You may be thinking: Giiiirrrllll, what are you talking about?
Allow me to explain. I just read:
“I want you to be free from the concerns of this life. An unmarried man can spend his time doing the Lord’s work and thinking how to please him. But a married man has to think about his earthly responsibilities and how to please his wife. His interests are divided. In the same way, a woman who is no longer married or has never been married can be devoted to the Lord and holy in body and in spirit. But a married woman has to think about her earthly responsibilities and how to please her husband. I am saying this for your benefit, not to place restrictions on you. I want you to do whatever will help you serve the Lord best, with as few distractions as possible. But if a man thinks that he’s treating his fiancée improperly and will inevitably give in to his passion, let him marry her as he wishes. It is not a sin. But if he has decided firmly not to marry and there is no urgency and he can control his passion, he does well not to marry. So the person who marries his fiancée does well, and the person who doesn’t marry does even better. A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. If her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but only if he loves the Lord. But in my opinion it would be better for her to stay single, and I think I am giving you counsel from God’s Spirit when I say this.”-1 Corinthians 7:32-40 NLT
Single sister, do you believe this? If not, what idea about marriage is preventing you?
Ask yourself. Is it the desire for a special romance? The sense of being wanted? Feeling beautiful?
These desires aren’t necessarily evil, but they can be selfish and misplaced. Do you know these longings can be satisfied by Jesus? Do you believe that? If you don’t, then you haven’t experienced Him fulfilling those needs yet. And He can. Nothing is too difficult for Him and He actually desires to! He desires you.
Do you know that He designed you, weaved you together while you were created in your mother’s womb?
When no one had yet to lay eyes on you, His eyes were on you. He literally was forming you. And even beyond growing your body from a fertilized “egg” to a human body with limbs and a brain, He was giving you specific personality traits that would aid in accomplishing His will for you.
You Then He breathed on you. Literally breathed His own breath of life into you and with that breath, gave you an eternal spirit. That spirit remained with you from the moment He gave you life in the womb onward.
Your unique, everlasting spirit reminds you there’s more to life, that there is a hereafter. That there’s something, someone bigger than you out there. It’s a “God-shaped” hole that can only be filled by the One who gave it to you.
He is a romantic God. He is the Creator of love. Not Hollywood. Not man. The bible says God Himself is love. Love started with Him and it comes from Him.
He is the first to rescue a man and a woman in distress. He is the Savior. He is a Prince. He is a King. He is a Father. He is a Husband. The bible says all of this about Him.
So if you believe the bible is true, then choose to believe He is these things for you. Ask Him to show you He is. Ask Him to help you believe this. If there is one thing I’ve learned from my eight years of following Jesus is that He hears and answers.
Don’t let the devil distract you with the cheap counterfeit version of Love Himself through romance novels and films, or your girlfriends’ relationships and flings.
Open your bible, go to the New Testament and let Jesus show you what real love looks like and how much He loves you.
If you give Him a chance to woo you, you will become ever stronger, and more confident and content in your relationship with Him and His love for you. Then you won’t be so down about your singleness. You wil have joy despite it. He did that for me and He can do that for you.
I LOVE this man. No, I don’t know him personally, but ladiessssss, he just killed this point (in a good way): “We keep telling the Christian women to wait and not telling the Christian men to pursue! If you plan to lead in marriage, lead in the pursuit!”
Trust me sisters, this is a worthy watch! He has some GREAT advice! Hopefully, the men watch this, too.
Did you watch it? Tell me what you thought of his advice in a comment.
The iconic biblical relationship of Ruth and Boaz is one most single Christian women hope for. But this story—like all the other history recorded in the bible—isn’t just there to give us hope, but to teach us valuable lessons, especially on romantic relationships.
1.) Ruth chose God over a husband.
“And she said, “Look, your sister-in-law has gone back to her people and to her gods; return after your sister-in-law.” But Ruth said: “Entreat me not to leave you, Or to turn back from following after you; For wherever you go, I will go; And wherever you lodge, I will lodge; Your people shall be my people, And your God, my God.”-Ruth 1:15-16 NKJV
The primary and most important thing to note if you desire to marry a godly man someday is to put that desire behind you, and put Christ in front of you.
As a young and beautiful widow (her name means friend, companion, and “vision of beauty”), Ruth could’ve chose to go back to her country and her “gods” and get remarried. But she didn’t. She chose to remain with the Lord and His people, leaving behind her old life, and moving forward to a new land where God’s people lived.
If you really want a godly husband, recognize and embrace the fact that you already have one, Jesus, and that you will walk onward with Him no matter what you receive or don’t receive. If you can’t be faithful to Him, don’t expect to be faithful to a husband.
