I No Longer Believe in “The One” Here’s Why…

I used to believe if you were called to marriage, God had someone specifically hand-picked just for you. But over time, I started questioning that belief. Today, it’s really official: I no longer believe there is one specific spouse that God “created for you.” I know this can be shocking to some, but hear me out…

Paul in 1 Corinthians 7:39 advises younger widows to remarry, saying:

“A wife is bound by law as long as her husband lives; but if her husband dies, she is at liberty to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord.”

If that’s not plain enough, Paul is saying she can marry ANY Christian brother she desires.

This verse made me remember that God has given us free will and that love is a choice! It is not something we have no control over, like some spell that’s cast upon us that we cannot break away from and must love only one specific person in this life. Do you know Jeremy Camp’s story? His first wife died of cancer not long after marriage and after grieving his loss, he eventually found himself another wife whom he now has children with.

The truth is, if the person is a brother in Christ, and you both love each other and desire each other, you won’t have to later worry, “Oh no, what if this wasn’t that one person God designed just for me? What if this person isn’t my ‘soul mate.'” Soul mates are a worldly idea. And a dangerous one if you think about it. Because that means if down the road, you aren’t happy with your spouse, you can say, “My husband must not be my soul mate. I need to move on and find my true soul mate so I can be truly happy.” I wonder how many spouses commit adultery and deceive themselves with the idea that it’s okay because their fellow adulterer is actually just their true soul mate.

Jesus told His followers, “You didn’t choose me, I chose you.” God doesn’t just love one person, He loves us all, and died for us all. But only those who ACCEPT that love are considered His “bride.” If you believed in soul mates, a brother can convince you you’re his soul mate, even if you don’t really desire to marry him. Then, when you get married, you can have doubts and wonder or even get angry at God like, “But God! I thought this was the man you had for me!”

Peter, led by the Spirit of God, in speaking to the Church, commanded:

Since you have purified your souls in obeying the truth through the Spirit in sincere love of the brethren, love one another fervently with a pure heart…”-1 Peter 1:22

He isn’t speaking to just husbands and wives, but he is telling all the believers to love each other fervently. If there’s a brother in Christ you love and respect and admire, and if he feels the same about you, then it’s okay to pursue marriage. HOWEVER, I will caution you to always practice wisdom before marrying someone. There’s two things you can do to have confidence in your decision of choosing a spouse.

First, find out if this brother is really a brother in Christ.

And how can you discover that? By listening to your Heavenly Father’s voice and comparing His Word on what a true child of His looks like, to that potential husband. Firstly, is he an open Christian? Does he openly confess to anyone that Jesus Christ is his Lord?

Second, does he portray fruits of the flesh, or fruits of the Holy Spirit:

“Now the works of the flesh are evident, which are: adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lewdness, idolatry, sorcery, hatred, contentions, jealousies, outbursts of wrath, selfish ambitions, dissensions, heresies, envy, murders, drunkenness, revelries, and the like; of which I tell you beforehand, just as I also told you in time past, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law. And those who are Christ’s have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.”-Galatians 5:19-24

Jesus said, “You will know them by their fruit.” Be honest in your comparison. Leave a little room for grace, since we’re not all that mature yet, and some have been more sanctified than others by walking longer with Jesus and having solid discipleship. BUT if the brother is JUSTIFYING any fleshly behaviors rather than actively trying to crucify them, and showing that he is growing, then you should back away.

Next, ask your Heavenly Dad if He gives His blessing.

Many of us know the tradition of a man having to ask a woman’s father for permission to marry his daughter. If a brother has made his intentions clear and is pursuing you, bring that to prayer and ask God what He thinks of this child of His. Would you be good together? Or does your Father have someone else in mind for you?

See, it’s two-fold. God knows you and that brother better than either of you know the other, or yourselves. Therefore, I believe God can foresee and knows if you two would be good for each other, or if there’s a better “match” for you. So know that if you go to God about one of His sons who is pursuing you, and God tells you “no,” you can trust that He knows best and has reasons why He prefers you don’t marry the brother. But if God gives you a clear “yes” then go for it! Don’t be afraid if God has given you His blessing. Just make sure you diligently seek Him and are sure He blessed it, rather than you just running forward because you really want to.

