The Real Reason Why A Man Pushing Premarital Sex Doesn’t Love You

Ladies, if a “Christian” man intends on and expects to have sex before marriage, he does not really love you, and you may not have considered this as the reason why. Stay put; it’s about to get deep.

“Finally then, brothers, we ask and encourage you in the Lord Jesus, that as you have received from us how you must walk and please God — as you are doing — do so even more.

For this is God’s will, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality, so that each of you knows how to control his own body in sanctification and honor, not with lustful desires, like the Gentiles who don’t know God. This means one must not transgress against and defraud his brother in this matter, because the Lord is an avenger of all these offenses, as we also previously told and warned you. For God has not called us to impurity but to sanctification. Therefore, the person who rejects this does not reject man, but God, who also gives you His Holy Spirit.”
‭‭1 Thessalonians‬ ‭4:1, 3-8‬ ‭HCSB‬‬

The man who purposes to have sex with you before marriage is rejecting God by refusing to abstain from premarital sex. He is rejecting Christ which means if he dies today, according to scripture, he will go to hell:

“Don’t you know that the unrighteous will not inherit God’s kingdom? Do not be deceived: No sexually immoral people, idolaters, adulterers … will inherit God’s kingdom.”
‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭6:9-10‬ ‭HCSB‬‬

It’s much deeper than many of us realize. So much of pagan and idol worship involves sex outside of the covenant of marriage. Having sex with temple prostitutes and orgies were popular forms of “worship” and here is why:

God ordained marriage to display the beautiful, holy, intimate relationship He has with His bride the Church. In the bible, the word used for when a man makes love to his wife is “yada.” It is a deep “knowing” hence the reason the bible usually translates it in ways like this, “and Isaac *knew* Rebecca.”

That same word is used often by God when He tells us He will cause us to “know” Him.

“I will take you to be My wife forever. I will take you to be My wife in righteousness, justice, love, and compassion. I will take you to be My wife in faithfulness, and you will know Yahweh.”
‭‭Hosea‬ ‭2:19-20‬ ‭HCSB‬‬

God is all about creation pointing back to Him, glorifying Him. The union of a married couple is supposed to help us understand the way God desires us to deeply know and love Him, just as we are deeply loved and known by Him.

Satan, God’s enemy, the fallen angel who hates Jesus more than anyone, as an act of defiance toward Him, takes pleasure in profaning God’s creation, in profaning everything, but ESPECIALLY marriage. Satan warps the creation of true, sacred marital oneness (“sex” as the world calls it), and makes it as vile as possible, hence pornography, rape, homosexuality, beastiality, orgies, etc.

But with Christians, he needs to be much more crafty and less flamboyantly profane to lure them into his trap. Satan’s mission: seduce God’s children whom God loves immeasurably and died to save, trick them into having premarital sex so they can be his greatest weapons to crush God’s heart. After luring a Christian to reject the Holy Spirit and walk into his grasp, engaging in sex outside of God’s covenant of marriage, Satan peers up into the fiery eyes of Jesus and says, “look at Your children. Look at how much they love You.”

Beloved, do not ever let yourself become a flaming arrow in Satan’s hand used to pierce Christ’s heart and trample and spit upon His sacrifice. He died so you can be free from sin, not so that you can keep following Satan.

“But anyone joined to the Lord is one spirit with Him. Run from sexual immorality! “Every sin a person can commit is outside the body.” On the contrary, the person who is sexually immoral sins against his own body. Don’t you know that your body is a sanctuary of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought at a price. Therefore glorify God in your body.”
‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭6:17-20‬ ‭‬‬

Author Interview for Kiss A Frog, Miss the Prince

Author, Natasha Sapienza has written an eBook, Kiss A Frog, Miss The Prince. In Kiss A Frog, Natasha discusses four types of “frogs” women get into relationships with before introducing them to the Perfect Prince and the Rescued Frog. With funny anecdotes and great advice, women discover how to discern frogs from true princes, and are encouraged to wait on God to write their real-life fairy tale.

Q: So when did you start becoming boy crazy?

N: The plague started in Kindergarten, from the moment I laid eyes on Bobby Well. I would keep record of all my boyfriends and in fifth grade alone I had sixteen. The number went down in high school, but I still managed to have ten during those four years.


Q: When did you become content with being single?
N: I was nineteen-years-old. February 21st, 2009, I had made a decision to let go of my ex because I knew God did not intend for us to be together. In fact, my ex was a very real obstacle in my relationship with Christ. After I surrendered that relationship, Jesus began to heal my heart and in literally six days, I was no longer crying, but was filled with joy and finally content in my singleness.


