Single Ladies: Why You Don’t Need a Man

Single sisters:
What if Jesus spoke to you and said, “Daughter, you are free to marry a son of mine, but My plan for you is to be single so you can serve Me without distraction, and if you take up this cross, I will be able to use you more in bringing many to Myself.” What would you choose?

Sometimes, we believe the lie that we NEED a husband. As daughters of God, we don’t NEED anyone, but Him.

The woman caught in adultery and the woman at the well thought they needed validation and affection from a man, but after their encounter with the Perfect God-Man, Jesus, they focused on following Him. Many of the women who followed Jesus appeared to be single, including Mary Magdalene. Did she marry after His death? I don’t know. But given the testimony about her, and her witness in Scripture, I won’t be surprised if she never did marry. Yet, she is forever recorded in history as a faithful follower of Jesus who loved Him and was worthy to be remembered throughout all of the ages.

Now some may be thinking, “Easy for you to say, you’re happily married!” But I know it’s possible, because I know a modern-day Mary, my sister, Natalia. She has been divorced for almost seven years, and has been single and celibate for five years. I mean, she has not dated ANYONE in five years. And so you know, the picture of the woman for this blog post is her. She is beautiful, inside and out, and would be an incredible wife to any godly man, but she is content. She has moments of desiring a husband, but they’re just moments. It isn’t something she thinks about or prays about all the time. And did I mention she’s thirty-two?

What is my sister’s greatest desire? To serve God. She wants to use her gifts for Him, for her Heavenly Husband. And she is content with that because she has experienced Him as intimately as I experience and know my own husband. Jesus’ perfect love has touched and transformed her and continues to. She is content with Him because she knows He is enough. How about you?

You can be an Esther, but can you also be content with being a Mary Magdalene?

What Single Sisters Should Learn From Ruth Part 2

You can read part one of this study here.

In further studying the book of Ruth, something astounding about her going after Boaz for a husband was revealed:
7.) Ruth didn’t marry Boaz just for her own happiness and well-being, but for others’ as well.

Ruth didn’t marry Boaz for a selfish reason. She didn’t marry him just because he made her happy. Ruth knew Boaz would be a major blessing for her mother-in-law, Naomi, as well, since he was one of her relatives, aka a family redeemer, someone who could buy back the land Naomi had lost.

Ruth was a treasure, a prime catch; she was beautiful both inside and out, yet she chose to marry a significantly older man rather than going after younger, “hotter” men. Had she chose to do the latter, her mother-in-law would’ve been abandoned to live in poverty with none to care for her.

Ruth wasn’t thinking about herself alone in her decision to marry Boaz, but instead, knew her marriage to him would be a ministry and blessing to someone else.

Too often we enter into engagement and marriage solely because the person makes us happy. We aren’t thinking about how our marriage can bless others and be a ministry. Happiness is certainly a by-product of a godly marriage, but it shouldn’t be the sole motivating factor as to why we do it. God is much bigger and much more generous than that. Which leads to the final lesson I want to share with you ladies:

8.) Ruth and Boaz’s marriage pointed people to God.

And all the people who were at the gate, and the elders, said, “ We are witnesses. The LORD make the woman who is coming to your house like Rachel and Leah, the two who built the house of Israel; and may you prosper in Ephrathah and be famous in Bethlehem. May your house be like the house of Perez, whom Tamar bore to Judah, because of the offspring which the LORD will give you from this young woman.” So Boaz took Ruth and she became his wife; and when he went in to her, the LORD gave her conception, and she bore a son. Then the women said to Naomi, “Blessed be the LORD, who has not left you this day without a close relative; and may his name be famous in Israel! And may he be to you a restorer of life and a nourisher of your old age; for your daughter-in-law, who loves you, who is better to you than seven sons, has borne him.”-Ruth‬ ‭4:11-15‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

Both the noble men of the city and the women saw God in Ruth and Boaz’s relationship and were very encouraged by it. They knew the union of this godly couple was special. And indeed, their marriage bore the grandfather of King David and from their lineage, Jesus the Messiah came forth.
Their union was a blessing, a ministry, and a beacon of Christ’s light to not only their community, but to the many generations that would follow.

For us Christians, it is the same. The weight of the legacy we leave behind will be according to our doing. We reap what we sow. If our marriage was ultimately about advancing the gospel and enlarging Christ’s kingdom, the legacy we leave will be great and will effect even the generations after us.