2.) Ruth desired and made sure she was discipled by a godly woman.
“But Ruth said: “Entreat me not to leave you, Or to turn back from following after you; For wherever you go, I will go; And wherever you lodge, I will lodge; Your people shall be my people, And your God, my God. Where you die, I will die, And there will I be buried. The LORD do so to me, and more also, If anything but death parts you and me.”-Ruth 1:16-17 NKJV
Discipleship is crucial in our walk with Christ. When we allow godly examples to pour into us, we become more godly, and then we’re more equipped to handle marriage and whatever else God entrusts us with. We have to have a heart devoted to growing closer and more like our Savior. If we don’t desire and pursue godliness, we are setting ourselves up for disaster in marriage.
3.) Ruth worked hard.
So Ruth the Moabitess said to Naomi, “Please let me go to the field, and glean heads of grain after him in whose sight I may find favor.”-Ruth 2:2
Ruth wasn’t lazy. She worked all day in the fields with willing hands. She didn’t do it bitterly, she did it from love to help bring food home for her and her widowed mother-in-law. Be hard at work wherever God has placed you, whether that be in full-time ministry or at your job. You never know, your Boaz may be close by, which leads to the next lesson:
4.) Boaz made the first move.
Then Boaz said to Ruth, “You will listen, my daughter, will you not? Do not go to glean in another field, nor go from here, but stay close by my young women. Let your eyes be on the field which they reap, and go after them. Have I not commanded the young men not to touch you? And when you are thirsty, go to the vessels and drink from what the young men have drawn.”-Ruth 2:8-9
Before saying a word to Ruth, Boaz asked his men about her; he wanted to know what her reputation was like. Do you have a godly reputation, or a worldly one? Godliness attracts godliness. Her reputation drew a godly man closer; it caused him to take further interest. If a godly man asks about you and hears worldliness, he will more than likely back off.
So she fell on her face, bowed down to the ground, and said to him, “Why have I found favor in your eyes, that you should take notice of me, since I am a foreigner?” And Boaz answered and said to her, “It has been fully reported to me, all that you have done for your mother-in-law since the death of your husband, and how you have left your father and your mother and the land of your birth, and have come to a people whom you did not know before. The LORD repay your work, and a full reward be given you by the LORD God of Israel, under whose wings you have come for refuge.”-Ruth 2:10-12
5.) Their first one-on-one time was out in the open with others, not alone behind closed doors—and again, Boaz gave the invitation.
Now Boaz said to her at mealtime, “Come here, and eat of the bread, and dip your piece of bread in the vinegar.” So she sat beside the reapers, and he passed parched grain to her; and she ate and was satisfied, and kept some back.-Ruth 2:14
The world is all about one-on-one alone time. That’s pretty tempting, and almost always leads to sin. Boaz respected Ruth and got to know her better openly, rather than privately. He wasn’t harboring lustful motives.
Back then, God’s people didn’t date like the world dates now. Godly people had accountably, and there is no godly reason why we should discontinue following this pattern. When we do, we often fall into sexual sin. You can choose never to date like the world does, and still end up engaged and married.
6.) When you’re ready, God makes things happen swiftly.
Ruth started gleaning on Boaz’s field at the beginning of the barley harvest. Barley is the fastest crop to harvest. She worked until the end of the harvest which could’ve been as swiftly as a month. When God deems you ready to inherit His blessing in marriage, you won’t have to court for years.
The world is all about “waiting” (though they’re really not waiting for anything, except to seriously commit), whereas those in a godly relationship don’t have to wait that long if Christ has already matured them to a place of being a suitable spouse.
Satan would love two godly Christians to spend time fearing and falling into sin, rather than being confident in their courtship and not wasting a lot of time so as not to fall into sexual sin.
Single sisters, my prayer is that you won’t read the bible as if it were just another book, but really study it, understanding what it really is: the inspired word of God, preserved for those who would inherit salvation, to equip and prepare us for eternity with Christ. In it we will find all the truths and lessons we need in order to live our lives as a living, pleasing, sacrifice to God in every area, especially relationships.
There’s more lessons, but I’ll continue sharing them in another post.