Q: How old were you when you met your “dream prince” as you call him?

N: It was actually quite soon after giving up my ex. I had prayed for a prophet to be placed in my path so I can receive a clear word from the Lord, because although I had been healed of a broken heart, I was still getting “signs” that were confusing me. “Maybe I am meant to be with my ex, just not right now. Or maybe I’m supposed to be with my other ex.” After only a week—if that—of praying for a prophet to be placed in my path, I was randomly invited to a church service that would be held at a college in Miami. I went, and the last person to be introduced by the pastor was, “Ricardo Strachan, a mighty prophet of the Lord!” I approached the prophet after the service and at once he said, “The Spirit of the Lord told me Satan has been confusing you in the area of relationships, but God said He’s going to make things clear for you very soon—very soon.” I met Jonathan, the man who is now my husband, on March 4th, 2009, not even two weeks after saying goodbye to my ex. And it was very clear.


Q: How did you meet your dream prince?

N: My older sister started telling me about this guy from her theatre program in college who she believed God wanted me to meet. I was content in my singleness and not looking to be in a relationship, but I invited him to come with his brother to where I attended service, and I invited my sister. Neither of them came, but Jonathan did so our first official meeting was at the building I went to service at—and the building we’d eventually walk down the aisle in.

Q: How long were you and your dream prince engaged before your wedding day?
N: We were boyfriend and girlfriend for a little over a year when Jonathan proposed. Knowing that God had called us to get married and not wanting to play with fire, we kept our engagement short (four months), so by a year and six months we said, “I do.”


Q: Why is your ministry called Better Than Prince Charming?
N: My husband actually came up with that name. A few times in our relationship, God reminded me of this bible verse: “It is better to take refuge in the LORD than to trust in princes.”-Psalm 118:9. So God is better than Prince Charming (who isn’t a devout Christian), and the man God has for you is also better than him.


Q: In Kiss A Frog, Miss the Prince, you talk about four types of “frogs” we ladies can get into relationships with. Have you been with all four of those kinds of frogs?

N: With my track record, yes, unfortunately I have been with the Infatuated Frog, Rebel Frog, Controlling Frog, and the Deceitful Frog—several times. I had this crazy notion that I was some sort of super woman who could save bad boys so I always ended up in relationships with guys who had serious issues.


Q: Which type of frog do you think is the worst?

N: They’re all quite slimy. The Controlling Frog can end up becoming abusive, and that’s certainly a horrible situation to find yourself in. They all use manipulation in some form, but the Deceitful Frog can be very emotionally damaging, causing trust issues that interfere with a woman’s ability to trust her future spouse. In my personal experience, the last frog was the worst. He was mostly an Infatuated Frog and a Rebel Frog, but I found that the heart break was worst with him because of how much I had let him in emotionally, physically, and spiritually. Not to say Christian men are absolutely perfect, but when a man is not following Christ, whether knowingly or unknowingly, he’s following Satan. Satan is all about serving self, whereas Christ is all about serving others. When you are in a relationship with a frog, no matter how good he makes you feel, he’s seeking to get his desires met, and this always leads to pain and heart ache. So opening your heart up to any frog in general is a path to brokenness and eventual destruction.


Q: Why do you think women date frogs?

N: Insecurity is a big reason, but the root is always a disconnect from Christ. When you do not know Love Himself intimately, you search for Him in other places. We are looking for closeness and affirmation, identity and purpose, and all of those precious treasures are hidden in Christ. Thus, they can only be experienced by those who are abiding in Him. Abiding as in choosing to pick up our cross, deny ourselves, and follow Him daily.


Q: Is the man dressed as a prince on the cover your husband?
N: How did you know?


Q: What age group of women do you think would benefit most from Kiss A Frog?

N: I believe single women of all ages can learn something helpful and receive encouragement from this book. Whether you’re a teenager and just starting to get into relationships, or a grown woman who’s had her share of relationships, I trust there’s something all single ladies can glean from.

Natasha Sapienza is a daughter of the King, a wife, and soon-to-be mother. She has written two eBooks, and is currently working on a YA fantasy trilogy. To learn more about her ministry, visit, or to check out Kiss A Frog, Miss The Prince, visit:

Do you have a guy on your mind more often than not? You got a problem, girl: you’re setting yourself up for a heartbreak

This is coming from a girl well acquainted with heart breaks [too acquainted]. I’ve cried for many boys, but I’ve had four true heart-breaks (two coming from the same guy).

