Dear Ex, I Never Really Loved You

Worldly “love” comes natural. It’s that Eros “love.” It’s erotic, sensual, and highly appeals to the flesh and the emotions. I’ve fallen in this kind of “love” with several guys. And the more physically and emotionally intimate I was with the guy, the more “in love” I thought I was.

No no. I didn’t think I was in love. I was convinced I was in love. But praise Jesus, His Spirit taught me what real love looks like.

See, the Eros love is how people who don’t truly know Christ love. They do not have His Spirit within them, so they love in a purely human and unspiritual way. This love is broken, limited, and extremely harmful. This love is desperately selfish, even when it looks like it isn’t. This love craves what the other person has to give; their attention, their affection, their adoration, their body. This love stems from the heart that is consumed with Self. A heart that is concerned about its own happiness, not the other’s true well-being. And that is why it is dangerous. Because it is not pure love. It is earthly, sensual—dare I say—demonic.

The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?-Jeremiah 17:9

If before surrendering to Christ, the human heart is deceitful and desperately wicked how on earth can it deny its true nature and love another in a pure way? A godly way? The answer is simple: it can’t.

But when a heart is given to Christ and regenerated by the indwelling of His Holy Spirit, now this heart can love in the agape way. The unconditional, selfless, pure, sacrificial way.

Firstly, the regenerated heart is no longer seeking to please Self, but God. This new heart prompts the Christian to delve into the Scriptures and get to know God’s heart. This heart is powerful because the Holy Spirit now lives within it and causes it to be like and obey God.

Before I surrendered my heart to Christ on February 22nd, 2009, I truly thought I loved my ex more than anyone. I believed that because I felt such intense burning desire for him, thought about him often, and wanted to see him all the time, I loved him.

This wasn’t love. I was like a human leech, sucking whatever I could out of my ex because it pleased MY flesh. It made ME feel good. I was addicted to him, not in love with him, because like a drug, he gave my flesh a good high.

But after giving my heart to Jesus, things changed. I’ve been married for almost four years (September 10th <3), and hubby and I don’t fight anymore. I mention this first because in so many worldly relationships fights are natural and usually often. Outbursts of wrath is a fruit of the flesh. You get upset because in that moment, your boyfriend isn’t making YOU happy. Your Self acts out because it’s currently not getting a good high.

But with hubby, now of there’s ever any tension, one of us lovingly submits, and the one who was thinking selfishly at the moment quickly repents and there is immediate peace, which is a fruit of the Holy Spirit. I give in to him, he gives in to me, and without a fight. We just lovingly give ourselves and this evades conflict. It’s not all about what I want to do and it’s not all about what Jonathan wants to do. We understand one another and are 99% of the time, gentle toward each other, which is another fruit of the Holy Spirit.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law. (‭Galatians‬ ‭5‬:‭22-23‬ NKJV)

When two people have the Holy Spirit, and are letting Him lead, this is the outcome. Real love doesn’t have moments of feeling good, it is good. Sacrifice isn’t this painful, horrible notion that is never even conceived of. Sacrifice is given freely because we seek the well-being and benefit of the other—not ourself.

It’s extremely tragic when Christians are in worldly relationships. It begs the question: do you really have the Holy Spirit in you, because the fruits of your relationship are fleshly. They look just like the world, except maybe they attend a weekly service or two together.

My prayer is that Christians in a worldly relationship will repent. It will certainly hurt their selfish flesh, because the relationship can be so pleasing to it at times, but in the long run, they’ll spare not only their souls from judgement (because being in sinful and hurtful relationships isn’t pleasing to God), but will be free to experience true love, agape love. And when you begin loving someone in a Christ-like way, and he or she loves you likewise, you’ll understand what you’ve been missing all this time.

Is Modesty the Best Policy?

There’s a new phenomenon in American fashion: super-duper, bottom-of-butt-cheek short-shorts and midriff-exposing shirts. To many of us ladies, it’s all just cute. We walk around like baby unicorns rather than the enticing mares we are. We are, after all, women, not little girls. (Click to Tweet)

However, I’m preachin’ to the Christian woman.

Girl, I first of all commend you for professing Christ in a time where it is beyond taboo to do so. There’s so much mockery and disrespect out their toward Jesus and His children. It takes guts to claim Him as Lord so again, for that, I commend you, sister. Keep it up, for He who confesses Christ before others, Christ will likewise confess before His Heavenly Father on the day you face them (Matthew 10:32-33).

Remember how deeply Jesus loves you and how patient He is with you. But He’s patient because there’s something He’s waiting for: our sanctification. God doesn’t save us just so we can go to heaven as is. He saves us as is to give us access to heaven, but He also transforms us in the process. But it’s a relationship that goes both ways.

There’s things I’ve done to annoy my husband and displease him. And there’s things my husband has done to annoy and displease me. What looks like greater love: if I say, “Well suck it up and take the good with the bad.” Or instead, “I hear you, love, I’ll work on it because I want to make you happy.”

If Jesus says, “Immodesty displeases Me, but modesty makes Me happy,” what would your response be?