Much love to you,
“For your Maker is your husband, the Lord of Hosts is His name; And your Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel; He is called the God of the whole earth. For the Lord has called you like a woman forsaken and grieved in spirit, like a youthful wife when you were refused,” says your God. “For a mere moment I have forsaken you, but with great mercies I will gather you. With a little wrath I hid My face from you for a moment; but with everlasting kindness I will have mercy on you,” says the Lord, your Redeemer. “For this is like the waters of Noah to Me; for as I have sworn that the waters of Noah would no longer cover the earth, so have I sworn that I would not be angry with you, nor rebuke you. For the mountains shall depart and the hills be removed, but My kindness shall not depart from you. Nor shall My covenant of peace be removed,” says the Lord, who has mercy on you.”-Isaiah 54:5-10
God is the Author of romance. He is the embodiment of love; He is love personified. When He speaks, it is from a source of pure, unadulterated, all-powerful, all-consuming love. There is nothing more intoxicating than God’s love.
Before midnight, February 22nd, 2009, I was intoxicated by what I thought was love. The affection and attention I received from guys controlled basically everything I did in life. My desire for love was so great, it influenced all of my decisions from the moment my eyes opened each morning. I would spend at least forty-five minutes on my hair and makeup before leaving for school, and my outfits had to be sexy.
Every weekend I went places with a motive: to find a hot guy and reel him in. I was always seeking attention, affirmation, and adoration from guys I liked. If I didn’t get what I wanted, and when things fell apart, it always made me sorrowful. My relational status dictated my demeanor and my outlook on life.
I was so consumed with finding “the one,” I was so lost in the feelings, the emotional high, the pleasure of being desired, that I had no idea it was an idol; guys were my god.
I worshipped being wanted.
I told people I was a Christian; I thought since I believed in Jesus and prayed that I was good. I was totally oblivious to the fact that I was breaking the very first of the Ten Commandments: “You shall have no other gods before me.” A “god” or an “idol” is anything you love more than god, anything that controls you, anything you can’t let go of. I allowed romantic relationships with guys to grab a hold of my deepest desire and greatest need and try to fulfill it. Obviously, they never did.
Whoever coined the phrase, “You’re looking for love in all the wrong places,” was quite wise. I was looking for love in the wrong places: broken, fallen, sinful guys. They didn’t know the Author of Love, they didn’t have him in their heart. They could never love me the way I so desperately wanted them to. There was only one Man who could love me the way I needed to be loved: Jesus.
On February 22nd, 2009 I finally awoke to that amazing truth. My last heartbreak jarred me. I had been inching closer to God, but that day I collapsed into His arms, and this time, I didn’t want to let go. I was done. I knew what I hoped in—the relationships I had dreamed of—were just that: dreams distracting me from the truth; the truth that my real dream Prince was there all along, waiting to sweep me into His adventure, into His great romance, and fulfill all of my desires.
I stopped searching for love in guys and began finding it in Christ.
His love was so sweet, so tender, so healthy, it healed me in literally six days. I no longer needed attention from a guy, or a boyfriend. I was single and happier than I’d ever been. Almost seven years later, and I am still more joyful than ever, in love with my Redeemer, my first Husband, my King, Jesus Christ. I was carried into a divine romance, and by God’s breathtaking grace, I will enjoy it for all eternity.
Have you been captivated by God’s love? Do share in a comment when your divine romance began and where it has brought you. If you have yet to experience God’s intoxicating love, I pray you consider what the idol is in your life, lay it down, and seek Christ. You will certainly discover all that you’ve ever needed is in Him. If you need prayer or encouragement, feel free to email me: BetterThanPrinceCharming(at)gmail.com
Ladies, single and married alike: during prayer this morning God reminded me of something very important. We desire men to be chivalrous, but we must allow them to be.
I’m a strong-willed, determined, tell-it-like-it-is, lioness of a woman. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing. God made me this way, HOWEVER, as a woman, there’s other attributes He gave as well that the more I grow in Him, the more they flourish.
For example, before I surrendered my heart and life to Jesus on February 22nd, 2009, I hated dresses and colorful clothes so I stuck to black mostly and didn’t want to be girley. I liked playing video games with guys, cussing like a sailor, and having guys as best friends. But after I surrendered to Jesus, without any self-enforced effort, I began to transform from the inside out. Without realizing, I started dressing more colorfully and girley. I began liking dresses and just became brighter. I didn’t even cuss anymore! The words just disappeared from my vocabulary. I didn’t like the darkness I had liked before. The sacred femininity that God designed women with, that which makes us different from men and beautiful, began to flourish.
But remember my lioness spirit? I open the door for myself. If I ask Jon to do something (who is a much more laid back and patient person than I am) if he doesn’t do it immediately, I’ll do it for him. What does this do? This disallows him
to be chivalrous. This takes away part of the way God designed him: to be needed by a woman, to be a hero for a woman.
