For the last two days, I’ve been reading my sad-but-true first-person memoir about my two last/biggest romantic relationships before I met the man God wanted me to marry. I also delve into me and Sir Jonathan’s relationship from the very beginning till our wedding day.
I detail conversations and experiences with my exes that had me in tears and had my husband seething. Not from jealousy, but from the treatment I endured from these guys. How I was played like a frickin’ fiddle by master musicians and strung along, entranced and deceived, ignoring every warning sign and running full-speed ahead into heartbreak.
I am SO tempted to republish this book for .99 cents just for the possibility that it may help some young girl or woman out there who is walking in the shoes I once wore. But, as I pray about that (please pray, too), I want to share some practical lessons from my dating duds/epic relationship fails to hopefully help you avoid some serious pain!
This may seem like an obvious no-no, but I wasn’t reading the Bible and really getting to know Jesus and His will for my life. I never sought Him for direction or relationship advice. Those questions were reserved for my best girlfriends who were just as clueless as I was when it came to healthy and successful romantic relationships.
I expected these guys to love me unconditionally when they didn’t even know Unconditional Love Himself and refused to follow His example. So, when their love was totally conditional, e.g., since you’re not gonna have sex with me, I’m not sticking around, or, since you’re too serious about us, I’m afraid of your intensity and passionate devotion so I’ll just exit stage left.
I couldn’t grasp why they couldn’t love me like I loved them, or be as committed to me as I was to them. But again, they weren’t Christians. There wasn’t a framework of commitment and honor and loyalty to a girl; of guarding her heart and being appropriate toward her and preparing for and waiting until marriage. They just did whatever their un-surrendered-to-God hearts wanted–which was ultimately and primarily sexual gratification without exclusive and life-long commitment. Basically, all the perks without the price-tag.
Whenever the guy disrespected me by disappearing for days, or kissing and then running, or whatever other red flags waved in my face, I might’ve complained, but I always ended up defending the guy’s actions and continued giving him chance, after chance, after chance. I never put my foot down. It took THEM abandoning me for me to have no choice but to move on. I always chased them down; called, texted, showed up at their house, forgave and took back, and tried to mend the relationship. I held on until my hands bled. Sisters, PLEASE, when warning signs begin to manifest, don’t wait until your heart is shattered or until he walks away. Put your foot down and move on before he does. Otherwise, you’re just lengthening the suffering.
Since God wasn’t my true source of joy and contentment, a romantic relationship with a broken, sinful, man was. And if any of you have ever been in a relationship with a guy, you know both of you mess up and make mistakes and act selfishly and hurt each other eventually. So if your happiness and hope is dependent on the well-being of your relationship, you’re probably sad and frustrated often (unless he’s a guy who loves Jesus. Not to say Christian men are perfect, but a true sheep of Jesus–not a wolf in sheep’s clothing–will treat you well and won’t put his interest first, but God’s best interest will be primary. He will fear and love God, and desire to please Him in his dealings toward you and treatment of you. He will seek to follow God’s plans and directives and rules for your relationship which seriously are so pure, and good, and safe, and healthy, and just ahhhh. SO much better than how people go about relationships without God being their Guide.
I’m sure as I continue to read my memoir, I’ll discover more lessons to share with you ladies, but for now, I plead with you to really do a relationship evaluation and then a heart check. Take a good three steps back from your relationship (if you’re in one) and prayerfully consider if one) he’s really a Christian; 2) there’s warning signs you’ve been ignoring, and 3) if all your happiness and hope hinges on the well-being of your relationship.
Praying for you.
I started a podcast for you ladies! You can download the episodes for free, or listen directly from your iPhone’s Podcast app, or if you don’t have the Podcast app, you can listen via SoundCloud.
Each podcast is focused on a topic for women, with biblical advice, and is around thirty-minutes long. Podcasts are great because you can listen while driving, working out, walking your dog, etc. and can always pause and listen to the rest at another time and they have a cool rewind and fast-forward feature that rewinds fifteen seconds back or fifteen seconds forward. Since they’re longer, I get more in depth than on my YouTube channel.
