How To Encourage Your Man To Be Chivalrous

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Ladies, single and married alike: during prayer this morning God reminded me of something very important. We desire men to be chivalrous, but we must allow them to be.

I’m a strong-willed, determined, tell-it-like-it-is, lioness of a woman. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing. God made me this way, HOWEVER, as a woman, there’s other attributes He gave as well that the more I grow in Him, the more they flourish.

For example, before I surrendered my heart and life to Jesus on February 22nd, 2009, I hated dresses and colorful clothes so I stuck to black mostly and didn’t want to be girley. I liked playing video games with guys, cussing like a sailor, and having guys as best friends. But after I surrendered to Jesus, without any self-enforced effort, I began to transform from the inside out. Without realizing, I started dressing more colorfully and girley. I began liking dresses and just became brighter. I didn’t even cuss anymore! The words just disappeared from my vocabulary. I didn’t like the darkness I had liked before. The sacred femininity that God designed women with, that which makes us different from men and beautiful, began to flourish.

But remember my lioness spirit? I open the door for myself. If I ask Jon to do something (who is a much more laid back and patient person than I am) if he doesn’t do it immediately, I’ll do it for him. What does this do? This disallows him
to be chivalrous. This takes away part of the way God designed him: to be needed by a woman, to be a hero for a woman.

Many women—if not all—deep in their hearts, desire to be swept up by the strong arms of a loving man who can protect them, rescue them from the dungeon, and slay the dragon. Why else do we take pleasure when our men get jealous if another man shows interest in us? We like being desired and protected by a manly figure. I think this is also why even in most lesbian and gay couples there is one person that is more masculine than the other and one more feminine. Because God designed us to be in that kind of relationship: a masculine (male) and feminine (female) one. There’s two distinct personalities, traits, and roles that promote a mutual needing and offspring. Hence: And the LORD God said, “ It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.” (‭Genesis‬ ‭2‬:‭18‬)

All this to say, ladies, if you want men to treat you chivalrously, step back and let them be! Stop opening the door for yourself, stop asking a man to help you but then doing it yourself. I’m not saying you do this for everything and just become some queen diva, but let him provide, let him carry heavy things, let him take the lead. But do this quietly, meaning, don’t command him, “Hey, open that door for me!” Just quietly stand there and smile, waiting patiently. Trust me, he’ll get it. And he’ll like it too! Your man wants a lady, not a man. That’s why he is with you. I’ll leave you with this:

“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” (‭Ephesians‬ ‭5‬:‭22-33‬ NKJV)

Why Do All My Relationships Fail?

Wanting to be wanted. I’ve been there. I used to dress sexy. Ironically, I was trying to reel in “the one” but all I was reeling in were sharks, toads, and wolves. Little did I know, my outer appearance displayed a very different message to the men crossing my path. I remember once I was in the mall and a group of men started yelling about my behind. Though I had specifically chosen to wear those skin-tight jeans because I thought they made my bottom look bigger, I got so angry at their attention. I cussed and yelled at them, but really, I had spurred them on with my attire. How I was dressed sent the message: treat me like I’m an object for your pleasure, rather than a woman who is worthy of respect.

Now my heart breaks when I see women doing the same thing I used to do, hoping they’ll find love someday. I’m sure like I experienced, they keep getting let down. They’re going about finding a man in all the wrong ways yet wondering why it never works out.

Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. (Proverbs 31:30)

I remember really liking this young man when I was in high school. During an online conversation, based on my sexy profile pics, he felt comfortable enough to tell me he had masturbated to my photos. I was quite disgusted. Here I was thinking he could become a long-term boyfriend, yet he was already thinking about having sex with me because of my photos. He wasn’t thinking long term at all.

I had another boyfriend who was also pretty honest. This guy knew I was a virgin and didn’t want to be intimate, and so he told me he’d try really hard to wait. He waited two weeks and then dumped me.

As you can imagine, I was pretty discouraged about my vicious relationship cycle: frog after frog. No guy could love me like I loved them. I remember looking in the bathroom mirror and saying, “I’m never going to get married. I’m just meant to be single the rest of my life.”

A year or so later I gave my heart to the Perfect Man: Jesus. He not only healed my broken heart, but I suddenly had hope again that I would someday marry. I just knew that I would one day, and that until then, I would wait. It wasn’t but two weeks later that I met Jonathan, the man who is now my husband. He feared God and loved Him. The first four months of our relationship, we didn’t know how to protect ourselves from temptation, and stumbled more than once. We’d always cry and feel terrible, do good for a while, then mess up again. But God knew we didn’t want that for our relationship. We knew it was wrong and desperately wanted to please God.

During that time, God persisted in trying to tell me about courtship, but I kept forgetting. After going on a mission trip, everything changed. God put a pastor in my life who would eventually become a mentor to Jon and I, and the Lord had a Christian sister give me a book on courtship. We now had the wisdom on how to stay pure until marriage, and by God’s grace and Holy Spirit, we overcame. I’m very blessed and beyond thankful to say that although I wasn’t completely untouched until marriage, I was a virgin until my wedding night.