My first major heart break would make it’s debut before I was even considered a teenager. I was in fifth-grade, during my highest season (sixteen boyfriends in one year), when I met the brother of the boy who would break my heart a year later. His name was Joel, (the heart-breaker’s brother), and I’m saddened to say he was infatuated with me. It’s sorrowful to recount, but I actually dated Joel, and like the fifteen boyfriends I had that fifth grade year, I dumped him like a hot potato–maybe gave ’em two weeks, tops, before another boy caught my eye–his older brother. When I met JC it was Halloween. He was (up until that point), the cutest boy I’d ever seen; big hazel eyes, dirty blond hair, tight bod (for a thirteen year-old at least). This Puerto-Rican cutie-pie honestly resembled a young William Levy. He had a girl-friend, but that wasn’t an issue for me. Girl-friends or girls who liked the same guy as me were hardly an obstacle (or at least they weren’t before). So, I invited him to my twelfth birthday party. I was in sixth grade now, and he was in seventh (always had a thing for older guys). He came, and my, was he the topic for discussion for every girl at my party, even my sixteen-teen year old sister and mom! [I’m tellin’ you, this boy was a looker!]. We slow danced (my dad got it on tape), to Ginuwine’s “Differences” and Usher’s “New Relationship” (my mom, knowing he had a girl-friend, asked the DJ to play it). Everything was going great, this guy was totally into me! (so I thought…) Shortly after my party, maybe a week or so, he dumped his girl-friend and asked me out. I was ecstatic!–for two weeks. He dumped me after some drama that took place with his ex (this girl literally walked around the school in her cheerleader uniform with a two by two foot poster saying I was a slut, so I did what any goodie-good twelve year old would do: did the same thing but with meaner labels. Sidenote:I wasn’t always a Christian). But I discovered from my bestfriend that this was only a reason to get rid of me because he really dug her cousin who had attended my party, but left early. Boy was I broken to pieces. JC left Miami and moved two hours away the same year. I cried for him for over a year, torturing myself with the song, “You Got it Bad.” I did have it bad, and I was only twelve! But that wouldn’t be the last time my little heart get’s trampled on.

I had a few mini heart breaks after JC; one in seventh grade, another in eighth, and then in tenth. I was now sixteen, and had met a new boy that surpassed my like of the rest, yes, even of JC. Chris, we’ll call him, was now the most beautiful guy I’d ever seen. This guy resembled James Franco in his prime (my friends and I would come up with code names for the guys we liked, his was, “J. F.”). Brown eyes that were never opened all the way, giving them a mysterious squint, always having a glimmer in them, even in the darkest of lighting. And his smile, oh his smile; pearly white against visibly soft thick pink lips. He had a good height for a sixteen year-old; 5’9, and everything from those squinty eyes to his deep and raspy voice was mysterious. But I’d quickly come to find he and I were on two very different walks in life. He was into drinking and smoking weed, I was not. So he relayed to me, right off the bat, that he wasn’t interested in “good girls.” I should’ve heeded the warning. Two weeks later he was dating a girl with basically the female version of his name, “Christina” we’ll call her (in real life the names were even closer). I was really hurt, because I’d researched this boy’s MySpace page up and down, had a three hour conversation with him over AIM, and convinced myself that he was perfect for me and that I too was perfect for him. I would believe this, albeit somewhat secretively, for two years before he’d finally give me the time of day.

His relationship with Christina lasted surprisingly long; over a year. I found out later that he had lost it to her and the fact that she was having sex with him had much to do with it. I also heard that he eventually dumped her because he got tired of her, and she became a bit crazy for him. This didn’t bother me too much, because I saw beyond his reputation. I was a virgin myself, and believed a good girl like me could change him. (Food for thought: you can’t change a guy, at least not permanently. Only God can change a person for good, and only if they WANT to change).

I was a Senior when we got reconnected, and he started to fall for me (well actually, under the stars one night, he confessed indirectly that he’d cared about me all along). This boy also believed that he could change for me. He told me he was willing to abstain from sex (even though for me, it wasn’t an option to begin with), and wait for me, no matter how much it killed him inside. (Ever hear that one, ladies?) Anyways, he waited all right, for two weeks! He blamed the break up on family issues, but he had another girl-friend not very long after, and then another, and later on that year, a week after hooking up with me again, I ran into him at the mall and guess who he was with? Christina!

