Why Do All My Relationships Fail?

demetrius-washington-1596242-unsplash

Wanting to be wanted. I’ve been there. I used to dress sexy. Ironically, I was trying to reel in “the one” but all I was reeling in were sharks, toads, and wolves. Little did I know, my outer appearance displayed a very different message to the men crossing my path. I remember once I was in the mall and a group of men started yelling about my behind. Though I had specifically chosen to wear those skin-tight jeans because I thought they made my bottom look bigger, I got so angry at their attention. I cussed and yelled at them, but really, I had spurred them on with my attire. How I was dressed sent the message: treat me like I’m an object for your pleasure, rather than a woman who is worthy of respect.

Now my heart breaks when I see women doing the same thing I used to do, hoping they’ll find love someday. I’m sure like I experienced, they keep getting let down. They’re going about finding a man in all the wrong ways yet wondering why it never works out.

Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. (Proverbs 31:30)

I remember really liking this young man when I was in high school. During an online conversation, based on my sexy profile pics, he felt comfortable enough to tell me he had masturbated to my photos. I was quite disgusted. Here I was thinking he could become a long-term boyfriend, yet he was already thinking about having sex with me because of my photos. He wasn’t thinking long term at all.

I had another boyfriend who was also pretty honest. This guy knew I was a virgin and didn’t want to be intimate, and so he told me he’d try really hard to wait. He waited two weeks and then dumped me.

As you can imagine, I was pretty discouraged about my vicious relationship cycle: frog after frog. No guy could love me like I loved them. I remember looking in the bathroom mirror and saying, “I’m never going to get married. I’m just meant to be single the rest of my life.”

A year or so later I gave my heart to the Perfect Man: Jesus. He not only healed my broken heart, but I suddenly had hope again that I would someday marry. I just knew that I would one day, and that until then, I would wait. It wasn’t but two weeks later that I met Jonathan, the man who is now my husband. He feared God and loved Him. The first four months of our relationship, we didn’t know how to protect ourselves from temptation, and stumbled more than once. We’d always cry and feel terrible, do good for a while, then mess up again. But God knew we didn’t want that for our relationship. We knew it was wrong and desperately wanted to please God.

During that time, God persisted in trying to tell me about courtship, but I kept forgetting. After going on a mission trip, everything changed. God put a pastor in my life who would eventually become a mentor to Jon and I, and the Lord had a Christian sister give me a book on courtship. We now had the wisdom on how to stay pure until marriage, and by God’s grace and Holy Spirit, we overcame. I’m very blessed and beyond thankful to say that although I wasn’t completely untouched until marriage, I was a virgin until my wedding night.

I know not everyone reading this is a virgin, but do not believe the lie that you are now damaged goods. When you repent, Christ sees you as a new creation, His pure daughter who He indeed wants/commands his son to wait for until marriage. God wants to protect your purity, to guard your heart until the right time. He doesn’t condemn premarital sex and all other forms of sexual activity outside of marriage between one man and one woman for no good reason. He does it because He loves us and knows what’s best for us. If you think you know better than God, that’s some serious pride, and God resists the prideful but gives grace to the humble. If you agree with God’s word, which says fornicators won’t receive the kingdom, and you desire to obey Him because you know He is worthy of your devotion and love because of all that He’s done for you, He will lovingly guide and teach you how to please Him.

I pray you surrender to the only Man who has died for you to make a way for your forgiveness, freedom and redemption, so that He can spend eternity with you and you with Him, basking in His joy and love. No man will EVER love you as much as Christ does, though a true Christian man can love you like He does and seek to honor God by honoring you.

So please ladies, if you are stuck in the cycle I was in, I pray you repent. Trust me, going about relationships the way Hollywood tells you to simply doesn’t work. You’re only going to keep wounding and scarring your heart. Let Jesus heal you like He healed me. The only thing you’ll regret is not having done so sooner.

How To Become Complete In Christ’s Love

But whoever keeps [Christ’s] word, truly in him the love of God is perfected. This is how we know we are in Him: The one who says he remains in Him should walk just as He walked. (‭1 John‬ ‭2‬:‭5-6‬)

The love of God can be perfected in us, and it needs to be. Jesus warned that near the end, “the hearts of many will grow cold.” He also said, “The world will know you are My disciples by the way you love one another.”

Love is the greatest witness of Christ. It doesn’t matter how much you tithe, or attend church service, or evangelize; without love, you’re not really effecting anyone or pleasing Yahweh.

