Video: What is Modest Apparel for the Christian Woman?

Modesty has gotten a lot of slack over the last decade, outside–and in–the Church. Is there a standard, and if so, what is it?

If someone tells me she’s feeling suicidal and I encourage her, and hug her, and pray for her, and remind her of comforting Scriptures and she chooses not to kill herself, did my choices impact her decision? If I call someone horrible things and tell him he should kill himself and he does, did my choices impact or influence him?

So…do the clothes you wear impact the choices of others? Why does the Bible say “…that we may be pure and blameless children of God in the midst of a crooked generation?” If we are to be “blameless” does that mean we can be “blamed” at all? The Bible teaches us that our choices have influence. So then…are we somewhat accountable for them?

Hope Nuggets for Single Girls

Don’t wait for a guy to complete you. No imperfect human can. But the perfect Son of God promises He will fulfill you. Why wait for tomorrow when it isn’t promised to you? Seek Jesus today and discover that life-transforming truth. 

Don’t wait for a guy to come into your life. Pursue Jesus right now and discover how much more amazing He is than any and every guy you’ll ever meet.

Do you wish you were in a loving romantic relationship, getting to know and fall in love with a guy? Well you can do that right now. Open your bible and get to know and fall in love with the perfect guy, Jesus. 

These may sound cliche, but they really shouldn’t. Seriously, who is better than Jesus? Who is more loving, kind, compassionate, incredible, powerful, gentle, and wise? What guy really compares to Jesus? If you’re unsure, then you don’t know Jesus like you think you do. If He hasn’t captivated your heart yet, if He isn’t enough for you, you likely don’t know Him well and thus aren’t experiencing Him very much and not living out this incredible reality that HE IS REAL AND WORDS CAN’T DESCRIBE HOW EPIC HE IS!

But the good news is you don’t have to travel anywhere to meet up with Him. You don’t have to schedule an appointment, ask Him to make time for you. All you have to do is talk to Him, ASK Him to show Himself to you, to help you know Him, and then open up your Bible and seek Him out. Read about Him. See what He said and did. I promise He will impress you like no other guy on this planet ever can. He is worth giving lots of attention to. I pray instead of fixing your eyes on that hot guy from that show you love, or daydreaming about that swoon-worthy character from that book, you look to the REAL-DEAL who offers Himself to you, free of charge, 24/7.

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Why you shouldn’t be modest

I remember walking through the mall in my teen years, rocking a pair of skin-tight Brazilian jeans (they were so the thing back then)—a pair I wore specifically because I believed they accentuated my assets, i.e., made my bottom look bigger.

So here I am, in my baby-blue Brazilian, skin-squeezin’ jeans and a spaghetti strap top and I’m pretty sure I was clackin’ around in heels, and this group of dudes begin yelling lewd comments at me across the mall for everyone in the vicinity to hear.

I got so upset, cussed at ‘em, flipped ‘em off, the whole nine. But never once did I recall the fact that I wore those jeans for the sake of appearing more desirable. I wanted the attention, but I guess I expected it to come across in a more respectful manner.

Thing is, I quite plainly, was dressed in a way that shouted sex object, yet I didn’t want to be treated like a sex object. I wanted to be pleasing to the sight of some men, as long as their pleasure was displayed in a manner I approved of.

I now understand that most single or unmarried men (or even married ones!) don’t look at women who are dressed super sexy and think: I better be low-key about all the lustful thoughts she’s inciting. The way they see it is you’re asking for the attention, so they’re gonna give it to you. And more specifically, they’re thinking along the lines of; this chick is asking to be f***ed. 

Forgive the vulgarity, but I’m just being real. Have you ever heard men talk to each other when no women are around? Well, I have. A lot. I edit weddings. The videographer, who is a man, goes into the groom’s hotel room or wherever he’s getting ready and records him and his groomsmen as they get dressed. The stuff they say about the bride and about women is so disgusting and degrading that I often have to mute the audio entirely and sometimes wish I could leave in those parts so the bride sees how much her groom respects her in front of his boys. The things I hear make my blood boil and skin crawl. But the truth of the matter is that all of these brides lived with the guy beforehand. In other words, they already were sleeping with him. So frankly, men simply don’t respect a woman who sleeps with them before marriage. Period. He can act like he does, but there’s someone he boasting to about your body and sexcapades.