Well, he broke my heart: I lost seven pounds in less than two weeks. My poor bestfriend, Marilyn, had to suffer through the pain with me (being that we were practically connected at the hip). But a final heart breaker would enter my life a month after the break-up (which by the way, was on Valentine’s Day): Dace.

Dace and I worked at the same dance studio. I taught (still do), Musical Theatre and he taught Acrobatics. Funny, I’d seen this mysterious and quite-frankly, weird, acro teacher a few times, but didn’t think much of him (except that he was kind of strange). But one day, after going out with a few mutual friends (his friend, David liked me), I became attracted to him. We started “exclusively dating” (not officially), that same week. It would be two months until he’d ask me on prom night to make it official. I was on cloud nine with this boy–until he revealed another side of himself (literally). This boy was more confusing, conflicting, and complicated than any guy I dated before him. He was truly a nice guy, but had lots of unresolved issues that broke us apart. He couldn’t give his heart over to me as I had so willfully given him mine (I was ready to finally lose my virginity), but he denied both my goods (we did, however, do other things sexually, which I regret), and my heart, and this time, I was broken for real. I was done. I had made this boy, unbeknowest to me, my god. I loved him more than anything, thought about him more than anything, and was willing to give up all I had to offer, just so I could be with him forever. And this, was a problem. 

See, I had set my heart up for the shattering. I thrust my heart into the hands of boys who couldn’t handle it with care and who definitly couldn’t open up their hearts to me. Whether it be paternal issues or some other family issues, they had been sinned against, and these unhealed wounds disabled them from moving on and loving freely, without doubt or fear.

The Bible says, “Perfect love casts out fear.” I didn’t know this while in relationship with these boys, but they were incapable of loving me, because fear had crippled them, and the only way they would ever be able to love me completely, was if and when Perfect Love cast it out. Do you know where Perfect Love comes from? God.

The Bible says, “God is love,” and that, “We love because He first loved us.” If we want to know how to love, the best example of love that ever walked this earth was Jesus Christ Himself. He said that everything He did, He’d seen the Father do. He said that He and the Father were one. So God came down, in the likeness of man, so that we can know Perfect Love, in hopes that we would not only emulate it, but embrace it.

So what am I saying?

Lovely lady (or even gentleman), reading this blog, if you have given your heart over to another human being, so much so, that you think about them at least 95% of the time, you are setting yourself up for heart break, because there is no human being on the planet that can love you perfectly. I’m married, and my husband loves me, and although it’s lightyears better than any guy before him, it’s definitly not a perfect love. It get’s better and will continue to do so because He is a man of God and wants to obey God’s commands on how to love and Christ lives in his heart, so He has the capacity to love me immensely and display it beautifully, but only God can love me and does love me with utter perfection. There’s a term in the greek for God’s love called “agape” it means, ‘God’s unconditional love.’ He’s the only one that knows every single sin you’ve ever commited and even the ones you will later, and yet, loves you unconditionally. He knows every thought you’ve ever had, and still loves you. He actually formed you, gave you the gifts and the passions you hold. He’s so in love with you, He watches you every second of the day. He knows everything you do. He seeks opportunity to knock on your heart, to whisper in your ear, to let you know He is there, in hopes that by His love and grace, you’d acknowledge Him and want to pursue Him in return. Some people don’t believe in Him, I’d boldly say it’s because they’ve willfully turned a blind eye to His presence. They deny and deny Him until their hearts are so hard, they really cannot see Him in their life. The Bible calls it a veil. But Jesus can remove it, if they so choose.

God’s love is for everyone, the Bible makes it clear, but it also makes it clear that love is a choice. We can choose God’s love or we can deny it till our last breath. And then God’s critics balk at hell. If they want nothing to do with Him while here on earth, why would they want to go to heaven where they’ll be in His presence for eternity? What I’m saying is, love is a choice, and even hell is a choice. You can choose to give your heart to God, or you can give it to someone or something else. But in the end, that road leads to destruction. (Trust me, I’ve been there, and know plenty others who have been too).

So my prayer for you is that you give your heart to God. That you would simply say aloud to Him, ‘God, I open my heart to you now, and I invite you inside. I’m sick of the heart breaks and disappointments, I want someone who won’t let me down, I want You to be my God now.” But there’s one thing you have to understand, “He who has the Son, has the Father, He who does not have the Son, does not have the Father.”