Third, don’t be deceived by the lust of the eyes.

Just because someone looks good, doesn’t mean he is good. And just because someone doesn’t look that good, doesn’t mean you won’t deem him amazing down the road. Yes, I’m advocating that you give the lesser attractive brother a chance. If there’s a brother in Christ who really loves the Lord in action, it’s not just lip service, and he brings you joy and you admire his relationship with the Lord, and he really wants you to give him a chance, then give him one! If after a few outings and spending time together serving, you don’t find yourself starting to desire him, then IT’S OKAY to let him know you still just want to remain friends. You’re NOT leading him on if you let him know off the bat that he can try to win your heart, but you’re NOT making ANY promises.

This may sound weird, but sisters, this is how most men operate. They are natural-born fighters and you better believe if a man really wants a woman to be his wife, he WILL fight the battle of winning her heart. If his strength is in the Lord, if he loses that battle, he will get back up again and find someone else. That’s not your business or burden. But if you give him a chance, you might be surprised just how much you end up loving and desiring him to be the man you not only spend the rest of your life with, but raise up godly children with. Because remember, whoever you allow to have you as a wife, he will someday be the father of your children. Is he worthy? Will he truly raise them up in a way that’ll please God?

So don’t let the excuse of waiting for your soul mate hold you back. If no guy is pursuing, well, that’s on them, and it COULD partly be on you. Go to your Perfect Daddy in Heaven and ask Him why no one is pursuing you. Ask Him to please show you and reveal to you clearly what is going on. Trust your Daddy. He loves His daughter and may know you aren’t ready. Maybe there’s a few things He wants to work on first. I believe God will give you your hearts desire if you wish to marry a godly brother. Just keep praying AND listening to your Daddy. His timing and will are PERFECT!

Much love!

Dear Ex, I Never Really Loved You

Worldly “love” comes natural. It’s that Eros “love.” It’s erotic, sensual, and highly appeals to the flesh and the emotions. I’ve fallen in this kind of “love” with several guys. And the more physically and emotionally intimate I was with the guy, the more “in love” I thought I was.

No no. I didn’t think I was in love. I was convinced I was in love. But praise Jesus, His Spirit taught me what real love looks like.

See, the Eros love is how people who don’t truly know Christ love. They do not have His Spirit within them, so they love in a purely human and unspiritual way. This love is broken, limited, and extremely harmful. This love is desperately selfish, even when it looks like it isn’t. This love craves what the other person has to give; their attention, their affection, their adoration, their body. This love stems from the heart that is consumed with Self. A heart that is concerned about its own happiness, not the other’s true well-being. And that is why it is dangerous. Because it is not pure love. It is earthly, sensual—dare I say—demonic.

The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?-Jeremiah 17:9

If before surrendering to Christ, the human heart is deceitful and desperately wicked how on earth can it deny its true nature and love another in a pure way? A godly way? The answer is simple: it can’t.

But when a heart is given to Christ and regenerated by the indwelling of His Holy Spirit, now this heart can love in the agape way. The unconditional, selfless, pure, sacrificial way.

Firstly, the regenerated heart is no longer seeking to please Self, but God. This new heart prompts the Christian to delve into the Scriptures and get to know God’s heart. This heart is powerful because the Holy Spirit now lives within it and causes it to be like and obey God.

Before I surrendered my heart to Christ on February 22nd, 2009, I truly thought I loved my ex more than anyone. I believed that because I felt such intense burning desire for him, thought about him often, and wanted to see him all the time, I loved him.

This wasn’t love. I was like a human leech, sucking whatever I could out of my ex because it pleased MY flesh. It made ME feel good. I was addicted to him, not in love with him, because like a drug, he gave my flesh a good high.

But after giving my heart to Jesus, things changed. I’ve been married for almost four years (September 10th <3), and hubby and I don’t fight anymore. I mention this first because in so many worldly relationships fights are natural and usually often. Outbursts of wrath is a fruit of the flesh. You get upset because in that moment, your boyfriend isn’t making YOU happy. Your Self acts out because it’s currently not getting a good high.

