I’m a Christian, Unmarried, & Having Sex

May Christians never forget, God hates sexual immorality and will punish the unrepentant:

For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God; that no one transgress and wrong his brother in this matter, because the Lord is an avenger in all these things, as we told you beforehand and solemnly warned you. For God has not called us for impurity, but in holiness. Therefore whoever disregards this, disregards not man but God, who gives his Holy Spirit to you. (‭1 Thessalonians‬ ‭4‬:‭3-8‬)

But I have this against you, that you tolerate that woman Jezebel, who calls herself a prophetess and is teaching and seducing my servants to practice sexual immorality and to eat food sacrificed to idols. I gave her time to repent, but she refuses to repent of her sexual immorality. Behold, I will throw her onto a sickbed, and those who commit adultery with her I will throw into great tribulation, unless they repent of her works, and I will strike her children dead. And all the churches will know that I am he who searches mind and heart, and I will give to each of you according to your works. (‭Revelation‬ ‭2‬:‭20-23‬ ESV)

Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.

“Food is meant for the stomach and the stomach for food”—and God will destroy both one and the other. The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body.

Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take the members of Christ and make them members of a prostitute? Never! Or do you not know that he who is joined to a prostitute becomes one body with her? For, as it is written, “The two will become one flesh.” But he who is joined to the Lord becomes one spirit with him. Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body. (‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭6‬:‭9-10, 13, 15-20‬)

But sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints. Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place, but instead let there be thanksgiving. For you may be sure of this, that everyone who is sexually immoral or impure, or who is covetous (that is, an idolater), has no inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God. Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience. Therefore do not become partners with them; for at one time you were darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light (‭Ephesians‬ ‭5‬:‭3-8‬)

There is no option of living together and getting engaged. God does not suddenly approve of sin because you plan on eventually getting married. In fact, that’s a slap in the face to His holiness and the righteous standards He places upon every believer. This is the only option:

Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. (1 Corinthians‬ ‭7‬:‭1-4)

Get married, then you can have all the sex you want. Until then, practice your faith by walking in self-control which is a fruit of the Holy Spirit. If you really have Him, you will be able to do all things through Christ who strengthens you, including overcoming sexual sin. If you don’t care, God will judge you as He promised He will, and it won’t be pretty.

God is to be feared, not mocked. And He will reward everyone according to their deeds.

I pray you choose to obey Him and experience His restoration, power, and love like never before.

Chivalry hasn’t died ladies, and if you think it has, you’re with the wrong guy!



Out of all the Bachelors and Bachelorettes there have been, only three couples are together to this day. My, what a shocker! Okay, for real, dating just sets you up for failure. The focus of dating is the emotional and physical aspect of the relationship. It’s mainly about the sexual attraction, and once those fluttery feelings begin to fizzle, your relationship starts to fall apart. All that “chemistry” you built up because of the physicality doesn’t hold you together, but eventually drives you apart. Why? Because to put it simply, it’s not how God designed it to be. It was never His intention to have you serial date, getting your heart broken several times, having numerous partners and various connections with guys that leave you confused and with a ton of baggage to bring into your next relationship. He had a much better and simpler way: be with one person for the rest of your life.

Ever heard of the word “courtship?” Courting is a process that protects your precious heart from getting trampled on multiple times over. It guards not only your heart, but your mind and your body. What you basically do is don’t give any guy the time of day unless you think he is someone potentially marriageable, and then you don’t have sex with this guy. You set boundaries. Now this guy, if he’s worth your time, will respect you. He’ll literally wait for you until marriage because that’s what he has in mind from the start of the relationship—getting to know you because he likewise thinks you may be marriage-material. He’s not wasting your time, and you’re not wasting his.

And trust me, there are guys who will wait. I know this personally because my husband waited for me, remember? And I know several guys who are doing—and have done—the same. If you really hope to someday be a princess bride, honey, you gotta save your goods.

Courtship—unlike dating—focuses on the friendship, and also the spiritual aspect of a relationship. It is what Christians are supposed to be doing (unfortunately, not all of us do because we’ve bought the same Hollywood romance lie that the majority of the world has). A courtship-style relationship honors God and the person you’re with. It builds true commitment that lasts because there’s not a selfish gain i.e., “I’m with this person because of how they make me feel in bed.” Instead, it becomes, “I’m with this person because I love her heart, I love her soul.” 

When you’re having sex, all this gets confused. You no longer know if you truly love this person for him, or for how he makes you feel. You begin to fight because of all the mutual disrespect, not realizing you’ve been disrespecting each other ever since the moment you decided to have sex before marriage. I mean really, what makes a guy worth having all of you? Call my standards high, but according to the God who made both of you, when that man makes you his wife, he’s worthy of getting full access to your body.