I know not everyone reading this is a virgin, but do not believe the lie that you are now damaged goods. When you repent, Christ sees you as a new creation, His pure daughter who He indeed wants/commands his son to wait for until marriage. God wants to protect your purity, to guard your heart until the right time. He doesn’t condemn premarital sex and all other forms of sexual activity outside of marriage between one man and one woman for no good reason. He does it because He loves us and knows what’s best for us. If you think you know better than God, that’s some serious pride, and God resists the prideful but gives grace to the humble. If you agree with God’s word, which says fornicators won’t receive the kingdom, and you desire to obey Him because you know He is worthy of your devotion and love because of all that He’s done for you, He will lovingly guide and teach you how to please Him.

I pray you surrender to the only Man who has died for you to make a way for your forgiveness, freedom and redemption, so that He can spend eternity with you and you with Him, basking in His joy and love. No man will EVER love you as much as Christ does, though a true Christian man can love you like He does and seek to honor God by honoring you.

So please ladies, if you are stuck in the cycle I was in, I pray you repent. Trust me, going about relationships the way Hollywood tells you to simply doesn’t work. You’re only going to keep wounding and scarring your heart. Let Jesus heal you like He healed me. The only thing you’ll regret is not having done so sooner.

God’s Will For Women Hasn’t Changed For Us Living In The Millenium

For thousands and thousands of years God’s commands for His daughters have remained the same: help your husband, be submissive to him, love him and your children, and take care of your home. But for the past century—if that— we’ve been steadily redefining a woman’s role in the church and in society. Many professing Christian women cringe at the thought of, “just being a wife and mother,” though many desire to walk in those roles, and others think they want both plus career.

The excuse I often hear is, “Well we live in a different culture and time.” But since when did Yahweh ever tell His people to conform to the culture? Were not His laws to the Jews so utterly counter-cultural and His commands always to be separate from everyone around them?

For we are the sanctuary of the living God, as God said: I will dwell among them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they will be My people. Therefore, come out from among them and be separate, says the Lord; do not touch any unclean thing, and I will welcome you. I will be a Father to you, and you will be sons and daughters to Me, says the Lord Almighty. (‭2 Corinthians‬ ‭6‬:‭16-18‬ HCSB)

I have given them Your word. The world hated them because they are not of the world, as I am not of the world. I am not praying that You take them out of the world but that You protect them from the evil one. They are not of the world, as I am not of the world. (‭John‬ ‭17‬:‭14-16‬)

“If the world hates you, understand that it hated Me before it hated you. If you were of the world, the world would love you as its own. However, because you are not of the world, but I have chosen you out of it, the world hates you.” (John‬ ‭15‬:‭18-19‬)

Adulteresses! Don’t you know that friendship with the world is hostility toward God? So whoever wants to be the world’s friend becomes God’s enemy. Or do you think it’s without reason the Scripture says that the Spirit who lives in us yearns jealously? But He gives greater grace. Therefore He says: God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble. Therefore, submit to God. But resist the Devil, and he will flee from you. Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, sinners, and purify your hearts, double-minded people! (‭James‬ ‭4‬:‭4-8‬)

Let’s linger on the James passage. Notice how he says submit to God, but resist the devil. The Apostle John affirms:

We know that we are of God, and the whole world is under the sway of the evil one. (‭1 John‬ ‭5‬:‭19‬)

Catch that? The entire world—that means everyone who is not a Christian—is under Satan’s influence, and we are commanded to resist him. But how many of us daughters of the King are allowing ourselves to be influenced by the feminist movement which is now completely under Satan’s control? It began with Christian women desiring a few rights, but now has branched off to its own secular movement and its ideas are not biblical.

So again I ask, for what, 6000 years or so, through many diverse cultures, God has had the same commands for women, but now suddenly He has a different plan for us living in today’s age? He wants us to be go-getters, climbing career ladders and using birth control instead of getting married and raising children?

How dangerous to say God’s Word was for then but now His ideas have changed with the culture. Did not Christ Himself say:

For I assure you: Until heaven and earth pass away, not the smallest letter or one stroke of a letter will pass from the law until all things are accomplished. Therefore, whoever breaks one of the least of these commands and teaches people to do so will be called least in the kingdom of heaven. But whoever practices and teaches these commands will be called great in the kingdom of heaven. (‭Matthew‬ ‭5‬:‭18-19‬)

Pure and undefiled religion before our God and Father is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself unstained by the world. (‭James‬ ‭1‬:‭27‬)

God’s Word is consistent and unchanging. He is not influenced by fads. He has clear plans, purposes and functions for women from the first woman to you and I today.

What are you saying, Natasha? That I should be a home-body until I get a husband?

No. Do the work of the Lord, not the world until God does place you before your future husband. I’m not saying getting a job to help your single mother or struggling parents is satanic. I’m saying seeking to make a name for yourself just because you want to prove you’re independent is. Remember, satan is all about self: self-help, self-esteem, self-success, “controlling one’s destiny,” self, self, self. Christ is all about walking in dependance of the Father, submitting to Him and letting Him lead.