But with hubby, now of there’s ever any tension, one of us lovingly submits, and the one who was thinking selfishly at the moment quickly repents and there is immediate peace, which is a fruit of the Holy Spirit. I give in to him, he gives in to me, and without a fight. We just lovingly give ourselves and this evades conflict. It’s not all about what I want to do and it’s not all about what Jonathan wants to do. We understand one another and are 99% of the time, gentle toward each other, which is another fruit of the Holy Spirit.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law. (‭Galatians‬ ‭5‬:‭22-23‬ NKJV)

When two people have the Holy Spirit, and are letting Him lead, this is the outcome. Real love doesn’t have moments of feeling good, it is good. Sacrifice isn’t this painful, horrible notion that is never even conceived of. Sacrifice is given freely because we seek the well-being and benefit of the other—not ourself.

It’s extremely tragic when Christians are in worldly relationships. It begs the question: do you really have the Holy Spirit in you, because the fruits of your relationship are fleshly. They look just like the world, except maybe they attend a weekly service or two together.

My prayer is that Christians in a worldly relationship will repent. It will certainly hurt their selfish flesh, because the relationship can be so pleasing to it at times, but in the long run, they’ll spare not only their souls from judgement (because being in sinful and hurtful relationships isn’t pleasing to God), but will be free to experience true love, agape love. And when you begin loving someone in a Christ-like way, and he or she loves you likewise, you’ll understand what you’ve been missing all this time.

Me and Sir Jonathan’s TRUE supernatural love story is now on Wattpad!

I quickly tossed the bags in a bin by the counter as Chris did the same, and then turned to leave.

“Wait,” he said.

I halted, my heart beginning to pound, and then slowly faced him. He stepped forward, his deep, brown eyes rapt on me. And without any more warning, he took my face in his hands and pressed his supple lips against mine. My muscles tensed and I froze. Is this really happening right now? I closed my eyes, even though doing so felt like a crime. His kiss held much of the same weakening effect it had on me last time, but anxiety combated some of it. The fear of getting hurt again gripped me just as much as his kiss did.

After a very long moment he released me. “I really like you, Natasha…a lot.”

I blinked at him, my tongue still frozen. Thoughts fumbled around my mind in a drunken stupor despite having not drank. Did he just say-but how-I thought he-Heat filled my cheeks as I smiled. Maybe now isn’t the time to process Chris’s antics. He returned the gesture. But surprisingly, it wasn’t that pleased/amused smile. It was…different. It looked tender, genuine…


“You scared me,” I said.

“I’m sorry.” Dace slid his hands onto my hips and kissed me.

I caressed the back of his head, my heartbeat slowing as I pressed my body closer to his. His warm torso felt like stone. I pulled back and peered into his eyes.

“There’s something so mystical about you.” Dace stared with a passion that seared into the depths of me.

“Mystical? How so?”

“Just the way you move or don’t move. There’s a charm about you that I’ve never seen before.”
—-
The Phantom Lover, the Dark Angel, and the Dream Prince.

My name is Natasha, and this is my true, supernatural love story.

The way me and Jonathan came together is nothing short of supernatural. It sounds like a YA fiction novel so I decided why not write it in the style of one? It’s written in first-person point of view, and you’re experiencing my relationships as I experienced them. You get to be in my teenage head, and as if watching a Netflix show unfold, you’ll go on a journey from my first love at seventeen-years-old to meeting my true love at nineteen. But before you get to enjoy my happy ending, strap on your seatbelt, because I take you through the rollercoaster I experienced in the two relationships leading up to my last and present one.

Are you ready?

Start reading my ongoing, true, supernatural love story absolutely free on Wattpad now. 

One Way to Be More Attractive to a Guy

I can’t say I know what every guy is attracted to in a woman. But I do know something you can work on beforehand that’ll make you more attractive to any guy.

Slash self-absorption.

If you’re super anxious, really insecure, have health issues that just consume you, that’s not only people repellant, but it’s unhealthy for you as well.

Now it is good to be self aware. It is good to know if you’re struggling with depression or are fearful or have ailments. It’s important to take care of yourself. But when it absorbs you, that’s when it’s destructive to yourself and your relationships.