‘Member how I mentioned earlier that Jesus said Him and God were one? Well, if you deny Jesus, you’re ultimately denying God, and love itself. Because Jesus died for us, this you may have heard, but what you may not have come to understand is that He did not do it in vain. He died because every person on this planet has broken some, if not all, of the Ten Commandments. We’ve basically broken God’s law. Whether it be by lying, lusting, hating someone, envying, taking something that doesn’t belong to us i.e. stealing, we’ve all broken it. And God as the Just Judge cannot overlook crime, just as an earthly judge would be considered unjust if he let a criminal go with no price to pay. But what does God do? He says, “I love this world so much, I don’t want them to have to pay the price which is eternal separation from Me, because I’m perfect and holy, and I cannot have criminals dwelling with Me. So this is what I’ll do, since I’m the only one who has never messed up, I’ll come down to them, in a form like theirs, and live a perfect life. Then I will die on their behalf, so that ‘whosoever’ chooses to trust in My Son, will be forgiven and have everlasting life.” This was Jesus’ message, and He made it very clear. I pray you choose the Son, choose life and forgiveness, and best of all, eternally perfect agape.

Can your affection be bought?

A guy flashes some big bills, rocks a car that costs the same amount as an apartment, only dines at expensive restaurants, dresses in Armani Exchange; is this enough to buy your affection? Is he kind? Not really. Is he caring? Not much. Does he treat you with respect? Not necessarily. If this is you, honey, I’m preachin’ to you!

There was a woman who came into the restaurant where I used to work as a greeter, and she was with this Scrooge-faced man who, when she tried to put her arm around him, shoved her off for who knows what reason. She just smiled and tried to play off his rude reaction. She then gave his arm a hug before quickly letting go and peering at her menu. It was sad, and I really felt bad for her. She was a beautiful woman and seemed very sweet, and this guy was all on his smart phone half the time, not really engaging her. She appeared to be more of an accessory than a girl he admired.

“But Natasha, you’ve only seen them together once.” Either way, I know of girls who are with guys that treat them indifferently and the girl is all hung up on the dude. Why be with someone who doesn’t treat you with love and appreciation? Why must you settle for a guy who doesn’t know how to love a woman, or is too self-centered to consider the idea?

“How precious is Your steadfast love, O God! The children of men take refuge and put their trust under the shadow of Your wings,” (Psalms 36:7).

“But God shows and clearly proves His love for us by the fact that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us,” (Romans 5:8).

“But God, being [so very] rich in mercy, because of His great and wonderful love with which He loved us, even when we were [spiritually] dead and separated from Him because of our sins, He made us [spiritually] alive together with Christ (for by His grace—His undeserved favor and mercy—you have been saved from God’s judgment),” (Ephesians 2:4-5 AMP).

This is the way God loves you and this is the way He calls for you to be loved:

“And walk in love, [esteeming and delighting in one another] as Christ loved us and gave Himself up for us,” (Ephesians 5:2)

“Love one another with brotherly affection [as members of one family], giving precedence and showing honor to one another,” (Romans 12:10)

“Love does no wrong to one’s neighbor [it never hurts anybody]. Therefore love meets all the requirements and is the fulfilling of the Law,” (Romans 13:10)

Here’s the clincher:

“Love endures long and is patient and kind; love never is envious nor boils over with jealousy, is not boastful or vainglorious, does not display itself haughtily. It is not conceited (arrogant and inflated with pride); it is not rude (unmannerly) and does not act unbecomingly. Love (God’s love in us) does not insist on its own rights or its own way, for it is not self-seeking; it is not touchy or fretful or resentful; it takes no account of the evil done to it [it pays no attention to a suffered wrong],” (1 Corinthians 13:4-5 AMP)

If you’re with someone who does not love you as previously described, you need to get with it and get OUT! I’m not saying there’s a perfect man out there (again, no one is perfect), but I am saying there’s a man out there who will try his best to love you the way God calls him to. But before you can get that kind of prince, you have to give your heart to the only King who will never reject it or abuse it.

Don’t waste another day of pain and sad hopes for something more. God is more, and He’s waiting to give you everything you need…

                                                        With love,


Blast from the Past aka Return of the Ex

If you’re a serial dater like I once was, you may have a knack for re-dating an ex.  My expert advice on the subject:  DON’T DO IT!

