One Way to Be More Attractive to a Guy

I can’t say I know what every guy is attracted to in a woman. But I do know something you can work on beforehand that’ll make you more attractive to any guy.

Slash self-absorption.

If you’re super anxious, really insecure, have health issues that just consume you, that’s not only people repellant, but it’s unhealthy for you as well.

Now it is good to be self aware. It is good to know if you’re struggling with depression or are fearful or have ailments. It’s important to take care of yourself. But when it absorbs you, that’s when it’s destructive to yourself and your relationships.

For example: there’s a girl I met a few months ago. We exchanged numbers and ever since, it’s always been requests for help. I’ve helped her out from Christian love, but I realized that literally is our entire relationship: her needing/wanting help and talking about all her ailments. She didn’t know I was pregnant for a while until I offered her the information. She actually never asks me anything about myself–ever. She would know nothing about me if I never volunteered sharing. Her health issues have made her completely self-absorbed. And I see she has unknowingly pushed away family and loved ones. It’s really sad and I pity her, but what we have is a one-sided friendship.

And no guy wants to be in that kind of relationship where self pity on your end is the consummation of your conversations.

Relationships are mutual. You can begin self-reflecting and observing how you are with others by reading text message conversations, listening to yourself when you’re hanging out with your friends to see if it’s all about you, etc. If it is, seek to change that by learning more about God and what He has to say about life via the Bible, first the New Testament). It’s amazing how freeing His perspective is.

Now there’s also the opposite side of the spectrum: when you keep it all in and only listen to others, but never or rarely share. Again, relationships are mutual, so open up. Ask questions and answer them, too. I think shyness isn’t entirely who someone is, but more so, it’s someone who’s afraid to share who they are for whatever reason. Typically, it’s what the Bible calls, “the fear of man.”

You fear what people are going to think of you. Or you’re not sure if you can trust them. Whatever the case, don’t let shyness be a roadblock in your relationships. Yes, it’s something that takes effort to overcome, but it all comes back to getting to know God and His love. Once you begin understanding how deeply you’re loved by God, you’ll grow less and less afraid of getting hurt or rejected by others, and your relationships will flourish.

Feel free to leave a comment if this resonated with you.

Xo!

Are you praying about your relationship?

Yesterday at church service, the pastor quoted an amazing Christian woman, Corrie ten Boom:

“Is prayer your steering wheel, or your spare tire?”

There are countless bible verses about how God specifically has plans for people, and directs them…but, there’s a condition: they must SEEK His plan. That means God has a plan even for your relationships and especially for who you marry.

Early early on, me and Jonathan sought God for our relationship. Four months in, Jonathan really gave Him the steering wheel.

We began to pray and ask God about if He wanted us to get married. There were three times in particular that I cried (literally was crying) out to God about speaking to me on if I should be with Jonathan or not. Even though I loved Jonathan so much and believed he was who God wanted me to be with, I obeyed Proverbs 3:6-9, which says to trust in God with all your heart and to not to lean on your own understanding, but to acknowledge Him in all of your ways so that He can direct your paths.

Trust in God is more than saying you trust Him and believing that you trust Him. It is actually going to Him for advice, listening to that advice, and then applying it. Real trust is doing whatever God tells you to do, and great trust is listening to and obeying Him even when you don’t FEEL like it. 

So, my honest to God best advice I can give you precious princesses is to really really seek God by:

a) asking Him to really speak to you on if you should continue in this relationship or not/ask if this is really the man God wants you to marry and

b) ask God to make it clear to you by speaking clearly to you through the Bible. Go to your bible, open it, and ask God to speak, and I promise you, when you do that, suddenly those words become very very specific and personal to what you’re going through and you just KNOW God is speaking to you. Then,

c) once you have heard Him speak, you obey. You apply whatever it is He told you to do and TRUST that He TRULY knows BEST, better than you; that unlike you, He can see the future, and knows the very BEST path for your life.

Another good test of your trust is to see if you’re afraid of whatever God’s answer may be. It might be to stay with the guy, but it may be to not stay with Him. Can you trust that despite whatever the answer is, God knows best, and EVERY decision and plan He has for you is truly for YOUR best interest as well as everyone else’s who’s involved, and that God LOVES you more than you love yourself and more than anyone else loves you, and that His decision is literally motivated by both perfect love and perfect wisdom.