You can listen to my first podcast, Being Useful While Waiting For God to Fulfill His Promises in Your Life or check out today’s, He Wasn’t Made For You, You Were Made For Him.
My prayer is that these lessons strengthen you in your walk with Jesus, giving you greater understanding about your purpose, calling, and role as a daughter of God, encouragement to keep on keeping on, and practical to-do’s all from a place of realness and love.
Thank you so much Ebony for encouraging/inspiring me to upload this video despite the lack of aesthetic-ness. Sisters, feel free to share your thoughts in a comment. ❤ -Natasha
Who remembers this:
Well, read on 🙂
By the time I was sixteen, I became a pro at falling in infatuation with guys, and they were pros at falling out of infatuation with me.
The definition of infatuation is literally:
“an intense but short-lived passion or admiration for someone or something.”
But God redeemed my break up expertise and now, after being happily married for almost seven years, I have some wisdom to share so you can stop cheating on your future spouse and instead prepare for him or her.
Are you a single Christian waiting for a spouse? Have you tasted the waters of different men or women in search of “the one,” only to walk away thirsty? Is there a best way to prepare for your future husband or wife?
In this short, easy to grasp eBook, single Christians will learn how to not cheat on their future spouse, and how best to prepare for him or her.
If you’ve seen my “Don’t Cheat On Your Future Spouse” YouTube video and want to have a more in-depth and practical guide on this topic, Don’t Cheat On Your Future Spouse is for you!
Get it here on Amazon for Kindle eReader or for the free Kindle app.
Until next time, ladies, know your worth!
I pray for you precious sisters every day. I love you all and it is my great desire to see you walk in power, faithfulness, and the blessedness of the Lord by your obedience to Him. I want to talk to you ladies about the practical instructions given to us in several places in the bible: “Flee youthful lusts; Run from temptation.”
I believe as Christians, our flesh has been crucified because the bible tells us it has, but if you feed the flesh long enough, you can fall into sin. There are two forms of temptation. The first is what I’ll call Satanic Set-ups. Sometimes, the devil sets us up. In Job chapter one, Satan goes to God and asks if he can tempt Job to blaspheme by taking away his belongings. In Luke chapter four, Jesus is just following the Spirit as always, and Satan shows up to try and tempt him.
Then there’s Self-inflicted Temptation. This is what the bible describes as our own desires drawing us away and enticing us. When there are worldly desires in our heart that we have not crucified, that we have not put to death, these are the desires that can eventually lead us away from Christ and into sin.
In order to resist Satan and stand strong, we must first do this:
Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry. On account of these the wrath of God is coming. In these you too once walked, when you were living in them. But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth. Do not lie to one another, seeing that you have put off the old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its creator. Here there is not Greek and Jew, circumcised and uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave, free; but Christ is all, and in all. Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. (Colossians 3:5-14 ESV)
How do you practically put to death what is earthly or worldly in you? Jesus gives one answer:
“If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.” (Luke 9:23)
First, simply deny yourself. If you desire to read an erotic novel, you refrain from doing so. If you desire to watch a worldly tv show, you do something else instead (preferably meditating on something excellent, pure, perfect, holy, while cleaning or serving someone for example).
Then there are other things we can do like not hanging out with immoral friends because bad company corrupts good character (1 Corinthians 15:33), or cutting an ungodly relationship. Accountability, which simply means you are open and honest with another Christian, helps as well. You typically know what causes you to trip up and it ultimately comes down to who you will choose to serve: self or God.
I pray you choose Jesus, because He alone promises to have a good, acceptable, perfect, and pleasing will for your life that will only be discovered and experienced if you offer yourself as a living sacrifice to God and renew your mind through His Word (Romans 12:1-2).
Who else loves you as much as Jesus does? May the love of Christ compel you to daily pursue the right thing for His sake.
Know you worth,