First of all, if it didn’t work out before, what makes you think it’ll work out now?  Too many of us are hooked, snatched, stuck, whatever you want to call it, on an ex boyfriend.  I know a girl who went out with the same guy SEVEN TIMES!  And she still “felt bad” for him!  I know she’s not alone on this so if you’re on round three, four, or even just two with the same guy, step into my office.


Recycle woman, I want to ask you to please recap what happened the first time that caused you two to break up.  Now, be honest with yourself, is there a chance that it can happen again?

“Once a cheater, always a cheater.”  Oh how true.  The only thing that can stop a horn-dog in his tracks is a Divine Trainer!  If he hasn’t encountered Him, RUN AWAY without thinking twice!

Maybe it wasn’t cheating, maybe it was too much fighting.  Okay: yes, IF the guy is well-intended and truly cares for you, there is a remedy for this (see “Why men love b****es.” Why this is a lie.”).  HOWEVER, if the fighting has anything to do with some major character flaws on his behalf e.g. lying, cheating, verbal abusing, physical abusing, control issues, jealously issues, DO NOT EVEN TRY WITH THE GUY!  Cut him off!


If you’re thinking about giving an ex another go, chances are you had made him the sun of your universe or have an insecurity issue.  BOTH need changing.

If he was your sun, meaning everything revolved around him, your disposition depended on him etc., stay single.  Don’t give him OR another guy a try.  You have to set your priorities straight.  A guy can never be the epicenter of your world.  He can be a nice addition to your world, but not the object of it.

Who is most important in your life?

The ideal answer to this question is God, then ourselves and then others.  But I know for some of us it’s, “John, Alex, Brian, Juan,” or whoever the dude is, with ourselves last.  For me, I somehow tricked myself into thinking God was important, that since I prayed every day to Him, I loved Him.  But really, my ex Dace was way before God, and I loved him more.  Most of the time when I went to God, it was about Dace!  Sure I’d somewhat pray for my family, but really, the bulk of my prayers had selfish motives.  A few times in our relationship I saw the intervention of God, the gentle knocking on my heart, trying to get my attention.  Heck, I even said aloud once after Dace and I broke up the first time, “God, I think you’re trying to tell me to put You first.” Literally seconds after I said that, Dace told me he wanted to try again. But of course, after we started going out again, God was shoved to the back of the line with only a five-minute, “Hello, can you do this for me?” nightly phone call.  It wasn’t until He intervened two more times that I truly decided to try to get to know Him, to pursue Him like I had so passionately pursued my ex. When I did, He swept me off my feet. Dace was no longer the center of my universe, God was. Funny, after I made that decision, the guy I could only dream about came marching along without me seeking him.

So once you let God show you what He’s got, it’s super easy to fall in love with Him and make Him first place in your life, but loving yourself next–after all the abuse and pain of past relationships–can be a bit more tricky.

A simple remedy: start seeing what God thinks of you. Yes, the Bible is ancient, but when you actually delve into it, you see how relative it is to the here and now.  You discover the value you have as a special creation of God (think about it: God made man first and was like, “Wow, there is obviously something missing here,” and after making YOU, He was completely satisfied with the work of His hands).

God sees you as that necessary missing piece of the world.  When you see all He entrusts you with–the responsibilities and how He commands men to treat you and what He has to say to the man who marries you–you basically feel like Daddy’s little princess that better be treated the way He would treat you or else!

Once you’ve learned to love God and yourself, MAYBE one day things will work out with your ex.  But in most cases, there’s a prince out there waiting to step into your path and rescue you from all the terrible dragons of your past and that guy is definitly worth waiting for.

One of my many heartbreaks: During & After

What you are about to read are actual personal blogs and emails of when I was enduring the worst heartbreak I had ever experienced.  You will also be reading entries of when God mended my broken heart.


The time drags on

I was as free as my mind would have me believe

Away to another land…

A place so different…yet so familiar.

I was happy there

But like most things, it came to an end.

And there I was again,

Staring in your eyes.

The days are clear now,

My mind no longer clinging to blurred visions.

You can only hold onto something for so long, until your
hand begins to hurt,

Yet I’m numb to the pain now.

Made strong by the unexpected sameness of that foreign

And here we are.

Here I am.

As always.

Love, is meant to be shared…

And now again, the time passes

As I once and for all

Slowly drift away.