I don’t want you to miss out on the amazing plans God has for your life, and God is even more passionate that you don’t miss them. My prayer for you today is that you really come to trust and understand His incredible love for you, and that you grow more and more confident in it so that you become more and more obedient when He tells you to do something, knowing that He is good and deeply loves you, and whatever He commands you is for your good.

Until next time, know your worth. -Natasha

“Don’t Cheat On Your Future Spouse” News!

Who remembers this:

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Well, read on 🙂

By the time I was sixteen, I became a pro at falling in infatuation with guys, and they were pros at falling out of infatuation with me.

The definition of infatuation is literally:

“an intense but short-lived passion or admiration for someone or something.”

But God redeemed my break up expertise and now, after being happily married for almost seven years, I have some wisdom to share so you can stop cheating on your future spouse and instead prepare for him or her.

Are you a single Christian waiting for a spouse? Have you tasted the waters of different men or women in search of “the one,” only to walk away thirsty? Is there a best way to prepare for your future husband or wife?

In this short, easy to grasp eBook, single Christians will learn how to not cheat on their future spouse, and how best to prepare for him or her.

If you’ve seen my “Don’t Cheat On Your Future Spouse” YouTube video and want to have a more in-depth and practical guide on this topic, Don’t Cheat On Your Future Spouse is for you!

Get it here on Amazon for Kindle eReader or for the free Kindle app.

Until next time, ladies, know your worth!

Author Interview for Kiss A Frog, Miss the Prince

Author, Natasha Sapienza has written an eBook, Kiss A Frog, Miss The Prince. In Kiss A Frog, Natasha discusses four types of “frogs” women get into relationships with before introducing them to the Perfect Prince and the Rescued Frog. With funny anecdotes and great advice, women discover how to discern frogs from true princes, and are encouraged to wait on God to write their real-life fairy tale.

Q: So when did you start becoming boy crazy?

N: The plague started in Kindergarten, from the moment I laid eyes on Bobby Well. I would keep record of all my boyfriends and in fifth grade alone I had sixteen. The number went down in high school, but I still managed to have ten during those four years.

 

Q: When did you become content with being single?
N: I was nineteen-years-old. February 21st, 2009, I had made a decision to let go of my ex because I knew God did not intend for us to be together. In fact, my ex was a very real obstacle in my relationship with Christ. After I surrendered that relationship, Jesus began to heal my heart and in literally six days, I was no longer crying, but was filled with joy and finally content in my singleness.

 

Q: How old were you when you met your “dream prince” as you call him?

N: It was actually quite soon after giving up my ex. I had prayed for a prophet to be placed in my path so I can receive a clear word from the Lord, because although I had been healed of a broken heart, I was still getting “signs” that were confusing me. “Maybe I am meant to be with my ex, just not right now. Or maybe I’m supposed to be with my other ex.” After only a week—if that—of praying for a prophet to be placed in my path, I was randomly invited to a church service that would be held at a college in Miami. I went, and the last person to be introduced by the pastor was, “Ricardo Strachan, a mighty prophet of the Lord!” I approached the prophet after the service and at once he said, “The Spirit of the Lord told me Satan has been confusing you in the area of relationships, but God said He’s going to make things clear for you very soon—very soon.” I met Jonathan, the man who is now my husband, on March 4th, 2009, not even two weeks after saying goodbye to my ex. And it was very clear.

 

Q: How did you meet your dream prince?

N: My older sister started telling me about this guy from her theatre program in college who she believed God wanted me to meet. I was content in my singleness and not looking to be in a relationship, but I invited him to come with his brother to where I attended service, and I invited my sister. Neither of them came, but Jonathan did so our first official meeting was at the building I went to service at—and the building we’d eventually walk down the aisle in.

Q: How long were you and your dream prince engaged before your wedding day?
N: We were boyfriend and girlfriend for a little over a year when Jonathan proposed. Knowing that God had called us to get married and not wanting to play with fire, we kept our engagement short (four months), so by a year and six months we said, “I do.”

 

Q: Why is your ministry called Better Than Prince Charming?
N: My husband actually came up with that name. A few times in our relationship, God reminded me of this bible verse: “It is better to take refuge in the LORD than to trust in princes.”-Psalm 118:9. So God is better than Prince Charming (who isn’t a devout Christian), and the man God has for you is also better than him.

 

Q: In Kiss A Frog, Miss the Prince, you talk about four types of “frogs” we ladies can get into relationships with. Have you been with all four of those kinds of frogs?