We must examine our hearts. Do we desire what Yahweh has clearly shown He desires, or do we desire what the world tells us we should desire?

If you aren’t a wife yet, don’t worry about it. You’re Christ’s bride; serve Him. If you are married, but struggling with desiring career (not the same as ministry) or feel insignificant being “just a wife and mom,” check your heart. In fact, check God’s heart on His will for wives. Do a study through the bible on wives and see what you find.

May Christ convict and heal anyone reading this right now who needs it.

Praying for you sisters daily,

Natasha

What Do You Think Of What The Bible Says On Singleness?

I’m curious to know what you sisters think of these verses, particularly verse 40.

“39 A wife is bound by law as long as her husband lives; but if her husband dies, she is at liberty to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord. 40 *But she is happier if she remains as she is [single], according to my judgment—and I think I also have the Spirit of God.* (‭I Corinthians‬ ‭7‬:‭39-40‬ NKJV)

Please leave your thoughts in a comment.

Much love to you,

Natasha

The Best Gift A Married Couple Can Give Their Children

The other night Ron Hutchcraft from Moody Radio taught something about marriage that left me and Sir Jonathan literally saying, “Wow…”

You know what is the best gift you can give your children [besides the gospel]? To love your spouse.

Ron said that often times in a marriage, if things get tense, the couple shifts their love toward their children. But like another pastor once taught, a husband and wife are not one flesh with their children, but with each other. Your love for one another should overflow to your kids. In that covering of mommy and daddy’s love for one another is where our children find the most security. If the love is getting overshadowed, that is also where they become most insecure and that insecurity can manifest in various destructive ways.

Psalm 127 says children are a heritage and a reward from the Lord. They were never meant to be a distraction or burden for a husband and wife. We mustn’t let them come before our marriage, our one-flesh covenant union. The priorities are to be God first, spouse second, children third. If any of these priorities ever get out of order, chaos and ruin quickly follow.

By God’s grace, my pregnancy hasn’t been brutal in the slightest. I haven’t gone nesting-crazy yet, I’m excited for baby, but not obsessing over his arrival. However, I know when he is here, the demands for both my time and energy are going to skyrocket. But I must remind myself that no matter how much our baby needs me, my husband needs me too. I pray I am able to keep that truth in perspective and care for our little one as best I can, while also continuing to respect and love my hubby as best I can.

Do pray for me. I will continue keeping you all in prayer. I’m here for you, but most importantly, Christ is always with you.

Grace and peace to you,

Natasha

Are you a wife and mother of young children, or have already raised your children and can relate to this topic? If you have any words of wisdom, encouragement—or warning—feel free to share them in a comment. As iron sharpens iron, so one believer sharpens another 🙂

Confession Regarding My Marriage

I really need a new personal journal, but for the meantime I shall confess here, praying that God will use this in one person’s life.

Last night I had a two hour conversation with my sister in Christ who has mentored me since the very beginning of my walk with the Lord. Towards the end of our conversation, she mentioned something that began to shed light on a blind spot I have been totally oblivious of. The bible says like iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpens his friend. Yeah, totally started to get refined from that moment of our conversation onward.

It started with a small revelation: I don’t always speak to my husband with respect or with graciousness. I’m not that gentle, quiet spirit that’s beautiful in the Lord’s sight. During this pregnancy, I’ve been increasingly diva-ish; “Jonathan, can you get me water, Jonathan can you take out the trash, Jonathan, can you feed the dog, Jonathan can you give me a massage (that one’s become a several-times-a-day request),” and etc. etc. Sure, I’ll say thank you, but it’s more of a reflex rather than a genuine expression of gratitude.

My hubby has been soooo wonderful and supportive and helpful—and without complaining. That was the second revelation: wow, my husband is a really good husband. I’ve taken it for granted, or maybe have just become so used to it that I started overlooking that precious fact.

He is so not demanding or high maintenance in the least. And he doesn’t point out the specks in my eye. Jonathan could have easily called out my ingratitude a while ago, but he never has. And this isn’t the first time he’s “overlooked an offense” as the Word says in Proverbs. The Holy Spirit is always the One to convict me, to show me where I’m off in regards to me and hubby’s relationship. And that also makes Jonathan all the sweeter. (Side note: Finger-pointing is ugly, and God don’t play that. Check out how He handled the blame-game in Genesis 3. HOWEVER, there is a difference from finger-pointing aka accusing, and gently correcting someone in love. We actually are called to do that).

All this to say, praise God. He is faithful to discipline the ones He loves. It’s always for our benefit and the benefit of others. Because of this revelation, I can now apologize to my sweet husband and if there was any hurt I caused him from my ingratitude, it will now begin to heal, and our marriage will only get better. Hallelujah!

You don’t need to confess publicly on my comments section, but do you need to apologize to someone for a lack of gratitude or respect? Then go for it! Only good can come from humbling yourself. God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble. May both you and I continue to desire God’s ways above our own, that we might experience Him more deeply and grow more like Him.

Much love,

Natasha