Dear Ex, I Never Really Loved You

Worldly “love” comes natural. It’s that Eros “love.” It’s erotic, sensual, and highly appeals to the flesh and the emotions. I’ve fallen in this kind of “love” with several guys. And the more physically and emotionally intimate I was with the guy, the more “in love” I thought I was.

No no. I didn’t think I was in love. I was convinced I was in love. But praise Jesus, His Spirit taught me what real love looks like.

See, the Eros love is how people who don’t truly know Christ love. They do not have His Spirit within them, so they love in a purely human and unspiritual way. This love is broken, limited, and extremely harmful. This love is desperately selfish, even when it looks like it isn’t. This love craves what the other person has to give; their attention, their affection, their adoration, their body. This love stems from the heart that is consumed with Self. A heart that is concerned about its own happiness, not the other’s true well-being. And that is why it is dangerous. Because it is not pure love. It is earthly, sensual—dare I say—demonic.

The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?-Jeremiah 17:9

If before surrendering to Christ, the human heart is deceitful and desperately wicked how on earth can it deny its true nature and love another in a pure way? A godly way? The answer is simple: it can’t.

But when a heart is given to Christ and regenerated by the indwelling of His Holy Spirit, now this heart can love in the agape way. The unconditional, selfless, pure, sacrificial way.

Firstly, the regenerated heart is no longer seeking to please Self, but God. This new heart prompts the Christian to delve into the Scriptures and get to know God’s heart. This heart is powerful because the Holy Spirit now lives within it and causes it to be like and obey God.

Before I surrendered my heart to Christ on February 22nd, 2009, I truly thought I loved my ex more than anyone. I believed that because I felt such intense burning desire for him, thought about him often, and wanted to see him all the time, I loved him.

This wasn’t love. I was like a human leech, sucking whatever I could out of my ex because it pleased MY flesh. It made ME feel good. I was addicted to him, not in love with him, because like a drug, he gave my flesh a good high.

But after giving my heart to Jesus, things changed. I’ve been married for almost four years (September 10th <3), and hubby and I don’t fight anymore. I mention this first because in so many worldly relationships fights are natural and usually often. Outbursts of wrath is a fruit of the flesh. You get upset because in that moment, your boyfriend isn’t making YOU happy. Your Self acts out because it’s currently not getting a good high.

But with hubby, now of there’s ever any tension, one of us lovingly submits, and the one who was thinking selfishly at the moment quickly repents and there is immediate peace, which is a fruit of the Holy Spirit. I give in to him, he gives in to me, and without a fight. We just lovingly give ourselves and this evades conflict. It’s not all about what I want to do and it’s not all about what Jonathan wants to do. We understand one another and are 99% of the time, gentle toward each other, which is another fruit of the Holy Spirit.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law. (‭Galatians‬ ‭5‬:‭22-23‬ NKJV)

When two people have the Holy Spirit, and are letting Him lead, this is the outcome. Real love doesn’t have moments of feeling good, it is good. Sacrifice isn’t this painful, horrible notion that is never even conceived of. Sacrifice is given freely because we seek the well-being and benefit of the other—not ourself.

It’s extremely tragic when Christians are in worldly relationships. It begs the question: do you really have the Holy Spirit in you, because the fruits of your relationship are fleshly. They look just like the world, except maybe they attend a weekly service or two together.

My prayer is that Christians in a worldly relationship will repent. It will certainly hurt their selfish flesh, because the relationship can be so pleasing to it at times, but in the long run, they’ll spare not only their souls from judgement (because being in sinful and hurtful relationships isn’t pleasing to God), but will be free to experience true love, agape love. And when you begin loving someone in a Christ-like way, and he or she loves you likewise, you’ll understand what you’ve been missing all this time.

Ladies, Who Should You Fight For?

Sisters, do you view Jesus as someone totally worth living for, worth listening to and obeying, worth spending time with; worth loving? 

We love because He first loved us. Love literally is not possible in a world where Jesus does not exist. He showed us what love is and it’s Him! Plain and simple: God is love, Jesus and God are one. Outside of them, there is no perfect love. (1 John 4:16-19)

That means there isn’t a single human being on the planet–including yourself–who can “complete” or fulfill or love you sufficiently. 