Many women—if not all—deep in their hearts, desire to be swept up by the strong arms of a loving man who can protect them, rescue them from the dungeon, and slay the dragon. Why else do we take pleasure when our men get jealous if another man shows interest in us? We like being desired and protected by a manly figure. I think this is also why even in most lesbian and gay couples there is one person that is more masculine than the other and one more feminine. Because God designed us to be in that kind of relationship: a masculine (male) and feminine (female) one. There’s two distinct personalities, traits, and roles that promote a mutual needing and offspring. Hence: And the LORD God said, “ It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.” (Genesis 2:18)
All this to say, ladies, if you want men to treat you chivalrously, step back and let them be! Stop opening the door for yourself, stop asking a man to help you but then doing it yourself. I’m not saying you do this for everything and just become some queen diva, but let him provide, let him carry heavy things, let him take the lead. But do this quietly, meaning, don’t command him, “Hey, open that door for me!” Just quietly stand there and smile, waiting patiently. Trust me, he’ll get it. And he’ll like it too! Your man wants a lady, not a man. That’s why he is with you. I’ll leave you with this:
“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” (Ephesians 5:22-33 NKJV)
Tragically, I think a lot of Christian women realize after marriage that it doesn’t matter how nice or romantic a guy is if he isn’t a devout Christ follower.
Some marry the man because they’re in sexual sin and think marriage would honor the Lord. They fail to realize that being unequally yoked is also displeasing to God, and He says in the Scriptures:
Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness? And what accord has Christ with Belial? Or what part has a believer with an unbeliever? And what agreement has the temple of God with idols? For you are the temple of the living God. As God has said: “I will dwell in them And walk among them. I will be their God, And they shall be My people.” Therefore “Come out from among them And be separate, says the Lord. Do not touch what is unclean, And I will receive you.” “I will be a Father to you, And you shall be My sons and daughters, Says the LORD Almighty.” (II Corinthians 6:14-18 NKJV)
God says to do the complete opposite when it comes to being in a relationship with an unbeliever: come out from among them and be separate. He most certainly does not advise you to marry this person.
It is better to be single for however long God desires, than to marry the wrong man and be diverted from your calling and drawn away from the faith. Husbands are supposed to lead, so how can you marry a man who is leading you to satan? The bible is clear: unbelievers are under Satan’s influence and are his children, whether they know it or not. They cannot please God, because they operate in the flesh. Is this the kind of man you want leading you and your future children?
Too often, we foolishly live in the moment and ignore the future consequences until it’s too late and we are drowning in them. This goes for two self-professing Christians as well who are in sexual sin and plan marriage as a way of escape. You must stop sinning before you get into marriage. You can’t keep living together and sleeping together because you plan on eventually getting married. What if you die tonight in your sin and face God? Do not the Scriptures say:
“Don’t you know that the unrighteous will not inherit God’s kingdom? Do not be deceived: No sexually immoral people, idolaters, adulterers, or anyone practicing homosexuality, no thieves, greedy people, drunkards, verbally abusive people, or swindlers will inherit God’s kingdom.” (1 Corinthians 6:9-10)
You must repent and be separate until your wedding day. Sanctify yourself before you stand upon that sacred altar before the Holy God and make commitments you have already broken. Understand that God is a loving Father, but He is also an avenger of wrongdoers:
“Finally then, brothers, we ask and encourage you in the Lord Jesus, that as you have received from us how you must walk and please God — as you are doing — do so even more. For you know what commands we gave you through the Lord Jesus. For this is God’s will, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality, so that each of you knows how to control his own body in sanctification and honor, not with lustful desires, like the Gentiles who don’t know God. This means one must not transgress against and defraud his brother in this matter, because the Lord is an avenger of all these offenses, as we also previously told and warned you. For God has not called us to impurity but to sanctification. Therefore, the person who rejects this does not reject man, but God, who also gives you His Holy Spirit.” (1 Thessalonians 4:1-8 HCSB)
If you are in this situation, you know what you need to do. If you love Jesus, you will obey Him. His plans for you are good, pleasing, acceptable and perfect. He desires the best for you and trust me, He knows better than we do what’s good and what is not.
If you’re single, you also know what to do. Wait for the right man of God. Do not settle and sin.
If you are married to an unbeliever, keep clinging to Jesus. Perhaps your husband will come to Christ eventually. If he leaves you, you are free from your vows. Otherwise, be the best example you can be to him and your children. Pray always. Keep your hope in the resurrection, not on things on the earth.
May we always allow the Spirit to lead us, denying our flesh, and trusting our Master and Savior, for His sake, our sake, and the sake of others.
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