I’m sorry I held on so long.
I see that you’re happy. You found someone else. So I’m letting go. I only wish
I didn’t try again and go into this so blindly. I fooled myself into believing
you still loved me, taking your indirect response to when I said to you that after all this
time you still love me, as a yes. I didn’t consider it might mean a no, you
just didn’t want to say that because it would hurt me. I wish I didn’t believe
I had a chance. I guess losing me isn’t as great as a loss to you as it would
be if you lost her. That thought kills me, even though I don’t know all that
she’s done for you, I know all that I’ve done…I guess it’s just hard to
understand because I haven’t gotten over you. I guess if you get over someone,
it is easy to let them go. What does it matter if they’re in your life or not?
Maybe someday I‘ll feel like that too. I hope you don’t get angry with me, although
I honestly feel like you just might not…getting angry would mean you cared. And
my hopes for that are a little more than low. If you really care about someone,
you fight for them. Well, I feel like my fights over. I lost. I was trying to
be your friend, but I must admit the thought that after a while that might
change, was a strong motivation. Now that that motivations lost, it would be a
lot harder. So, I don’t think I can or we should be friends. Either way, it won’t
be much of a loss for you. Maybe when I’ve reached that point of not caring for
you in that sense anymore, I can be. I hate being selfish, I was really trying
not to be, no longer overstepping the boundaries, holding back from touching
you, holding you. I wasn’t even thinking about the fact that although I couldn’t,
someone else was able to. Knowing that information now would be too much. I
hope you can understand.


I wish things could be

I wish it didn’t have to be
this way.

I wish you wouldn’t make it

I wish this was easier.

I wish I could be with you.

I wish we didn’t have to let

I wish you wouldn’t act on
your emotions.

We both have to be alone.

I wish I could have kissed
you goodbye.

I wish I could have hugged
you one last time.

I wish I would have stayed in
your arms longer.

I wish I never needed you.

Maybe the tides can turn.

Maybe the wind will change.

Maybe when I’ve learned to
only need Him,

Maybe when I’ve finally put
Him first…

Who knows…

One can wish, right?

We somewhat know what the
future holds.

I wish it didn’t matter.

I wish we could have tried
anyways and been together until we really had to say goodbye.

I wish I never saw the pain
in your eyes.

I wish I never felt it when I
was in your arms.

I wish you never told me how
it felt when you kissed me.

It made my chest burn and the
blood rush to my head.

I wish I was never addicted
to you.

I wish I never cared so much.

I wish I could have put God

because maybe then we wouldn’t
be in this mess.

I wish you knew you’re not
the only one who’s hurt.

I wish I could have learned
this lesson sooner.

I wish I didn’t still have
this tiny hope.

I wish you still didn’t have
a piece of me.

I wish this won’t take too

Maybe then I can be a part of
your life again.

Only if I love Him first…

I wish you knew how blinded
my love for you made me.

I really believe I put you
above Him.

Love that true can be

I wish you’d understand He
must come first.

I wish you wouldn’t be angry
with me.

I wish you knew how what you’re
doing is jabbing the knife in deeper and deeper.

I can only wish you care.

I can only wish you wouldn’t
twist the knife.

I wish I can look into your

Now when I think of you I see
the last time I peered into your face.

It hurts.

I wish the last look was a

I wish we could someday be

But He’ll never let it happen
if we don’t both put Him first.

And maybe even if we do, it
won’t happen.

it’s worth a try



I don’t hate. I only love. I
don’t regret. I understand. I forgive. I pray.

Be positive.

Have hope. Have faith. Have

I am, and always will be,
here for you.


I honestly see the world so

I see people differently.

I don’t think the way I used to.

I don’t judge the way I used

I don’t hate.

Ever Since I drew near to Him, really allowed
Him (Jesus), to come inside; He’s changed my mind and my heart.

But only for the better.

I thought taking a shower
alone with lights low was the closest thing to complete peace I’d ever get.

But I never knew the peace He
can give me.

I thought those intimate moments I spent with
my ex were the closest feelings to love I’d ever feel.

I didn’t know the love He can give me.


As my eyes rest on the eyes
of a dream,

My heart skips a beat and I
have to remind myself to breathe.

Unbelievingly soaking in a
reality that’s surreal.

Hard to accept something so
wonderful didn’t stem from my unconscious.

But then it’s easy to accept
he shouldn’t be such a wonder,

For although my mind couldn’t
invent such a blessing as he,

The Hands that created him
are in the business of making miracles.