True love paid the price to forever love you perfectly. Jesus died so if you stopped looking elsewhere for love, and instead trusted in His love, you can be forgiven for every single sin you’ve ever done or thought, and be freely welcomed into heaven where He will faithfully love you for all eternity! 

If He isn’t worthy, then who or what is more worthy than Him? What or who deserves more devotion and attention? 

I’ve been getting this conviction more and more to live to please Jesus. The world, movies, books, TV shows, music, it’s the most popular message out now: you should be pleased, you are number one. Humanism is really all about the human and his or her goodness and worthiness. The problem is, who in the world decides what’s good and why, and who is worthy and why? 

God is the whole reason behind morality. Without God, morality will eventually crumble and decay until there’s nothing left of it. Don’t believe me? Take a look at our society and how much we’ve fallen. We are now becoming evermore what this biblical prophecy described would happen in the last times:

You should know this, Timothy, that in the last days there will be very difficult times. For people will love only themselves and their money. They will be boastful and proud, scoffing at God, disobedient to their parents, and ungrateful. They will consider nothing sacred. They will be unloving and unforgiving; they will slander others and have no self-control. They will be cruel and hate what is good. They will betray their friends, be reckless, be puffed up with pride, and love pleasure rather than God. They will act religious, but they will reject the power that could make them godly. Stay away from people like that!They are the kind who work their way into people’s homes and win the confidence of vulnerable women who are burdened with the guilt of sin and controlled by various desires.(Such women are forever following new teachings, but they are never able to understand the truth.)-2 Timothy 33:1-7

Today I will fight the devil and my own selfish desires that shout, “Live for you! Do what you want!” And instead, I will fight to love and please Jesus. Will you?

Is Modesty the Best Policy?

There’s a new phenomenon in American fashion: super-duper, bottom-of-butt-cheek short-shorts and midriff-exposing shirts. To many of us ladies, it’s all just cute. We walk around like baby unicorns rather than the enticing mares we are. We are, after all, women, not little girls. (Click to Tweet)

However, I’m preachin’ to the Christian woman.

Girl, I first of all commend you for professing Christ in a time where it is beyond taboo to do so. There’s so much mockery and disrespect out their toward Jesus and His children. It takes guts to claim Him as Lord so again, for that, I commend you, sister. Keep it up, for He who confesses Christ before others, Christ will likewise confess before His Heavenly Father on the day you face them (Matthew 10:32-33).

Remember how deeply Jesus loves you and how patient He is with you. But He’s patient because there’s something He’s waiting for: our sanctification. God doesn’t save us just so we can go to heaven as is. He saves us as is to give us access to heaven, but He also transforms us in the process. But it’s a relationship that goes both ways.

There’s things I’ve done to annoy my husband and displease him. And there’s things my husband has done to annoy and displease me. What looks like greater love: if I say, “Well suck it up and take the good with the bad.” Or instead, “I hear you, love, I’ll work on it because I want to make you happy.”

If Jesus says, “Immodesty displeases Me, but modesty makes Me happy,” what would your response be?

And Jesus DIED FOR YOU. He gave us everything so if He wants us to cover up some, will we die? Well, Jesus did command us to take up our cross, deny ourselves and follow Him (Matthew 16:24-26). And the Bible speaks of “crucifying our flesh.” (Galatians 5:24)

There will certainly be many times as a daughter of God where Heavenly Daddy will say, “Don’t do this, don’t do that. I want you to do this, I want you to do that,” and those commands will be hard; they will take some sacrifice–sacrificing our pride and our desires.

It’s preached incessantly by the world, “Do what makes YOU happy.” But as a daughter of God, as a Christian, we are commanded the opposite: deny yourself, crucify your selfish desires, don’t just look out for your own interests, but for the interests of others as well (Philippians 2:4); love even your enemies (Matthew 5:43-48).

Still wanna be a daughter of God?

Did I tell you JESUS DIED FOR YOU? If someone dies for you and will literally take you by the hand and pick you up whenever you fall, countlessly forgiving you and taking you back, and then lead you to heaven’s gates where He will love you for all eternity with a perfect love, is it really too much to ask to live a life that’s devoted to loving Him back?

“If You love Me, keep My commandments. And I will pray the Father, and He will give you another Helper, that He may abide with you forever—the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it neither sees Him nor knows Him; but you know Him, for He dwells with you and will be in you.(John 14:15-17)

Did ya catch that? Jesus tells us to obey His very difficult commandments, but then immediately after, He promises that He will give us a Helper to help us obey! And this Spirit will show us the truth and literally live inside of us so we can walk it out!