N: With my track record, yes, unfortunately I have been with the Infatuated Frog, Rebel Frog, Controlling Frog, and the Deceitful Frog—several times. I had this crazy notion that I was some sort of super woman who could save bad boys so I always ended up in relationships with guys who had serious issues.

 

Q: Which type of frog do you think is the worst?

N: They’re all quite slimy. The Controlling Frog can end up becoming abusive, and that’s certainly a horrible situation to find yourself in. They all use manipulation in some form, but the Deceitful Frog can be very emotionally damaging, causing trust issues that interfere with a woman’s ability to trust her future spouse. In my personal experience, the last frog was the worst. He was mostly an Infatuated Frog and a Rebel Frog, but I found that the heart break was worst with him because of how much I had let him in emotionally, physically, and spiritually. Not to say Christian men are absolutely perfect, but when a man is not following Christ, whether knowingly or unknowingly, he’s following Satan. Satan is all about serving self, whereas Christ is all about serving others. When you are in a relationship with a frog, no matter how good he makes you feel, he’s seeking to get his desires met, and this always leads to pain and heart ache. So opening your heart up to any frog in general is a path to brokenness and eventual destruction.

 

Q: Why do you think women date frogs?

N: Insecurity is a big reason, but the root is always a disconnect from Christ. When you do not know Love Himself intimately, you search for Him in other places. We are looking for closeness and affirmation, identity and purpose, and all of those precious treasures are hidden in Christ. Thus, they can only be experienced by those who are abiding in Him. Abiding as in choosing to pick up our cross, deny ourselves, and follow Him daily.

 

Q: Is the man dressed as a prince on the cover your husband?
N: How did you know?

 

Q: What age group of women do you think would benefit most from Kiss A Frog?

N: I believe single women of all ages can learn something helpful and receive encouragement from this book. Whether you’re a teenager and just starting to get into relationships, or a grown woman who’s had her share of relationships, I trust there’s something all single ladies can glean from.

Natasha Sapienza is a daughter of the King, a wife, and soon-to-be mother. She has written two eBooks, and is currently working on a YA fantasy trilogy. To learn more about her ministry, visit BetterThanPrinceCharming.com, or to check out Kiss A Frog, Miss The Prince, visit: http://www.amazon.com/Kiss-Frog-Prince-Natasha-Sapienza-ebook/dp/B00FDWY2G8

Marriage & Divorce Myths That Scare Singles Debunked

There’s lots of marriage myths infecting the minds and hearts of many singles. They hear “Christians are divorcing at the same rate as non-Christians,” and that “More than half of all marriages end in divorce.”

But the truth is, over 80% of married couples are still married to their first spouse and the vast majority says they are happy.

In Shaunti Feldhahn’s new book, The Good News About Marriage, she debunks marriage myths, having worked with Barna and conducted her own thorough surveys on married couples asking them many questions, and even she was surprised at the overwhelming positivity she discovered from these married couples.

If you’re single and afraid of marriage because your parents divorced, or you believe the lie that even Christians divorce as much as non-Christians, I really encourage you to check out Shaunti’s book. It really is good news for singles. And I can testify, being married myself, that I am very happy with me and hubby’s relationship and that as time goes by, our marriage just keeps getting sweeter. I’m extremely blessed and thankful to have Jonathan as a spouse, and I know I’m not alone. You don’t have to be either.

Have you been afraid of marriage? Would you like to share your thoughts? Feel free to leave a comment.

Red-flags When Getting To Know A Guy

Someone needed to read this, and to you I say please do not ignore your Heavenly Father’s warning.

Here are some red-flags men give that I thought about this morning:

• Quick tempered
• Gets angry over little things
• Uses drugs
• Cusses
• Controlling
• Listens to mostly secular music
• Gets drunk
• Disrespectful to his mother or father
• Still keeps in touch with his ex
• Has a girl “best friend”
• Rarely talks about God
• Talks a lot about himself
• Doesn’t know the bible
• Wants to hang out alone
• Compliments your appearance often

Real quick, I want to touch on a few of these. Why him having a girl best friend is a red-flag is because if you are eventually going to become his wife, you should be his only girl best friend. No woman needs to be that emotionally close to your man. That’s how feelings are messed with and let’s say you’re married and get into a fight and he calls her? See what I mean.

