So, I was reading some of this book called For Young Women Only and they were interviewing a number of guys to reveal their thoughts in regards to us ladies. One of the questions went like this,
“Imagine you’re in math class. A girl with a nice figure in shorts and a spaghetti strap top goes to the board to answer a question. She’s not showing off her body—she’s just wearing the usual clothes from A& F. What’s going on in your mind while she works out the problem?”
Here is what a few of, the author says to be decent guys, most of whom are already in a relationship, had to say:
“I hope she gets to work out all the problems on the board today.”
“I wonder what underwear she’s wearing.”
(Next guy, overhearing), “…or if she’s wearing underwear.”
“I’m thinking…is she a virgin?”
“If I’m not careful, I might start wondering what she looks like with none of those clothes on.”
“If I’m not real careful, my memory would instantly be replaying a porn clip my older brother showed me when I was thirteen.”
Reading this caused me to remember just how visual guys are. And it made me want to ask you, how do you want a man to look at you? What do you want him to think? Do you want him to stare at you like an object for his personal pleasure. fantasizing you naked, doing things to him, OR would you desire him to look at you and see the things that make you different and special, like you’re beautiful and someone he wants to respect? I believe, most, if not all of you reading this, truly want option two. You want a man that’s going to respect you and value you and treat you like a princess, not a stripper.
YET, why do so many of us walk around flaunting our stuff, screaming, “I’m trying to be sexy?” For instance: one day at my old job in a restaurant, there were these middle-aged women dressed provocatively (high heels and short-shorts, the other with major cleavage), taking sexy photos in the back of the restaurant at an empty table. I noticed one of them had a wedding ring on. It made me wonder: If she’s married, or engaged, why does she still feel the need to dress sexy when she goes out with her girlfriends and take provocative pictures? Shouldn’t that be for her husband’s eyes only?
In reflection, so many girls I know have uber-sexy Facebook photos, and I used to have sexy ones, too. But why? Do we want an array of guys, ones we deem attractive and ones we don’t, younger and older, to be gawking at our photos and viewing a porn-flick in their mind with us as the main character?
I remember a guy I thought was cute admitted to me over the phone once that he had masturbated to one of my photos. Mind you, I wasn’t naked or anything, yet, the picture had just enough sex-appeal to cause him to be able to picture me that way, and since I purposefully sought to be sexy in that photo, he felt bold enough to “speak nasty” with me because he presumed I wanted it. I was immediately turned off. I wanted attention, but not that kind.
I think that’s the issue with a lot of us: we just want attention, and the easiest way to get it is when we flaunt our goods. But I say, if each of us ladies have value beyond belief, why don’t we flaunt being ourselves, and get positive attention from guys instead?
There’s two kinds of ladies reading this: ones that know deep down they have value, and those who don’t. So I’d like to speak to the second group of women for a moment.
There’s many reasons why we women doubt our worth. I know more women than we assume have been sexually abused. If this is you, don’t let someone’s personal sin against you and God affect your view of your self-worth. That person’s evil has nothing to do with how valuable and capable of being loved you are. However, healing is a process, but here are some stepping stones:
FACT NUMBER ONE: You were worth enough to God to be created for the sole purpose of being loved and loving in return.
Ever wonder why, “It’s all about love?” Why undeniably every human being wants to be loved? It’s simply because that’s what we were made for.
So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. (Genesis 1:27)
The Bible says in 1 John that God is love. If God is love, and He created man in His own image, He created them with love, from love, and for love.
Then God blessed them, and God said to them, ‘Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it; have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over every living thing that moves on the earth.’
And God said, ‘See, I have given you every herb that yields seed which is on the face of all the earth, and every tree whose fruit yields seed; to you it shall be for food. Also, to every beast of the earth, to every bird of the air, and to everything that creeps on the earth, in which there is life, I have given every green herb for food’; and it was so. (Genesis 1:28-30)
After making the first man and woman, God gave them everything they would ever need. Notice, they did absolutely nothing to earn this. They just were alive, and hadn’t done anything good or bad yet, but since God loved them unconditionally, He was like, “Hey, I want to bless you and give you all this stuff because I’m so excited that I made you.” Quite similar to a mother and her newborn child. When the baby cries for food she doesn’t say, “Well, what are you going to do for me before I feed you?” She automatically feeds the child and loves it from even before birth because she made it (with a man’s help, but you get the point), knowing the baby won’t do anything “good” for her, but cry, poop, make messes and break stuff for a couple of years.
Then God saw everything that He had made, and indeed it was very good. (Genesis 1:31)
God looked at us humans and saw value. In His eyes, we weren’t just good, we were very good. In the original language the Bible was translated from, that term is “pleasant.” We were pleasing to Him. In another place, the Bible says God made us, “for His good pleasure.” Think about that: according to Christianity, the God of the entire universe made you to love, and it pleased Him to do so! He had no other reason but to be in a love-centered relationship with you. Notice how God faced them and spoke to them personally. Before He gave them everything else, He gave them Himself. They were able to see Him and be in His presence.
See, some people have this idea that God is very distant and just stares at us with a magnifying glass and we’re all just like ants to Him, but that image can’t be anything farther from the truth. He was close to Adam and Eve. He walked with them. That’s how He intended it to be for all mankind. But when Adam and Eve sinned against Him by disobeying Him, He could no longer be in their presence. His perfect goodness would kill them because He was so pure and they were now so not.