And Jesus DIED FOR YOU. He gave us everything so if He wants us to cover up some, will we die? Well, Jesus did command us to take up our cross, deny ourselves and follow Him (Matthew 16:24-26). And the Bible speaks of “crucifying our flesh.” (Galatians 5:24)

There will certainly be many times as a daughter of God where Heavenly Daddy will say, “Don’t do this, don’t do that. I want you to do this, I want you to do that,” and those commands will be hard; they will take some sacrifice–sacrificing our pride and our desires.

It’s preached incessantly by the world, “Do what makes YOU happy.” But as a daughter of God, as a Christian, we are commanded the opposite: deny yourself, crucify your selfish desires, don’t just look out for your own interests, but for the interests of others as well (Philippians 2:4); love even your enemies (Matthew 5:43-48).

Still wanna be a daughter of God?

Did I tell you JESUS DIED FOR YOU? If someone dies for you and will literally take you by the hand and pick you up whenever you fall, countlessly forgiving you and taking you back, and then lead you to heaven’s gates where He will love you for all eternity with a perfect love, is it really too much to ask to live a life that’s devoted to loving Him back?

“If You love Me, keep My commandments. And I will pray the Father, and He will give you another Helper, that He may abide with you forever—the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it neither sees Him nor knows Him; but you know Him, for He dwells with you and will be in you.(John 14:15-17)

Did ya catch that? Jesus tells us to obey His very difficult commandments, but then immediately after, He promises that He will give us a Helper to help us obey! And this Spirit will show us the truth and literally live inside of us so we can walk it out!

Ah, indeed, there is no God like our God. And that, my sweet sister, is why you should pursue modesty.

 

Know your worth,

Natasha ❤


Want more advice? Sign up to my email list and I’ll send you this free eBook:

Why I’ll Let a Man Open the Door For Me

It’s a sad day when a woman refuses to allow a man to open the door for her.

I enjoy being treated differently by men because I am different from them.

Holding the door open is an act of service, a nod of respect, and a show of honor. The woman who deems it offensive has insecurity issues: she’s insecure in her body, which happens to be female, so she recoils at a reminder of that fact, even a typically pleasant one. The man who is opening the door has no intentions of belittling her or bullying her; he considers it polite because it’s been an age-old gesture created to display just that: politeness. Why were men taught this? Because they were told that women should be recognized and honored for who they are.

A man opening the door for you is also saying, “Let me help you, not because you can’t yourself, but because I want the privilege of doing it for you.” Now God forbid a man helps a woman. I wonder how the feminist would act if she tried to help a man and he told her, “Don’t, I don’t need your help.” She’d cuss him out, toss a drink in his face or slam her hand across it.

A few decades ago, what our older—often wiser—generation deemed as polite, our younger—statistically more “mentally ill”—generation deems offensive and oppressive. “I am woman. Don’t dare open a door for me, that’s sexist and highly offensive. But you better cuss and talk dirty around me.”

It appears many women in my generation are blowing themselves up like balloons with this anti-man pride and racism, and it’s silly to say the least.

“She’s just like one of the guys.” Uh, no thanks. I’m not a man so I don’t want to be treated like one. (Click to Tweet)

Lost in the Pro-Choice Sea

Now let’s touch on abortion, lauded as the ultimate human right for a woman. “It’s my body! You men better not tell me what to do with it!”

Correction: it is not just your body; there’s a second body living within you that belongs to someone else.

Now how about that apartment you’re leasing or that house you got a loan from the bank for: Technically, that home isn’t yours, it’s the lessor’s or the bank’s. So if they decide you are an unwanted inconvenience, they should be able to enter “your” home with a metal clamp and tear off all of your limbs and then rip your head from your shoulders and throw your remains in the trash outside, or better yet, sell them and earn some profit. It should be their ultimate right and what if they began fighting passionately for it? Would you hope someone defends you, or would you agree and let them pursue the right to murder their tenants?

Ah women, we once prided ourselves in building up the very men who would work hard to make a living in order to support us and a family because we were worthy enough to sweat and labor for, and what we have to offer—children and a safe nurturing place to call home—were worth toiling for.

Now, we pride ourselves in lewdness and murdering the very children that we alone are special enough to create and sustain from within. Instead of building up that next generation, we want people to help pay for their annihilation.

That’s not what it inherently and naturally means to be a woman, for what thousands of years women innately knew about themselves and embraced. In fact, this new pride is completely opposing to what it means to be a woman.

I am a woman. I cannot change the fact that I was born into a body designed to create and sustain human life. I cannot deny the pain I felt when my body failed to produce that life and the fear that I would never be able to perform and enjoy that kind of miracle. I cannot help but help, to support, to encourage and teach those around me to fight for what’s right, both female and male. It’s engrained in my natural design and these roles I play are crucial. They are so infinitely important that no one would exist if my incredible female body didn’t do what it’s been doing for millenniums. It is because of this wonderful body that there is life on this earth.