I don’t know about you, but I want my marriage to be a powerful force that echoes on long after I’m gone and resounds into eternity where I will see and meet the lives that are in heaven because of it. And I pray the same becomes true for you.
With love,
Natasha

Letter To My Hero Husband

Jonathan Derek Sapienza, strong, beautiful weapon of righteousness. You remind me of Phoenix from Bryan Davis’s Reapers novels, with your devotion to godly principles, but of course, you are better because you’re also a son of God.
I want you to know I truly mean every word I’m writing. You really do weather me, you keep me balanced, you always hold me back from jumping off a cliff. You are truly my pillar, a strong foundation upon which I stand, and when I’m running in the wrong direction, you capture me and pull me back to safety.

I am speaking about one of your greatest gifts: discernment and wisdom. Proverbs says much about wisdom: it protects, it guides, it opens doors, it brings favor, and most importantly, it is the chief of all principles. After love, everything flows from wisdom. “The fear of The Lord is the beginning of wisdom.” You certainly have the fear of the Lord, and I am an eyewitness of your ever-expanding wisdom.

This wisdom has grounded me, has kept me so many times from making foolish decisions and hurting myself. After being married to you, and experiencing just how much your godly wisdom and discernment has protected me, I see now that Adam’s wisdom and discernment was given to Him by God to protect Eve. Like all women, her emotions drove her. Her emotions, though a beautiful gift, were also her greatest vulnerability, and they began dragging her toward an extremely dangerous situation. This was when her husband was supposed to be her hero and rescue her. He had the wisdom and discernment to know that what was happening between her and satan was wrong, but he did not intervene.

I am so blessed, Jonathan, so grateful to be able to say that you, my precious husband, have always intervened. There were times in my stubbornness and passion that I did not listen and submit to your loving wisdom, and I suffered the consequences. But you, my faithful companion and hero, have always been there to lift me in your arms, carry me home, and nurse my wounds. You never shame me or scorn me for my foolishness and stubbornness. You are tender and graceful toward me and I absolutely treasure you, dear prince.

Though I’ve gotten wiser from more time with our Lord and from watching your example, there are still moments that I fail to submit to your caring guidance, but since Christ continues to flourish in your godly heart, you have only become more graceful and patient with me. This beautiful reflection of our kind Savior and Lord leaves me breathless.

I recall pastor John reading Ephesians to us as we stood at the altar:

““Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church.” (‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭5:25-29‬)

O, precious beloved of mine, in our marriage, you have never—ever—asked me or enticed me to sin. You ensure what we watch is not sexually enticing or perverse or wicked; you gently help guard my heart, my mind, my eyes and my ears, as you likewise do for yourself. I watch you; your pure heart is clearly displayed in your loving actions. Christ’s purity in you is clearly manifested, shining off you, son of God.

If I could choose to go back in time and marry any of the godly men I know now, I would always choose you. You are a man after God’s own heart; a man of strong morale, granite character, and gentle strength. You are not a forceful wind, you are a gentle, guiding and refreshing breeze. You are a warrior prince with the breastplate of righteousness, a soldier who carries the sword, but is careful, patient, and wise in how and when you wield it. I am a warrior princess who practically never has her sword sheathed, and often swings too soon. You gently place your hand upon mine and lower my sword. You guide it back to the sheath and gently train my hands for God’s war of rescuing souls from our enemy’s clutches.

Too often, I allow the busyness of life to consume me, and I do not ponder and meditate on the amazingly wonderful gift I have been given. As so many words poured forth from my heart, I was taken aback by just how blessed I am.

My leader, my knight, may God so bless me and Arrow with many more years under the shelter of your loving guidance. I love you with all of my heart.

Wife Confessions: Subtle Revenge

In marriage, you don’t always get what you want. Can you believe it? I happened to experience this two days ago.

I really wanted something, and Sir Jonathan was planning on giving it to me, but preventable things got in the way.

This upset me.

I felt like I wasn’t being prioritized. I didn’t consider it at the time, but I was being selfish.

I shared my heart with my sweet hubby, he apologized, and I felt better. Besides, eventually I’d get what I wanted.

The following day, Jonathan wanted something now. But just as my desire had to wait, I was quick to put his on hold, and although my excuse was an honest and even honorable one, the way I said it had the slightest flair of revenge, and I felt a twinge of satisfaction from it.

It didn’t take long for the Holy Spirit to convict me. Again, I was being selfish. I confessed to Jonathan the hint of revenge, to which he—as usual—gracefully and immediately forgave me.

But the Spirit was still working. I offered hubby what he wanted, but then brought up my desire as well. To my dismay, something else threatened to get in the way—again!

Then the thought hit me: this must be a test from God.

What I desired wasn’t anything evil. In fact, it was according to God’s will, something He desires. But how would I react to not getting what I wanted when I wanted it? I decided I would give Jonathan what he wanted, whether or not I got what I wanted.

And guess what happened? The thing that was threatening to put off my desire, didn’t happen. And hubby and I both got what we wanted.