For example: there’s a girl I met a few months ago. We exchanged numbers and ever since, it’s always been requests for help. I’ve helped her out from Christian love, but I realized that literally is our entire relationship: her needing/wanting help and talking about all her ailments. She didn’t know I was pregnant for a while until I offered her the information. She actually never asks me anything about myself–ever. She would know nothing about me if I never volunteered sharing. Her health issues have made her completely self-absorbed. And I see she has unknowingly pushed away family and loved ones. It’s really sad and I pity her, but what we have is a one-sided friendship.

And no guy wants to be in that kind of relationship where self pity on your end is the consummation of your conversations.

Relationships are mutual. You can begin self-reflecting and observing how you are with others by reading text message conversations, listening to yourself when you’re hanging out with your friends to see if it’s all about you, etc. If it is, seek to change that by learning more about God and what He has to say about life via the Bible, first the New Testament). It’s amazing how freeing His perspective is.

Now there’s also the opposite side of the spectrum: when you keep it all in and only listen to others, but never or rarely share. Again, relationships are mutual, so open up. Ask questions and answer them, too. I think shyness isn’t entirely who someone is, but more so, it’s someone who’s afraid to share who they are for whatever reason. Typically, it’s what the Bible calls, “the fear of man.”

You fear what people are going to think of you. Or you’re not sure if you can trust them. Whatever the case, don’t let shyness be a roadblock in your relationships. Yes, it’s something that takes effort to overcome, but it all comes back to getting to know God and His love. Once you begin understanding how deeply you’re loved by God, you’ll grow less and less afraid of getting hurt or rejected by others, and your relationships will flourish.

Feel free to leave a comment if this resonated with you.

Xo!

Hope Nuggets for Single Girls

Don’t wait for a guy to complete you. No imperfect human can. But the perfect Son of God promises He will fulfill you. Why wait for tomorrow when it isn’t promised to you? Seek Jesus today and discover that life-transforming truth. 

Don’t wait for a guy to come into your life. Pursue Jesus right now and discover how much more amazing He is than any and every guy you’ll ever meet.

Do you wish you were in a loving romantic relationship, getting to know and fall in love with a guy? Well you can do that right now. Open your bible and get to know and fall in love with the perfect guy, Jesus. 

These may sound cliche, but they really shouldn’t. Seriously, who is better than Jesus? Who is more loving, kind, compassionate, incredible, powerful, gentle, and wise? What guy really compares to Jesus? If you’re unsure, then you don’t know Jesus like you think you do. If He hasn’t captivated your heart yet, if He isn’t enough for you, you likely don’t know Him well and thus aren’t experiencing Him very much and not living out this incredible reality that HE IS REAL AND WORDS CAN’T DESCRIBE HOW EPIC HE IS!

But the good news is you don’t have to travel anywhere to meet up with Him. You don’t have to schedule an appointment, ask Him to make time for you. All you have to do is talk to Him, ASK Him to show Himself to you, to help you know Him, and then open up your Bible and seek Him out. Read about Him. See what He said and did. I promise He will impress you like no other guy on this planet ever can. He is worth giving lots of attention to. I pray instead of fixing your eyes on that hot guy from that show you love, or daydreaming about that swoon-worthy character from that book, you look to the REAL-DEAL who offers Himself to you, free of charge, 24/7.

blog_love_natasha

Are you praying about your relationship?

Yesterday at church service, the pastor quoted an amazing Christian woman, Corrie ten Boom:

“Is prayer your steering wheel, or your spare tire?”

There are countless bible verses about how God specifically has plans for people, and directs them…but, there’s a condition: they must SEEK His plan. That means God has a plan even for your relationships and especially for who you marry.

Early early on, me and Jonathan sought God for our relationship. Four months in, Jonathan really gave Him the steering wheel.

We began to pray and ask God about if He wanted us to get married. There were three times in particular that I cried (literally was crying) out to God about speaking to me on if I should be with Jonathan or not. Even though I loved Jonathan so much and believed he was who God wanted me to be with, I obeyed Proverbs 3:6-9, which says to trust in God with all your heart and to not to lean on your own understanding, but to acknowledge Him in all of your ways so that He can direct your paths.