If he listens to secular music and prefers it over worship and Christian music, that means he doesn’t have a heart of worship toward God. He’s selfish and immature in his faith (if he even is a regenerated Christian), because he’d rather please his itching ears than his Holy God through worship which is a command. It is the essence of the true Christian; a heart of worship. If he does not care to worship God, does he really worship Him?

If he’s hot-headed, don’t ignore that. Anger issues means potential abuse issues, and if someone not going immediately after the light turns green causes him to blow a fuze, what will he do when the weight of marriage responsibilities presses down on him?

Opening your heart to a guy is one area you especially want to be cautious in. Because once you let him in, it’s extremely difficult to let him out. If the Holy Spirit churns within you at certain things he does, don’t ignore Him. Listen and run!

Did I miss any red-flags? Let me know in a comment.

The Lie Of “Loving Someone Vs Being In Love With Him/Her”

What does pretty much every romance movie portray about love:

1.) There has to be a strong physical attraction.

2.) You won’t be able to get the person off your mind (in other words, you’ll obsess over him/her).

3.) You won’t be able to keep your hands off the person.

4.) You’ll have great premarital sex.

This is what they call, “being in love.” And O, how many times I’ve bought this lie with ex-boyfriends and exchanged the powerful four-letter word. I’m sure you have too. If you haven’t yet, praise God, you’re extremely fortunate.

Now with this whole “being in love” nonsense, there comes another lie: love leaves.

Ever hear someone say, “I love you, but I’m just not in love with you anymore.” In other words, I don’t obsess over you anymore and don’t feel all those intense lustful feelings I once did for you.

First of all, that crazy intense passionate feeling we once felt for a person was not love. This is how the Apostle Paul defined it:

“But I say to the unmarried and to the widows: It is good for them if they remain even as I am; but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn [with passion]. (I Corinthians 7:8, 9)

Have you ever burned with lust? I have. Felt it all over my stomach and chest, it was consuming. Also felt it all over my body on my wedding night. What was I craving in that moment? To be touched.

Love isn’t unrestrained affection. That consuming fiery sensation is called lust, and of course it goes away, because when you get what you’ve desired, you’re satisfied for a while and then it gets old. Then you “fall in love” with someone else.

How about we get to what real love is?

1.) First off, it’s a choice.

Love isn’t some arbitrary mystical force that possesses you for a while and then vanishes once things get rough.

Love is God. God is love. Once we embrace Christ, who chooses us, He never leaves us or forsakes us. To say you’re in love with someone because you greatly lust after them is to call God a selfish pervert. (I’m not saying desire is wrong by the way. When in the right context, desire is beautiful and holy, i.e. when it is pure and then acted upon in marriage).

2.) Love isn’t earned, it’s given.

“Wow you’re really hot and when we hang out you make me feel super happy so I’m going to tell you I love you and seduce you so we can have sex and really show each other how much we love one another.”

Translation: “I get stuff from you that I like, and I want more of that stuff, so I’m going to suck you dry until I don’t ‘feel’ like I ‘love you’ anymore.”

Real love sounds like this:

Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails. (I Corinthians 13:4-8)

Love suffers long. That means if that brother loves you, he keeps his pants zipped and his hands off your secret areas even if it pains him to, honoring you because he cherishes you and knows you are a daughter of God who does not yet belong to him. He does not seek his own selfish gain i.e an orgasm, but he seeks what’s best for God and you, putting his own desires at bay until the proper time: marriage.

The Bible teaches in 1 Thessalonians 4:3-8:

For this is God’s will, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality, so that each of you knows how to control his own body in sanctification and honor, not with lustful desires, like the Gentiles who don’t know God. This means one must not transgress against and defraud his brother in this matter, because the Lord is an avenger of all these offenses, as we also previously told and warned you. For God has not called us to impurity but to sanctification. Therefore, the person who rejects this does not reject man, but God, who also gives you His Holy Spirit.

So while girls you know are getting used by their boyfriends and calling it love are telling you about how great their sex-life is, you can tell them what real love looks like and hopefully be able to show them when God puts you in the path of one of his godly princes, and that son of God cherishes you and respects you, showing you love by refraining from using your body and instead gets to know and protect your heart until God confirms to you both that you are to be married and on that night, he enjoys what he’s been lovingly waiting for.

Princess prayer: Heavenly Father, in the name of my King, Jesus, I ask that You help me tear down every lie about love that I have believed. I pray You enable me to keep my mind on You and wait for the man you have for me. Amen.