Paul said, “the love of Christ compels me.” This is what sets apart the true Christian from the false one. All these “Christian” cults get incentives for preaching; heavenly rewards or even works-based salvation. They don’t go preaching because they truly love the lost and want them to know Christ. But when we allow Christ’s love to consume us, our witness is powerful. We look into the eyes of precious souls and they see and even sense the love of Jesus. They may not convert on the spot because it’s the Holy Spirit’s job to do the converting, but they’ve been touched by God.

In the beginning of my walk with Jesus, I was so ablaze with passionate love. I didn’t care what people thought; I just wanted them to know the incredible love I was daily experiencing. Yes, many thought I was a little crazy, but then they themselves ended up coming to Christ.

Many Christians are shy about sharing their faith. They want boldness, but they can’t muster it. Makes sense: boldness cannot be created from nothing. Boldness and passion are by-products of love. When you just pursue Jesus, wake up and praise Him for all He’s done, get into His Word, pray to Him, be intimate with Him, just draw close to Him, your love grows. And that love will compel you to share Christ with others.

When I first started following Christ, I would pray that He’d help me fall more in love with Him. He honored that prayer! I myself need to start praying that again, for a greater understanding of His love so that I may always be complete in Him and a powerful witness.

Ladies, if you are in a relationship or married, remember how much you pursued spending time with and getting to know that man? You made time to be with him and even put your friends and family on hold so you can just hang with this guy. I know I did that with Jonathan. We saw each other five to six times a week I would say and hang out for hours. Then, when we weren’t together, we were always talking on the phone or texting.

We need to do that same kind of intimate pursuit with Jesus. Then we will really grow in our love for Him and we won’t lack a thing. We will be so content, so filled with joy, people will think we’re crazy, but they won’t be able to deny the love. So what are we waiting for? Let’s start passionately pursuing Christ today.

Praying for you,

Natasha

God’s Will For Women Hasn’t Changed For Us Living In The Millenium

For thousands and thousands of years God’s commands for His daughters have remained the same: help your husband, be submissive to him, love him and your children, and take care of your home. But for the past century—if that— we’ve been steadily redefining a woman’s role in the church and in society. Many professing Christian women cringe at the thought of, “just being a wife and mother,” though many desire to walk in those roles, and others think they want both plus career.

The excuse I often hear is, “Well we live in a different culture and time.” But since when did Yahweh ever tell His people to conform to the culture? Were not His laws to the Jews so utterly counter-cultural and His commands always to be separate from everyone around them?

For we are the sanctuary of the living God, as God said: I will dwell among them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they will be My people. Therefore, come out from among them and be separate, says the Lord; do not touch any unclean thing, and I will welcome you. I will be a Father to you, and you will be sons and daughters to Me, says the Lord Almighty. (‭2 Corinthians‬ ‭6‬:‭16-18‬ HCSB)

I have given them Your word. The world hated them because they are not of the world, as I am not of the world. I am not praying that You take them out of the world but that You protect them from the evil one. They are not of the world, as I am not of the world. (‭John‬ ‭17‬:‭14-16‬)

“If the world hates you, understand that it hated Me before it hated you. If you were of the world, the world would love you as its own. However, because you are not of the world, but I have chosen you out of it, the world hates you.” (John‬ ‭15‬:‭18-19‬)

Adulteresses! Don’t you know that friendship with the world is hostility toward God? So whoever wants to be the world’s friend becomes God’s enemy. Or do you think it’s without reason the Scripture says that the Spirit who lives in us yearns jealously? But He gives greater grace. Therefore He says: God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble. Therefore, submit to God. But resist the Devil, and he will flee from you. Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, sinners, and purify your hearts, double-minded people! (‭James‬ ‭4‬:‭4-8‬)

Let’s linger on the James passage. Notice how he says submit to God, but resist the devil. The Apostle John affirms:

We know that we are of God, and the whole world is under the sway of the evil one. (‭1 John‬ ‭5‬:‭19‬)

Catch that? The entire world—that means everyone who is not a Christian—is under Satan’s influence, and we are commanded to resist him. But how many of us daughters of the King are allowing ourselves to be influenced by the feminist movement which is now completely under Satan’s control? It began with Christian women desiring a few rights, but now has branched off to its own secular movement and its ideas are not biblical.

So again I ask, for what, 6000 years or so, through many diverse cultures, God has had the same commands for women, but now suddenly He has a different plan for us living in today’s age? He wants us to be go-getters, climbing career ladders and using birth control instead of getting married and raising children?