Finances, children, disagreements; these aren’t what cause divorce. Sin does. It’s when we let our selfishness control us, rather than the Holy Spirit, that we destroy our marriage. Nothing else is to blame.

But when simply obey Him we call Master, denying ourselves and putting others’ needs before our own, God is pleased and we are blessed.

As always, God proved His word is true.

Repay no one evil for evil. Have regard for good things in the sight of all men. If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men. Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord. Therefore “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; If he is thirsty, give him a drink; For in so doing you will heap coals of fire on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. (‭Romans‬ ‭12‬:‭17-21‬ NKJV)

For You, O LORD, will bless the righteous; With favor You will surround him as with a shield. (‭Psalms‬ ‭5‬:‭12‬ NKJV)

Single Sister: If You Want To Get Married Someday, Read This First

Being a married woman has never been more draining.

I only have one five-week old; I can’t imagine having twins or a newborn and a toddler. But boy, is this child giving me a greater understanding of God’s will and goodness.

Babies are needy! Really needy; all the nursing (growth-spurts make baby even more insanely demanding), burping, diaper changing, face-to-face time, tummy time, and holding, not to mention bathing and nail-clipping. Then you can’t forget about your primary human relationship: your marriage; cooking, talking, dating, being intimate. And what about the house? You’ve gotta take care of that too. And I don’t know about you, but in our home, it’s way too easy for the dishes to pile up, and the dining table to get cluttered, and our bedroom to become messy. Pre-baby, it was easy to keep up. Post-baby, it takes hours to finally finish the dishes unless hubby tackles them. I have to do them in intervals because our son, Arrow, will need nursing or changing or holding.

Oh, and there’s another thing that needs tending: you! You have to bathe, brush your teeth, and do your hair some time!

And most importantly, you have to spend time with God and do whatever He’s called you to do—and maintain fellowship with the Church.

Being a wife and mother is no walk in the park. And contrary to popular belief, you come last. But that goes for any Christ follower:

And whoever of you desires to be first shall be slave of all. For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many.” (‭Mark‬ ‭10‬:‭44-45‬ NKJV)

Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others. (‭Philippians‬ ‭2‬:‭3-4‬)

Still wanna get married and have babies, sis?

Don’t misunderstand, I’m very content with God’s call on my life. I love my husband and our son, but I was content beforehand too. And I know marriage isn’t about me; it’s about glorifying God first, helping my husband second, and lastly, enjoying the fruit of my union.

Too many single sisters buy the worldly lie that marriage is about you; making yourself happy and gratifying your desires for attention and affection. Many of these women come to hate their marriage because it wasn’t what they expected.

God isn’t shallow or selfish, so He expects His children not to be either. He will test your heart as a wife and mother. Because as a single sister, you aren’t in a 24/7 servant-relationship. You have the freedom to choose who to serve, on your own time, and usually with the help of the church. But in a marriage, you’re on your own. The church can encourage and teach you, but they cannot step in and be a wife and mother for you. No one’s allowed to sleep with your husband but you, and you are responsible for raising your kids in the way they should go. That’s at least two more souls you have to serve 24/7 whether you’d like to or not.

Being a wife and mother takes sacrifice to a new level. Your mind and heart have to toss out the Hollywood romance lies and be ready to embrace the truth of bearing the weight of marriage and motherhood.

Single sisters only see the joy. They don’t see the struggle, or feel the back pain and weariness, or the emotional toil. When you’re one with someone, you’ve got double the struggles because their battles are now yours too. You’ve got double the responsibility because their calling is now yours to support. And then you have double the physical strain because you must sustain another human’s life and teach them how to do it. And how about if your husband or child falls? There is no human on earth you’ll ever love more than your husband and your children so imagine the emotional battles you’ll have to endure if either of them struggle for a time or sin against you?

This is not meant to discourage you, but to exhort you to wake up from whatever fantasy you’ve painted marriage and motherhood to be and instead be sober-minded in how much it costs to take on those roles.

Still want to get married?

God Wants Women To Be Stay-At-Home Wives And Mothers Because …

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In the same way, older women are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers, not addicted to much wine. They are to teach what is good, so they may encourage the young women to love their husbands and to love their children, to be self-controlled, pure, homemakers, kind, and submissive to their husbands, so that God’s message will not be slandered. (‭Titus‬ ‭2‬:‭3-5‬ HCSB)

I believe the Word of God is inspired. Here, Paul lists several standards for women:

Older women are to be:

1.) reverent [holy] in behavior

2.) Not slanderers

3.) Not addicted to much wine

Older women are also to teach younger women to:

1.) a) Love their husbands, b) love their children

2.) Be self-controlled

3.) Be pure

4.) Be homemakers

5.) Be kind

6.) Be submissive to their husbands

This is what God desires for younger women. It’s simple really. I know in our current American society, there’s a stigma toward stay-at-home moms. I just officially became one last month. I had me and Sir Jonathan’s first child on February 19th, and I totally get why God would desire wives with children to be watchers of the home, workers at home.