We ladies so open ourselves up, binding our souls to men when we have sex with them, and when we do this with more than one guy we’re completely torn because our souls are divided. There’s literal studies that show when you have multiple partners it becomes more and more difficult for you to bond with the next person you’re with. Save your heart. Stop selling yourself short. No guy should be able to get into your pants or even under your shirt until after he’s said, “I do.”

The Never-ending Battle between Spirit and Flesh

Your conscience:  Don’t do it! You know this is wrong. 

Your body:  But it feels so good! You know you want to.

Your conscience:  You’re going to regret it.

Your body:  Just this once, I won’t do it again. 

And the winner is…

In the above situation, how many times has your body [flesh] won?  Be honest with yourself.  Okay, now that you’re being real, I will be too:  you’re not alone.  We women are extremely emotional beings.  In many circumstances, we lack just as much self-control as men, if not more.  We let our emotions run wild and our actions run right along with them.  You may not want to, but try and remember when you lost your virginity.  Did you question if you should?  Were you unsure as to whether is was right or wrong?  Did you ever find yourself making excuses as to why it was okay?  Or maybe it wasn’t planned;  how did you feel after the fact?  Did you regret it?  Did you question if it was the right thing to do?  I’m going to pause for a moment because I may be writing to a victimized woman.  If you were, none of these questions apply to you.  What that person did to you wasn’t your fault.  You are still valuable, you are still beautiful (“Wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.”-Psalm 51:7)  Now, back to you ladies who chose to lose it:  if you answered yes to any of those questions, I’m speaking to you.

In most cases, if you lost your virginity, but now you’re with a different guy, you’re still having sex.  Maybe your mentality is, “Well, I already lost it so why stop now?” or “This guy is different” or “I feel loved when I do” or the pain of it not working out with the first guy you gave yourself to has you thinking carelessly e.g. “I’m not worth waiting for now.”  Let’s break it down:

1.)  “I already lost it so why stop now?”

It’s proven scientifically that the more partners you have the less your brain secretes oxytocin (a chemical that causes a woman to want to bond more with her partner).  I.e., when you finally settle down and get married someday, the ability to bond with that special man is damaged.

Question:  Why do our own brains,  the most important muscle in our bodies, where all the decision making and thought processes come from, prohibit us from enjoying sex with more than one person?

There’s a book called, “For young women only” and in it they ask guys the questions we ladies want to know the most.  Here’s a survey question:

“If you and your partner move to a sexual relationship, even if you loved her, would you (or did you) ever find yourself wondering whether you could totally trust her?”

64% of guys said, “Yes, I would (or did) find myself wondering.” Only 36% said they didn’t.

Raise your hand if you like having trust issues in a relationship!

2.)  “This guy is different.”

Question:  Did you ever think that about the guy you lost it to?

3.)  “I feel loved when I do.”

Here’s another survey question from the book, “For young women only”:

“Whether or not you are currently involved with a girlfriend, if you were to be in a heavy make out situation with a willing partner who was not a long-term girlfriend, what would you primarily be feeling?”

Only 36% said, “How much I love her,” the other 64% said, “How good this feels.”

This is what one of the guys themselves said: “Girls use sex to get love, and guys use love to get sex.”

One more survey question:  “Does moving to a sexually active relationship mean that you want to marry this girl or make a significant life commitment to her?”

66% of guys said No.

4.)  “I’m not worth waiting for now.”

This is the last thing I’ll quote from the book:

“I’d like to marry a virgin, but seeing purity of heart is most important to me.  Everyone makes mistakes…I just want to be some girl’s hero, even if she’s totally blown it. That’s how I want to treat my future wife.”

This guy is not impossible for you to have.  I have one and I know plenty other women who have ’em too.  We’re not any better or more special than you.  How we got men who valued us and chose to wait for us and love us, despite our past, was because we came to the point where first and foremost, our love for God grew in a way where He was sufficient.  I don’t know what you think about God or what you’ve heard about Him, but He is the greatest Lover there is.  His love and passion for us runs so deep that He, if we want Him to, will pour His love on us so completely that we won’t need a guy to feel loved.  He’ll satisfy our heart’s deepest cry and then, just because we’ve let Him and grew to love Him in return, He hand-picks a guy and sets up a plan of meeting where we don’t even have to go on EHarmony to find him.  That’s what happened to me.  Don’t get me wrong, my husband is wonderful, I couldn’t even dream him up (although I did dream of him), but he does not hold a candle to the God who loved me first.  I pray with these blogs you will understand your value and worth, won’t settle for less and realize how much you’re loved, no matter where you’ve been or where you’re at now.  God bless,