How dangerous to say God’s Word was for then but now His ideas have changed with the culture. Did not Christ Himself say:

For I assure you: Until heaven and earth pass away, not the smallest letter or one stroke of a letter will pass from the law until all things are accomplished. Therefore, whoever breaks one of the least of these commands and teaches people to do so will be called least in the kingdom of heaven. But whoever practices and teaches these commands will be called great in the kingdom of heaven. (‭Matthew‬ ‭5‬:‭18-19‬)

Pure and undefiled religion before our God and Father is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself unstained by the world. (‭James‬ ‭1‬:‭27‬)

God’s Word is consistent and unchanging. He is not influenced by fads. He has clear plans, purposes and functions for women from the first woman to you and I today.

What are you saying, Natasha? That I should be a home-body until I get a husband?

No. Do the work of the Lord, not the world until God does place you before your future husband. I’m not saying getting a job to help your single mother or struggling parents is satanic. I’m saying seeking to make a name for yourself just because you want to prove you’re independent is. Remember, satan is all about self: self-help, self-esteem, self-success, “controlling one’s destiny,” self, self, self. Christ is all about walking in dependance of the Father, submitting to Him and letting Him lead.

We must examine our hearts. Do we desire what Yahweh has clearly shown He desires, or do we desire what the world tells us we should desire?

If you aren’t a wife yet, don’t worry about it. You’re Christ’s bride; serve Him. If you are married, but struggling with desiring career (not the same as ministry) or feel insignificant being “just a wife and mom,” check your heart. In fact, check God’s heart on His will for wives. Do a study through the bible on wives and see what you find.

May Christ convict and heal anyone reading this right now who needs it.

Praying for you sisters daily,

Natasha

Christians Don’t Have A Right To Be Offended

Earlier this morning I sent a few sisters a Scripture from the Holman Christian Standard Bible:

Abundant peace belongs to those who love Your instruction; nothing makes them stumble. (‭Psalms‬ ‭119‬:‭165‬)

Later on, I decided to read from this devotional I’ve had for years, but never finished, and just started reading again a few days ago. And wouldn’t you know, Psalms 119:165 is today’s verse, but in the King James Version:

Great peace have they which love thy law: and nothing shall offend them. (‭Psalms‬ ‭119‬:‭165‬ KJV)

The author of the devotional writes about how much better we take it if a friend or stranger criticizes us, but if our husbands mention any slight imperfection, or wound us, or try to iron-sharpen-iron us we get very hurt and offended. Then she says this profound little nugget of truth:

We who have been forgiven by a holy God have no right to be offended. The only “right” we have is to share the grace God has given us with others. Where grace enters, peace abounds.-To Love And To Cherish

I thought that was a great application for us to give grace to our husbands, but also to anyone who offends us. I didn’t contemplate that when we are offended, it’s actually our pride.

“How dare you. Who do you think you are?” More like, “Who do I think I am?”

I’ve been guilty of getting offended, but I never stopped and considered, “I’m upset not just because of her words, but because of my own pride.”

As Christians, we don’t have a right to be offended.

Love is patient, love is kind. Love does not envy, is not boastful, is not conceited, does not act improperly, is not selfish, is not provoked, and does not keep a record of wrongs. (1 Corinthians‬ ‭13‬:‭4-5‬ HCSB)

Jesus commands us to love our enemies and bless those who curse us. Nowhere does Jesus give us a concession to be bitter against another soul. In fact, if we hate someone, we are called murderers, and as the Apostle John wrote, no murderer has eternal life in his heart.

I read a book called Murder By Family, a true story of how the oldest son of a family plotted their murder. Both the mother and younger brother lost their lives, but the father (and obviously the oldest brother) lived. The father said as he was laying on the hospital bed, the Holy Spirit told him to forgive the murderer and he did. His son wasn’t the one who pulled the trigger, but he helped the killer (his college friend), get into the home and both were put on death row. The father had every right to be hurt and upset, but he wasn’t allowed to commit murder in his heart against his wife and son’s killers. Yahweh dealt with both of them, and it wasn’t the father’s job or place to render vengeance.

I know vengeance is an extremely popular theme in films nowadays, but Christ doesn’t condone His children avenging themselves. He is our Avenger. All those who have rejected Him and practice evil will be judged. No one is getting away with anything—unless they have accepted Yahweh’s plan of forgiveness and surrendered to Christ.