Trust in God is more than saying you trust Him and believing that you trust Him. It is actually going to Him for advice, listening to that advice, and then applying it. Real trust is doing whatever God tells you to do, and great trust is listening to and obeying Him even when you don’t FEEL like it. 

So, my honest to God best advice I can give you precious princesses is to really really seek God by:

a) asking Him to really speak to you on if you should continue in this relationship or not/ask if this is really the man God wants you to marry and

b) ask God to make it clear to you by speaking clearly to you through the Bible. Go to your bible, open it, and ask God to speak, and I promise you, when you do that, suddenly those words become very very specific and personal to what you’re going through and you just KNOW God is speaking to you. Then,

c) once you have heard Him speak, you obey. You apply whatever it is He told you to do and TRUST that He TRULY knows BEST, better than you; that unlike you, He can see the future, and knows the very BEST path for your life.

Another good test of your trust is to see if you’re afraid of whatever God’s answer may be. It might be to stay with the guy, but it may be to not stay with Him. Can you trust that despite whatever the answer is, God knows best, and EVERY decision and plan He has for you is truly for YOUR best interest as well as everyone else’s who’s involved, and that God LOVES you more than you love yourself and more than anyone else loves you, and that His decision is literally motivated by both perfect love and perfect wisdom.

I don’t want you to miss out on the amazing plans God has for your life, and God is even more passionate that you don’t miss them. My prayer for you today is that you really come to trust and understand His incredible love for you, and that you grow more and more confident in it so that you become more and more obedient when He tells you to do something, knowing that He is good and deeply loves you, and whatever He commands you is for your good.

Until next time, know your worth. -Natasha

How to Know If Your Guy is Really a Christian

Last night a seventeen-year-old girl asked me, “How do I know if he isn’t really a Christian?”

Requirements of a true Christ-follower:

1.) He must confess Jesus is Lord, and believe in his heart that God raised Him from the dead.

And listen closely to what comes out of the guy’s mouth, for what’s in a person’s heart, eventually comes out of his mouth. Does he talk more about himself, or Jesus? Is he always talking about what he wants to do, or what God is leading him to do? Is he always talking about some material thing, or a business, or something of the world that he loves? He who loves the world, “does not have the love of the Father in him (1 John 2:15),” and whoever makes himself a friend of the world, “makes himself an enemy of God (James 4:4).” Does he love his car and all his possessions and hobbies and career etc., but hardly talks about Jesus moving in his life, and serving Jesus, and living for Jesus?

2.) In addition to loving Jesus and his neighbor, he must love other Christians.

But, love isn’t tolerance, acceptance, and whatever makes you happy; that’s how the world, how non-believers, define love. But true love is laid out in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8, and is most clearly displayed by Jesus Christ Himself. The Bible says God is love, and that Jesus Christ is the visible image of the invisible God, that all of God’s fullness lived in Christ.

If you wanna know a man belongs to Jesus, the man must love like Jesus loved.

And Jesus loved the church–anyone who trusts in Him and confesses He is Lord–so much, that Jesus died for them. If this man hates Christians, He is not a son of God, because although we aren’t perfect, God loves us and gave His only Son for us. If this man is hostile to Christians, the love of Jesus is not in him.

3.) He must bear good fruit, i.e., good works that prove he genuinely knows and has Jesus.

Galatians 5 tells us what “the deeds of the flesh” look like, versus what the “fruits of the Holy Spirit” look like. Read over that chapter and see which fruit this guy displays more of. 

Precious sisters, be wise. There are MANY wolves in sheep’s clothing. There are many children of the devil “disguised as workers of light.” 

Our enemy prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.

However much knowledge you have of the Bible is as much knowledge you have about Jesus.

Jesus is literally the fulfillment of every Old Testament prophecy and everything we need to know about Him, who He is, what He’s done, what He thinks of us and desires for us, what He has in store for our future and the future of the entire world, is all in the Bible.

Get to know God just as you get to know the guy you’re really into. Listen to Jesus as you listen to this guy talk, whether it be for hours as you hang out in person, or over the phone. Spend time with Jesus like you do with this guy. Make time for Jesus as you make time for this guy. Drop things for Jesus as you drop things for this guy.

Following Jesus is simple and it all starts with getting to know Him. 

Until next time, know your worth.

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