I’ve come to realize, not only by experience, but by
the experiences of others as well, that love without God, is tainted. There’s
always something wrong. Very wrong. And if not seemingly very wrong, then
something just isn’t right. There’s this missing piece. And what’s sad and very
tragic about this is a lot of us know it. How many times have I heard, “love
sucks,” or “love hurts”? Thing is, it isn’t supposed to suck or hurt. But too
many of us don’t know this. So, the majority of us simply settle. We’re either
constantly getting into fights with the person we’re in a relationship with,
verbally abusing each other, sometimes even getting physical, and we think, “this
is as good as it gets.” Cursing at each other, lying, playing games with one
another, being negatively physical towards each other, using each other; it’s
tainted. The body, heart, and mind were not meant to be abused.

Some say they’re merely putting up with the person’s faults. But if you had God, you wouldn’t
have to. I’m not saying there won’t be trials, but with God, respect, care,
trust, empathy, understanding, simply comes natural to a relationship. You find
yourselves striving to please each other; wanting to express your love for the
other person as much as possible. Simply connecting on a level that far
surpasses any level a mere physical relationship can take you. Not that the
physical side of a relationship is unimportant, but it’s the least important.
Physical beauty eventually fades, physical mobility eventually disintegrates.
Then what’s left after the sexual part of your relationship has come to a major
slow down or complete stop? Would you still yearn and love the person as much
as you did while you were so physically engaged?

God starts off with the spiritual first. And that’s where true love begins, resides, and lasts until
the end. When two souls know they were molded to compliment the other, sex isn’t
what reveals that. It’s when you get to know each other, your true selves,
which can only be discovered through a relationship with God, is this discovery
made. To many of us, sometimes romance movies can seem so unrealistic. We find
ourselves wishing we were that lucky guy or girl, or saying to ourselves, “I
wish there was a girl/guy like that out there.” The characters and the story
are almost perfect. They always meet by “fate” and end up falling in love and
finding the other to be perfect for them.

The amazing thing is: God’s love stories are even more unreal and perfect than any screenwriter or novelist’s imagination. When I hear the stories of how Christians met their husband or
wife in comparison to people who are in a relationship and just believe in God
or don’t even believe in Him, I am further convinced at just how true love
without God is tainted. Yes, I’m saying even if you believe in God, you’re
relationship is not what it can be. It’s one thing to believe in Him, but it’s
a whole ‘nother ball park when you have a relationship with Him. Relationship?
you might ask.

Well, God is known as “The Father.” The obvious reason being, He
created us. But He’s not only called our Father because He created us, but
because He does everything else dads are supposed to do: love us, guide us,
teach us and gently discipline us. He does all of these things and more. So
when you have tapped into the Being that literally is love and the creator of
it, only then are you truly experiencing all that is was created to be. Without
Him, you have the copy of love, the imitation. The tainted, beat up one the
world offers you. They come in all different forms, I’ve mentioned a few of
them, but I’ll mention them again: the abusive love; verbally/physically, the
love blinded by sex; the lust for one another’s body and the way you make each
other “feel” the tricky love where you play games with one another to hook
each other, then there’s simply those who are in a relationship because for the
most part, they do get along and have a lot in common. But ask yourselves if
you haven’t already, “is this really as good as it gets?”

I guarantee you, although you may not share the same beliefs, the fact of the matter is, it can
get better. Way better. Even if you think you’re in a great relationship. That’s
just because you’ve never tasted what a relationship where God’s the foundation
and comes first is like. It really is a fairy tale, unreal, like a dream. He
finds this amazing person for you, that not only in the present, but in the
long run will compliment you and help you with your purpose; be that extra
support so many of us want and need. This person is better than any dream guy
or girl you’ve created for yourself. And if you’re already in a relationship
and you find God together and place Him as the guide for your relationship, you’ll
be molded to fit each other (mainly if you’re already married), or if you’re
just boyfriend and girlfriend, you go your separate ways and find that other
person you’re supposed to be with (not always. He can make it work with the two
of you. Sometimes it takes one or both of you to come together to find Him, hence
why not all Christian relationships work. Just because both people are
Christian doesn’t mean they’re made for each other. My pastor went through four
amazing Christian women but with each one something was missing and God was
saying, “nope, it’s not her,” until finally he laid eyes on the woman he
predicted he’d someday marry, and sure as heck, they did and she was what he’d
been praying for and more. I’m writing this because I just may have found that
person God created for me. Maybe I’m wrong, I am only human, but I do know that
so far, the “coincidences,” everything we have in common, how we even came
together, how much of a dream and unreal this guy is, he’s everything I’d ask
for in a guy and more. And it’s amazing how God was at work in our relationship
even before we met face to face…