Let’s not forget that at one point, we also were enemies of Christ:

And you were dead in your trespasses and sins in which you previously walked according to the ways of this world, according to the ruler who exercises authority over the lower heavens, the spirit now working in the disobedient. We too all previously lived among them in our fleshly desires, carrying out the inclinations of our flesh and thoughts, and we were by nature children under wrath as the others were also. But God, who is rich in mercy, because of His great love that He had for us, made us alive with the Messiah even though we were dead in trespasses. You are saved by grace! (‭Ephesians‬ ‭2‬:‭1-5‬ HCSB)

So just as we didn’t deserve Yahweh’s grace, yet He granted it to us anyway, we must likewise give grace to our enemies and those who offend us.

Why do you think Christ said, “If anyone wants to follow Me he must pick up his cross, deny Himself and follow Me.” We as Christians deny our old ways of operating; we crucify them and walk in the new way of life, the way Christ commands us to. Out of love for Him, we obey His words. He alone is worthy of anything good, and deserves our complete devotion for all that He willingly suffered and gave up so that we can be forgiven, freed, redeemed and saved.

Let go, love, and let Christ be your Avenger.

Is It Okay To Have Pre-marital Sex If I’m A Christian?

I received a heart-breaking email today that really upset the Holy Spirit within me. A sister was being told by her boyfriend it was okay to have premarital sex. He tried to tell her God condoned premarital sex in Numbers 31 when He told the Jews to take the virgin women. Her boyfriend completely assumed on Scripture and added to it, because nowhere did God tell the Jews to sleep with the women. Here’s what I found when looking into the passage:

“The Bible does address the issue of rape. As expected, when the Bible mentions the crime of rape, it is depicted as a gross violation of God’s design for the treatment of the human body (Genesis 34). The Bible condemns rape whenever it is mentioned. For example, there is a particular passage in the laws given to the nation of Israel before entering the Promised Land under Joshua’s leadership. This passage (Deuteronomy 22:13-29) spoke directly against forcing a woman into a sexual encounter against her will, or what we know today as rape. This command was meant to protect women and to protect the nation of Israel from committing sinful actions.

Deuteronomy 22:25-27 mentioned the punishment the Mosaic Law commanded for a man who raped a woman. The man was to be killed by stoning while the woman was considered innocent. Though the Mosaic Law was for the nation of Israel during the time of Moses, the principle is clear that rape was sinful in the eyes of God and led to the most extreme punishment possible—death for the rapist.

There are some difficult passages in the Old Testament, however, in relation to this issue. Critics of the Bible are quick to point to Numbers 31 (and other similar passages) in which the Israelites were allowed to take female captives from nations they conquered. Critics make the accusation that this is an example of the Bible condoning, or even promoting, rape. However, the passage says nothing about raping the captive women. It is wrong to assume that the captive women were to be raped. Again, Deuteronomy 22:25-27 condemns rape, even advocating the death penalty for perpetrators of rape. In the Numbers 31 passage the soldiers were commanded to purify themselves and their captives (verse 19). Rape would have violated this command (see Leviticus 15:16-18). The women who were taken captive are never referred to as sexual objects. Did the captive women likely eventually marry amongst the Israelites? Yes. Is there any indication that rape or sex slavery was forced upon the women? Absolutely not.”

read more here.

And here is further insight from my pastor:

“For this to make any sense we have to consider several factors: Gods ways are higher than ours. To qualify how this relates to the context of this particular passage (and their are others like it) we have to attempt to see and understand as God does. Humanity was very young. The medianites were full of diseases and very very evil. Beastiality, homosexuality, child rape, canabalisim, body mutilations, and human sacrifice just to name a few of their cultural practices. God is omniscient, as such He alone knows what the future would have looked like had this wickedness not been removed early on. It’s also important to note that not all Medianites were that evil only certain sectarian tribes turned so demonic they actually preyed on each other this group was one of them. One example is the fact that Mose’s wife was actually a Cushan Medianite, of a peaceful tribe. God had no beef with them. It’s actually like the genocide that took place in Uganda (all blacks but tribal differences) although it’s hard to grasp it was not murder but sentencing that was being carried out by the Israelites. We have to remember Gods plan for Israel was for the judgment and leading of the gentile nations in the righteousness of God but instead of leading in God’s ways they became seduced themselves. I digress…the reason the virgins and only the virgins were to be spared is because they were likely being kept virgins by the Medianites for human sacrifice. They were actually being rescued. To assume they would be abused, raped or mistreated is ridiculous considering the strict and new Levitical laws that were being zealously followed by the people of Israel. I’m sure those poor girls were quite relieved when they were taken out of the hell they were living in. It’s likely all others even children not set apart for sacrifice were depraved and possessed. Just look at what kids are doing to each other today because of porn. Imagine a culture where kids were being used for sex as early as 3 years old??? God ordering their termination was an act of mercy for the sake of humanity at large. It’s also worth noting that God never ordered the destruction of tribes for just not believing in Him but rather only when they violated the inner laws of the human heart so violently they became base and demonic. Termination of the demonic influences is the only solution as it will be again in the near future. God gives time for repentance but when that was up it was up to the judges (Israel) to do as He commanded.”