Have you experienced this kind of lewd attention before? Were you wearing super short-shorts, a midriff top, showing off cleavage or your belly? Lots of skin, lots of skin-tight-leave-hardly-any-room-for-the-imagination attire will incite and inflame a man’s lust. There’s no way to get around it unless he closes his eyes or avoids you or tries super-duper hard to only look at your face, even though his peripherals can see everything else. Even married men. Very few will try to look away, while others will be picturing you naked on top of them.

Now, if you’re truly fine with this, that’s your prerogative. However, if it makes you uncomfortable and you’d like a lot more respect, then take it from me, think twice about what you put on. And no, I’m not being legalistic. I’m not gonna sit here and list a bunch of non-Kosher clothes to wear because at the end of the day, most of us women aren’t stupid. We know what sexy looks like and some of us like how it feels. So the clothes you have that you deem sexy are the red flag raisers you should reconsider. And covering up doesn’t equate frumpy and dumpy. You can keep it covered and keep it classy. You can be modest and still like what you’re wearing.

And if you’re a Christian like me, then remember: you don’t just choose modesty because it’s a New Testament command (see 1 Timothy 2:9-10, 1 Peter 3:1-4), but we do so for a love for God and others. We want to please God. Sensuality, lustfulness, selfishness, all of that displeases Him. If we truly grasp all that God the Father did for us when He sent His Son to this earth to love and die for us, we won’t have a problem covering up some or reconsidering our wardrobe to ensure it’s honorable to Him. He wants us to “not only look out for our own interests, but for the interests of others as well.” That means if you choosing your clothing more wisely will help some fellow Christian brothers not to stumble, then you’ve just pleased God with that unselfish and considerate decision.

At the end of the day, I’m not modest for legalism or man’s sake, but for Christ’s sake, and for a love for Him and others. I also want to be a good example for women, because I love you, too. 🙂

Did this resonate with you? Feel free to share your thoughts in a comment.

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Are you praying about your relationship?

Yesterday at church service, the pastor quoted an amazing Christian woman, Corrie ten Boom:

“Is prayer your steering wheel, or your spare tire?”

There are countless bible verses about how God specifically has plans for people, and directs them…but, there’s a condition: they must SEEK His plan. That means God has a plan even for your relationships and especially for who you marry.

Early early on, me and Jonathan sought God for our relationship. Four months in, Jonathan really gave Him the steering wheel.

We began to pray and ask God about if He wanted us to get married. There were three times in particular that I cried (literally was crying) out to God about speaking to me on if I should be with Jonathan or not. Even though I loved Jonathan so much and believed he was who God wanted me to be with, I obeyed Proverbs 3:6-9, which says to trust in God with all your heart and to not to lean on your own understanding, but to acknowledge Him in all of your ways so that He can direct your paths.

Trust in God is more than saying you trust Him and believing that you trust Him. It is actually going to Him for advice, listening to that advice, and then applying it. Real trust is doing whatever God tells you to do, and great trust is listening to and obeying Him even when you don’t FEEL like it. 

So, my honest to God best advice I can give you precious princesses is to really really seek God by:

a) asking Him to really speak to you on if you should continue in this relationship or not/ask if this is really the man God wants you to marry and

b) ask God to make it clear to you by speaking clearly to you through the Bible. Go to your bible, open it, and ask God to speak, and I promise you, when you do that, suddenly those words become very very specific and personal to what you’re going through and you just KNOW God is speaking to you. Then,

c) once you have heard Him speak, you obey. You apply whatever it is He told you to do and TRUST that He TRULY knows BEST, better than you; that unlike you, He can see the future, and knows the very BEST path for your life.

Another good test of your trust is to see if you’re afraid of whatever God’s answer may be. It might be to stay with the guy, but it may be to not stay with Him. Can you trust that despite whatever the answer is, God knows best, and EVERY decision and plan He has for you is truly for YOUR best interest as well as everyone else’s who’s involved, and that God LOVES you more than you love yourself and more than anyone else loves you, and that His decision is literally motivated by both perfect love and perfect wisdom.

I don’t want you to miss out on the amazing plans God has for your life, and God is even more passionate that you don’t miss them. My prayer for you today is that you really come to trust and understand His incredible love for you, and that you grow more and more confident in it so that you become more and more obedient when He tells you to do something, knowing that He is good and deeply loves you, and whatever He commands you is for your good.

Until next time, know your worth. -Natasha