Real quick, for those of you who don’t like the whole obeying God thing: the only reason God has commands and wanted Adam and Eve to obey Him was because He loved them. See, the Creator knew what was best for what He created. He loved them and proved it with His actions (i.e. giving them everything they need and more). Yet, the test of their trusting in that was available through the tree of knowledge. They were given a choice so they wouldn’t be robotic and forced into worshipping (another term for loving God with your whole heart and mind), and they chose to not obey Him.
Okay, now that you hopefully understand from a Biblical stand-point why you were made, here is another reason why you are so valuable.
Remember how Adam and Eve sinned by disobeying God and then God had to “hide” from them, causing this separation from His presence? God, in His unconditional love, didn’t want it to stay that way. He made us with a purpose to be loved by Him in entirety, getting the awesome privilege, free of charge, to bask in His presence and goodness, and He was bound and determined to redeem Adam’s fatal mistake. So what does He do?
He actually planned ahead. See, the Bible says that Christ, “was God and was with God in the beginning.” (John 1:1). It’s a little hard to comprehend, but hey, He’s God and we’re not, we have about 10% brain usage supposedly available to us if we’re fortunate, but anyhow, God decided to split Himself into three persons i.e. Father, Son, and the Holy Spirit. Why three forms of Himself? Since He’s all-knowing, He knows that His first son, Adam, is going to mess up. So, He needs a perfect Son that won’t mess up. Now, there’s the dilemma: human-beings are error-prone. God thinks, I can’t possibly have a human son that is able of being perfect, so I will have to have a divine One. Hence, Jesus.
Now God waits for the opportune time to send Jesus into the world, and before He does, throughout the lives of various other children (Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Moses, David, Isaiah the prophet, etc.), God gives us prophecies concerning Jesus. Not only that, but Jesus appears in the Old Testament scriptures several times to Abraham, Jacob, Moses, Daniel and others, and is called, “The Angel of the Lord,” and is in the form of a man (for example: He literally wrestles with Jacob). He gives them a whole bunch of prophecies so that they know when this perfect Son comes—the one who will redeem Adam’s mistake and bridge the gap of separation between God and man—so they can believe in Him. Finally, the time comes and Jesus fulfills every Old Testament prophecy of the Messiah (the Savior.)
He grows up, lives a sinlessly-perfect life, works miracles to prove His divinity, and then willingly dies on a cross for the sins of humanity. See, the price for sin was death (eternal separation from God), but Jesus aka God Himself, comes in the form of man, and dies in everyone’s place so that if we want God for eternity (to live in Heaven with Him), we can once again have it.
God wanted us back so bad that he died for it. There’s no greater love than to sacrifice your life for another. The Bible says God proved His love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us, for you.
To top it off, God says, “Hey, not only am I going to come down as the Son of God so that mankind can be in Heaven with me again after they leave this life, but I want them to have a more fulfilling and empowering time while they’re here as well.” So, He has the Spirit form of Himself. The purpose of God’s Spirit is so that once you trust in Jesus as the one who died and rose again to save you, His Spirit can live inside of you and help you become a better person, and so you can experience Him as much as humanly possible while on this earth.
God knows that His law, the Ten Commandments, is basically impossible to adhere to as human beings. We’ve all lied, lusted, wanted something someone else had, etc. so He gives us what the Bible calls “a helper” to help us live out those commands. See, Christianity is the only religion where God Himself lives inside of you, helping you walk out the faith. It’s not like every other religion where you have to work at being good and depend on your own efforts and will-power to get into heaven. He says, “There’s no work you can do, I love you, no worries, I took care of it on the cross.” He simply asks that you turn away from your disobedience and trust Him. What does that look like practically?
Ladies, if you’re sleeping with your boyfriend, decide to stop, and then trust in Jesus. See, if you say you believe in Jesus, yet you go on disobeying what He says, you mess yourself up. That’s not really trust, it’s taking matters into your own hands, believing sleeping with your boyfriend is the only way to keep him instead of trusting God for a man who’s going to wait for you till marriage.
You have value beyond belief. You were made to be loved and love in return. God died for you to prove how much He loves you and then He gives His Spirit to those who trust in Him so they can live abundantly and follow His commands so their lives are better. Jesus says, “Learn from Me, for my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11:30)
God’s law isn’t what some, maybe well-intentioned Christians make it out to be. They were made for your benefit. If there was no laws in the government or penalty for breaking them, imagine what this world would look like. But God says, look, if you just trust in Me and learn from Me, I’ll help you out. You’ll mess up, but I’ll be right there to pick you back up again and keep moving you forward.
There’s another thing that makes you precious. The Bible says in many places that God has specific plans for you, plans He made before He even laid the foundation of the earth, “Plans for good and not evil, to prosper you, to give you a future and a hope.”-Jeremiah 29:11
Ever wonder why you can sing or draw or write or take photos, or are good at math? Or why you have a love for certain things? God put it there for a reason. Or maybe you don’t know what you’re good at yet and what you’re passionate about. He and only He can reveal that to you.
TIPS FOR GETTING TO KNOW YOUR WORTH
Get to know God. Don’t let this sound religious because it’s not. I’m not telling you to pray over an object fifty times, but I am saying read some of His inspired word. I suggest checking out the gospel of John in the New Testament. Eventually read the whole Bible, but start out with the New. See what God thinks of you. Then pray to Him about your desires and feelings, hurts and problems. Find a good strictly-Bible-teaching church. I say strictly because you have sects that teach “other books” besides the Bible/in addition to it (Mormonism, Jehovah’s Witnesses’ etc.), or as Jesus put it, “Doctrines of men,” (Matthew 15:6-9) that twist Scripture. Stay away from those.
Finding out your inner beauty and value is a journey. You don’t know when your time is up so start today.