With all that said, it is clear sexual immorality was and is never condoned by our Holy God.

This was Paul’s commentary in 1 Corinthians 8 of the Jews Moses led out of Egypt:

“… all were baptized into Moses in the cloud and in the sea, and all drank the same spiritual drink. For they drank of that spiritual Rock that followed them, and that Rock was Christ. But with most of them God was not well pleased, for their bodies were scattered in the wilderness. Now these things became our examples, to the intent that we should not lust after evil things as they also lusted. And do not become idolaters as were some of them. As it is written, “The people sat down to eat and drink, and rose up to play.” Nor let us commit sexual immorality, as some of them did, and in one day twenty-three thousand fell; nor let us tempt Christ, as some of them also tempted, and were destroyed by serpents…” (I Corinthians‬ ‭10‬:‭2, 4-9‬ NKJV)

And let’s not forget all of these warnings:

“Finally then, brethren, we urge and exhort in the Lord Jesus that you should abound more and more, just as you received from us how you ought to walk and to please God; for you know what commandments we gave you through the Lord Jesus. For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality; that each of you should know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, not in passion of lust, like the Gentiles who do not know God; that no one should take advantage of and defraud his brother in this matter, because the Lord is the avenger of all such, as we also forewarned you and testified. For God did not call us to uncleanness, but in holiness. Therefore he who rejects this does not reject man, but God, who has also given us His Holy Spirit.” (‭I Thessalonians‬ ‭4‬:‭1-8‬ NKJV)

“Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God.” (‭I Corinthians‬ ‭6‬:‭9-10‬ NKJV)

“Now concerning the things of which you wrote to me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband…but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.” (‭I Corinthians‬ ‭7‬:‭1-2, 9‬ NKJV)

“Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s.” (‭I Corinthians‬ ‭6‬:‭18-20‬ NKJV)

Precious sisters, please do not allow yourself to be taken advantage of by a man who is adding to Scripture, which the bible says this of: “For I testify to everyone who hears the words of the prophecy of this book: If anyone adds to these things, God will add to him the plagues that are written in this book.” (‭Revelation‬ ‭22‬:‭18‬ NKJV)

Those who practice sexual immorality without repenting will indeed go to hell. God is an avenger of all such. If you truly have the Holy Spirit, exercise self control! “Flee youthful lusts” as the bible commands. Fear God, sisters! Break away from this practice and sanctify yourself while you still have breath by God’s grace.

Praying for you,

Natasha

Are You Ready For Your Heavenly Husband?

Precious sisters, daughters of the King, royalty in the spiritual realm, heirs of all Christ died to give you, no matter what you are going through, do not fret. Be anxious for nothing, fear nothing. Let this mindset be in you: earth is not your home, heaven is.

One day you won’t have to worry about what you’ll eat or wear, where you’ll go to school, or what career to pursue. You won’t desire a husband, you won’t ever feel sadness, loneliness or physical pain. Never again will you shed a single tear.

Rejoice in hope. No matter what you are going through, as an adopted child of the Father, you never need to be discouraged. Tomorrow may be your last day and you’ll be free from every concern and hurt. Live like you’re going to heaven tonight. The reality is, you will see Christ, your husband, your savior, your redeemer, one day. Don’t get caught up in the troubles or lusts of this life. Prepare yourself as a bride does for her groom, for none of us know when we will face Him.

Live for eternity, not for now. Hold loosely the things of this world, but cling to Jesus, the only One you really need. Stay steadfast. Strengthen whatever has become weak. Return to the love you had at first.

The days are short. May every sister following this blog—myself included—hear those words, “Well done good and faithful servant, enter into your rest.”

The love and grace of Christ be multiplied to you,

Natasha