even cuss anymore! The words just disappeared from my vocabulary. I didn’t like the darkness I had liked before. The sacred femininity that God designed women with, that which makes us different from men and beautiful, began to flourish.

But remember my lioness spirit? I open the door for myself. If I ask Jon to do something (who is a much more laid back and patient person than I am) if he doesn’t do it immediately, I’ll do it for him. What does this do? This disallows him
to be chivalrous. This takes away part of the way God designed him: to be needed by a woman, to be a hero for a woman.

Many women—if not all—deep in their hearts, desire to be swept up by the strong arms of a loving man who can protect them, rescue them from the dungeon, and slay the dragon. Why else do we take pleasure when our men get jealous if another man shows interest in us? We like being desired and protected by a manly figure. I think this is also why even in most lesbian and gay couples there is one person that is more masculine than the other and one more feminine. Because God designed us to be in that kind of relationship: a masculine (male) and feminine (female) one. There’s two distinct personalities, traits, and roles that promote a mutual needing and offspring. Hence: And the LORD God said, “ It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.” (‭Genesis‬ ‭2‬:‭18‬)

All this to say, ladies, if you want men to treat you chivalrously, step back and let them be! Stop opening the door for yourself, stop asking a man to help you but then doing it yourself. I’m not saying you do this for everything and just become some queen diva, but let him provide, let him carry heavy things, let him take the lead. But do this quietly, meaning, don’t command him, “Hey, open that door for me!” Just quietly stand there and smile, waiting patiently. Trust me, he’ll get it. And he’ll like it too! Your man wants a lady, not a man. That’s why he is with you. I’ll leave you with this:

“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” (‭Ephesians‬ ‭5‬:‭22-33‬ NKJV)