Ah, indeed, there is no God like our God. And that, my sweet sister, is why you should pursue modesty.

 

Know your worth,

Natasha ❤


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Me and Sir Jonathan’s TRUE supernatural love story is now on Wattpad!

I quickly tossed the bags in a bin by the counter as Chris did the same, and then turned to leave.

“Wait,” he said.

I halted, my heart beginning to pound, and then slowly faced him. He stepped forward, his deep, brown eyes rapt on me. And without any more warning, he took my face in his hands and pressed his supple lips against mine. My muscles tensed and I froze. Is this really happening right now? I closed my eyes, even though doing so felt like a crime. His kiss held much of the same weakening effect it had on me last time, but anxiety combated some of it. The fear of getting hurt again gripped me just as much as his kiss did.

After a very long moment he released me. “I really like you, Natasha…a lot.”

I blinked at him, my tongue still frozen. Thoughts fumbled around my mind in a drunken stupor despite having not drank. Did he just say-but how-I thought he-Heat filled my cheeks as I smiled. Maybe now isn’t the time to process Chris’s antics. He returned the gesture. But surprisingly, it wasn’t that pleased/amused smile. It was…different. It looked tender, genuine…


“You scared me,” I said.

“I’m sorry.” Dace slid his hands onto my hips and kissed me.

I caressed the back of his head, my heartbeat slowing as I pressed my body closer to his. His warm torso felt like stone. I pulled back and peered into his eyes.

“There’s something so mystical about you.” Dace stared with a passion that seared into the depths of me.

“Mystical? How so?”

“Just the way you move or don’t move. There’s a charm about you that I’ve never seen before.”
—-
The Phantom Lover, the Dark Angel, and the Dream Prince.

My name is Natasha, and this is my true, supernatural love story.

The way me and Jonathan came together is nothing short of supernatural. It sounds like a YA fiction novel so I decided why not write it in the style of one? It’s written in first-person point of view, and you’re experiencing my relationships as I experienced them. You get to be in my teenage head, and as if watching a Netflix show unfold, you’ll go on a journey from my first love at seventeen-years-old to meeting my true love at nineteen. But before you get to enjoy my happy ending, strap on your seatbelt, because I take you through the rollercoaster I experienced in the two relationships leading up to my last and present one.

Are you ready?

Start reading my ongoing, true, supernatural love story absolutely free on Wattpad now. 

Is Christianity the Most Beautiful Religion?

Christianity is soooo beautifully simple AND practical!

If one were to just read the book of Matthew or John to see what Jesus said and did, or read one of Paul’s letters to the early church, Colossians, or Philippians, you’d see how…different Christianity is from other religions which are huge on either mystical, elusive, and abstract concepts and thoughts, or food-chain, climb-the-ladder type exaltation of participants, or severe bodily rejection and repetitious, ritualistic behaviors.

But not Biblical Christianity. Not the Christianity you find when you read the New Testament. The admonition and commands on how we ought to love one another and what that looks like practically are just so easy to grasp and refreshing and totally sensical and observable.

Indeed, it’s not like, dare I say, reincarnation, a mystical, never before observed idea. Even Christianity’s claims of resurrection from the dead has been observed time and again throughout history with people praying in Jesus’ name for life to return to someone who died and then it does.

So all this to say, I love the whole of Christianity, of what its Founder, Jesus, teaches. If there is anything more beautiful, more good for mankind, please, show me. It is for such teachings as these that I am totally unashamed to say I follow Jesus and His ways as recorded in the Bible:

“Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony. And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful. Let the message about Christ, in all its richness, fill your lives. Teach and counsel each other with all the wisdom he gives. Sing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs to God with thankful hearts. And whatever you do or say, do it as a representative of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through him to God the Father.” –‭‭Colossians‬ ‭3:12-17‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Don’t worry about what people may think if you proclaim to be a Christian. There’s nothing to be ashamed of. Our God is so good and wonderful. Get to know Him better so your confidence in that fact can be assured and you can more boldly share His love unabashedly with others. At the end of the day, it isn’t about whether or not someone likes you, it’s whether or not you loved Jesus and that person despite.

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