Being a mom is overwhelming lots of times, and is really hard work. It is energy-draining, attention-demanding, needing your devotion 24/7. Add on a husband to also care for and love, and a home to keep decent, and you’ve got your hands completely full. So instead of worrying about bringing in the bread, wives/mothers are to concern themselves with their roles, because they’re entrusted with lots.

Some would say going out there and taking on the brutal corporate world is true bravery, but I’d say choosing to be a stay-at-home wife and mother takes an immensely greater amount of not just courage, but love.

My baby boy is only one month old, but I reckon as he grows older, he’s still going to need me just as much—but in different ways; I’ll have to teach him all the good I know.

There was a time when parents had the most influence on a child. But now, the media, celebrities, and peers play a much greater role in influencing your child—unless you step in. This is where stay-at-home moms become superheroes. They’re able to protect their precious baby from so much the working mom can’t.

The public school system exposed me to many things I’m deeply disturbed by in retrospect. In third-grade I was taught how to “booty dance” by one of my friend’s older sisters. I learned how to do these extremely provocative moves such as going on all fours and shaking my bottom, grinding against a little boy while having one leg up, joining hands with a friend and wiggling our bottoms as fast as they could go. I got into a few fist fights. I had my first French-kiss in fourth-grade, and in sixth-grade I picked it up again—heavily. While in the outside lunch area that year, a boy I knew walked past me and caressed my vagina. Having our butts be grabbed and slapped by boys we liked became a huge middle-school fad. One of my best friends in sixth-grade lost her virginity on my bed. By seventh-grade, me and my friends were giving lap-dances, and another girl I called best friend pressured me to try marijuana. That year, while alone in a school hallway, an eighth-grader shoved me against a wall and quickly molested me. Also that year, I found myself unintentionally alone with a boy I really liked at his apartment and he tried to rape me. Bisexuality and homosexuality were introduced in eighth-grade I believe, if not earlier. There’s more, but I think you get the point. All of this began sixteen years ago. I’m sure we can agree that now things have only gotten exponentially worse.

A stay-at-home wife and mother is able to be the main influencer of her child. Like the mother of King Lemuel, who wrote Proverbs 31, we can teach our sons and daughters the right path and when they’re old, they won’t stray from it. It takes all of us—every drop of love and commitment we can muster—to be a full-time wife and mother, but it’s what God wills and He knows best. Do you trust that?

New Mom Confessions: I Need To Remember I’m Still A Wife

I confess: being a new mom can definitely be overwhelming at times. Ok, it’s overwhelming 90% of the time, and this is coming from someone who had a lot of help the first week and a half, and is only now, coming into week three, starting to cook again. I also happen to be married to a wonderful man of God who really served me. The first two weeks, sir Jonathan became a professional butler. While I was glued to my bed or the rocking chair, he was making me breakfast, getting me water, just running back and forth at my numerous beck and calls.

Now here I am: our precious Arrow is three weeks old today, and after my husband told me how my dad encouraged him (grandpa was saying how gifted he was with film and to really pursue it), just hearing the joy in Jonathan’s voice, it hit me:

You’re still a wife.

With all the breastfeeding on demand, picking up baby when he wants to be held, and cleaning dirty diapeys, our son is my number one time consumer. I know he needs me this much, but I can’t forget that my husband needs me to. Even if it’s just a word of encouragement, I can’t forget to care for my marriage. I like to refer to relationships as gardens. If you lovingly tend to your relationship with God, your spouse, your children, it will flourish and become beautiful. If you neglect it, it will wither and eventually die.

If you’re a new mom like me and married, don’t forget your husband. He’s not an adorable, helpless little person that fits perfectly in your arms, but he does need your encouragement and your attention. Flirt with him, give him a genuine compliment, thank him for working hard. Men love to be appreciated, we all do actually. And when you’re feeling overwhelmed, just start to thank God for all that is good in your life; for your precious baby and your wonderful husband.

I’m still only three weeks in, I don’t know what challenges await in the future, but I do know this is just a season. And our baby is already growing rapidly. I need to seize this time and treasure every bit of it, because one day I won’t be able to hold my Arrow. But I also need to tend to the garden of my marriage and make sure no weeds or thorns spring up.

God created us for this. We can be a great wife and mother at the same time. So let’s do it!

God’s peace and grace to you,

Natasha