Now I’m preaching to the prego/baby mamas. Oh, and non-virgins too



I believe 100% in saving yourself till marriage and with plenty reason. Ladies, you are priceless. Your body is priceless. Don’t buy into the lie that it’s just common and if you already have, get your money back. Forget the music videos, songs, television shows and films that scream otherwise. Sadly, they’ve forgotten their own value and try to encourage you to do the same.

Speaking of value, if your bodies weren’t such invaluable gems, why do you have to pay to get into strip-clubs? Or why is pornography a $97 billion industry globally as of September 2017? Why create the term, “sex sells”?

I was at work and got into a short conversation with a guest. I told him a little about my then-book-in-progress and before I continued he said, “Well, just put sex in it ‘cause sex sells.” Mind you, he was at least sixty-five-years-old. If grandpa’s talking like this, no one is in the dark about the media’s views. They know your unique bodies are worth paying for to see, and use you as a means to profit.

I had a horrific dream this morning. There was a young girl, maybe fourteen-years-old, sitting on a bed. An older man, I would say in his late-fifties/early-sixties was fondling her bare breasts. It was so disturbing, it woke me up. Now hear me out: although hopefully this has never happened to you, literally, this is what happens in the minds of men that see you if you simply present yourself in a seductive or revealing way. Don’t believe me? Ask a few honest men you know what goes on in their mind when they see a woman with cleavage showing, or her stomach out, or wearing short-shorts.

You don’t think men that are up there in the fifties, sixties and higher think the same way? Especially old men who probably don’t get as much “action” as the younger ones.

There was a regular who would come into the restaurant I used to work for. He was definitely in his mid-seventies. I’d had some shallow conversations with him and even a deep one on faith. One day, he saw me out of my work clothes when I came in to pick up my tip-share. I wasn’t showing cleavage or wearing anything short, but being somewhat well-endowed, my top revealed this fact more than my blazer does. Despite him knowing I was a Christian and married, he said to me, “I never knew you had such big knockers,” or something of that nature. Pretty much every guy on the planet, even the ones that don’t want to, have raped women in their minds.

Now, to their defense and to our shame, some of the women wanted their attention, although honestly, I don’t think many of them consider that’s what is going on in these mens’ minds when they’re staring. But back to the main point: there’s something in our hearts that knows a woman shouldn’t flaunt her stuff out there for every Tom, Dick and Harry to see. We as women can especially relate to the idea of being with one man for the rest of our lives. Imagine with me for a moment this scenario:

A little girl watches a classic princess fairy tale and then desires a prince. As she grows up, Mommy and Daddy teach her how a prince should treat her.  She believes them, because she sees the way Daddy treats Mommy and thinks, “That’s how my prince is going to be.” She now grows into a young adult. Boys at school show interest, but she doesn’t want to waste her time on toads for she knows her prince is somewhere out there, cutting through thorn-bushes and slaying dragons just to get to her. She decides instead to focus on other things, and on preparing herself for her knight when he comes.

She is now a young woman. She is content with life and pursuing her dreams. Without searching, one day her prince arrives, a sweet surprise to her already wonderful life. They fall in love, but he vows he won’t break her chastity until he’s asked for her hand and honored her in marriage. His promise remains solid and on the night of their wedding day, she finally gives herself to a man.

If you could go back and choose this road instead of whatever road you’re on, would you?

“But Natasha, get real: none of us can go back in time and besides, that stuff only happens in a perfect world and unfortunately, we’re not in one.”

You’re right on both points, but even though you can’t change your past, you can change your present and even your future. And although our world is not perfect, I know a God who is and who promises, “As far as the east is from the west, so far have I removed your transgressions from you,” (Psalms 103:12) and, “Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow,” (Isaiah 1:18).

Even if you have a child (or a few), and have been abandoned by the child’s father, or it just didn’t work out with him, you are not a hopeless cause and you are not unlovable. God has a funny way of making those who know Him, like Him. I know women who have had children and then they get their prince. I also know a woman who was planning on saving herself till marriage, but got convinced by some wolf in sheep’s clothing that she should give herself to him. After the fact, he used her and then moved on. Later, she met her husband and discovered he had saved himself for her. She felt horrible, but her husband did not hold it against her or even get angry with her. She didn’t need his forgiveness because in his eyes, she was still his woman and if God could forgive them both for their past, he was going to do the same. She however, struggled with forgiving herself although thankfully, over time her heart was healed and she was able to. I even know a few people who discovered they had AIDS and believed they would never find someone who would accept them and marry them, but they both are happily married.

By the grace of God, I was blessed enough to lose my virginity to my husband on the night of our wedding. But I tell you, before I was eighteen-and-a-half, I would have had it otherwise.

I almost lost my virginity to the guy I had just months before I met my husband. Three times I tried to have sex with my ex and every time it failed. Talk about divine intervention. I swore my ex was the one and I would never find someone better, someone that could make me feel the way he did, love me like he did.

I was wrong.

Jonathan stepped in and it truly was love at first sight—at least on the physical “eros” level. There’s three kinds of love: eros, phileo, and agape, but I’ll delve into that more maybe later.

Within less than two weeks, I knew I was going to marry Jonathan. Don’t believe me? I have the diary entry to prove it. But although I hadn’t saved myself completely for my prince charming (I did have oral sex and was sexually active in other ways before him), I had a change of heart by the time we did meet. I knew I wanted to be chaste until marriage and whoever that man was, he was going to have to wait. Sure enough, he did wait, and that night was so much more amazing than it would have been had I decided to do it earlier.

What I loved about waiting is that now, after the fact, I trust my husband so much more. Instead of being Inspector Gadget, having to spy on my husband and check his phone, I know that he waited for me, a woman he loved like no other before her, even though it was extremely difficult, and that his love for God and me was greater than his lust and he was able to control himself.

Now, if we had sex beforehand, I wouldn’t have that friendly reminder. Aside from that, I know he really loves me for me, not my body or how I make him feel. Our love goes way beyond the physical and now, since we were that committed to each other before the, “I do,” we are that much more committed in marriage, being ahead of the race for strong and lasting marriages. So, I ask you now: if you are able to have a scenario like mine, will you choose to?