So no, I will not deny who I am and fight to destroy my identity as a woman and destroy the next generation with it; to create less and less life. Ha, can you imagine if every woman decided to stop making children? Hello extinction.

Rather, I will enjoy when a man chooses to open the door for me because he sees me, he knows I’m different from him, and he honors my womanhood. I’ll smile at him and say, “Thank you.”


Want more advice? Sign up to my email list and I’ll send you this free eBook:

 

Me and Sir Jonathan’s TRUE supernatural love story is now on Wattpad!

I quickly tossed the bags in a bin by the counter as Chris did the same, and then turned to leave.

“Wait,” he said.

I halted, my heart beginning to pound, and then slowly faced him. He stepped forward, his deep, brown eyes rapt on me. And without any more warning, he took my face in his hands and pressed his supple lips against mine. My muscles tensed and I froze. Is this really happening right now? I closed my eyes, even though doing so felt like a crime. His kiss held much of the same weakening effect it had on me last time, but anxiety combated some of it. The fear of getting hurt again gripped me just as much as his kiss did.

After a very long moment he released me. “I really like you, Natasha…a lot.”

I blinked at him, my tongue still frozen. Thoughts fumbled around my mind in a drunken stupor despite having not drank. Did he just say-but how-I thought he-Heat filled my cheeks as I smiled. Maybe now isn’t the time to process Chris’s antics. He returned the gesture. But surprisingly, it wasn’t that pleased/amused smile. It was…different. It looked tender, genuine…


“You scared me,” I said.

“I’m sorry.” Dace slid his hands onto my hips and kissed me.

I caressed the back of his head, my heartbeat slowing as I pressed my body closer to his. His warm torso felt like stone. I pulled back and peered into his eyes.

“There’s something so mystical about you.” Dace stared with a passion that seared into the depths of me.

“Mystical? How so?”

“Just the way you move or don’t move. There’s a charm about you that I’ve never seen before.”
—-
The Phantom Lover, the Dark Angel, and the Dream Prince.

My name is Natasha, and this is my true, supernatural love story.

The way me and Jonathan came together is nothing short of supernatural. It sounds like a YA fiction novel so I decided why not write it in the style of one? It’s written in first-person point of view, and you’re experiencing my relationships as I experienced them. You get to be in my teenage head, and as if watching a Netflix show unfold, you’ll go on a journey from my first love at seventeen-years-old to meeting my true love at nineteen. But before you get to enjoy my happy ending, strap on your seatbelt, because I take you through the rollercoaster I experienced in the two relationships leading up to my last and present one.

Are you ready?

Start reading my ongoing, true, supernatural love story absolutely free on Wattpad now. 

Are You Making A Significant Impact?

So twice this past week I got insomnia. The second was the worst because I literally didn’t sleep at all. I pulled an all-nighter, just awake in bed, and finally I just gave up and went to the living room.

I think I’ve been looking too much at likes on Instagram; checking my goodreads page for my book to see if I got any new reviews and if people are liking it; checking my blog, seeing if people are liking any of my posts; checking my Wattpad to see how many reads my stories are getting and if anyone has voted for it, etc., etc., etc. That sleepless morning, the thought hit me in prayer that I’m believing I’m not significant or being useful for God if I am not doing this online thing or my books etc.

My mind and heart need renewal because what would I do without the internet? What did the godly women of old do? Submitted to their husbands, loved them and their children, and took care of their household. Period. Seriously. Wow.

I’ve bought the lie that if I’m not doing all the other things then I’m not making an impact for the kingdom; that being a faithful wife and mother is not enough.

After praying about it, God reminded me of the passage we named Arrow after, a passage I had forgotten…

“Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, The fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, So are the children of one’s youth. Happy is the man who has his quiver full of them; They shall not be ashamed, But shall speak with their enemies in the gate.”

Psalms 127:3-5 NKJV

Maybe that’s you: you believe that you must be this or that and do this or that to be significant and make an impact for the kingdom. But all you have to do is choose to love Jesus and others. It doesn’t matter what you did in the past, God removes your sins from you as far as the east is from the west. What matters now is what you choose to do today. That is why, “God’s tender mercies are new each morning.”

Every morning is another chance to walk in God’s will. And the beautiful thing is that it’s simple: Love. Choose to love.

And love takes sacrifice. Choose to deny yourself and love those around you. That is all God asks you to do. Love Him. And love others. He doesn’t ask or expect anything more than that; He doesn’t care about riches or how well you can speak or quote scripture. He only cares about if you are loving Him and others.

I don’t care how much you serve or what ministry you lead in. At the end of the day, if you just choose to love God by obeying His command to love others, firstly being your spouse and children if you have those, then God is pleased.

Loving Him and others is extremely significant to Him. In fact, it is the fulfillment of the whole law. Even if you didn’t know every rule God has ever given, if you love Him and others, the Scriptures say you’ve fulfilled the entire law.

I pray in Jesus’ name we come back to that simple truth. Yes, it can sound childlike and not super deep and mystical, but that’s just how God wanted it: He made His will so simple that yes, even a child can grasp it.

Love you.

-Natasha